Hmm...what to update on? Nothing much really, I talked to the director of education at my school. he called me with my schedule and told me that i would have to go to school on Monday's, Tuesday's, and Thursday's. But I would have no one to watch my daughter on thursdays. 
This was becoming annoying. So i called him back and told him that I cant go to school on thursday's and he changed the schedule to only Monday's and Tuesday's but the same amount of work has to be completed. Fair 'nough.
Ugh. justin has to go play darts tonight. Why, when he's here, sometimes I wish he were gone, and when i know he has to be away i dont want him to go? What the fuck kind of sick shit is that? Why does my mind like to fuck with itself that way? I guess it likes to play with itself. HA! My brains a masturbator by nature! Or maybe i am just a self abuser. I'm so eternally bored that I fuck with myself for kicks?
I told a friend of mine the other day, my day off, that i wanted to see him and he told me to go drive and pick him up and we would go out for coffee.
I am soooo totally broke right now. I havent been this broke in a LONG LONG LONG time. And i didnt go hang out with him. I'm used to being ok and being able to just go and do something...I am down to like $0.22 not even enough to get 5 sticks of gum in a tiny little cheap ass package! I am so pissed off that i am broke right now and i cant do shit about it! I dont have time to look for a different job or drum up enough business in graphic design, this thing I just spent $26, 000 on, to make it worht a shit. It'll be soooo much to swallow if it is not even a lucrative career. Its been a little hard having that thought...and not letting it take over ALL thoughts! GOD! I hate failing...it is the most fucking horrible thing to me. I hate feeling like no matter how hard I worked...it was for nothing. I see the dregs of humanity making it WAY more comfortably than I am. I'm sick of feeling like I'm doomed from start. What does Lyric have to look forward to? Nothing new ever? Always hand me downs and second best. Nothing nice ever? I guess it would make her appreciate more. But...fuck appreciating more! When I was younger I wasnt appreciating shit!
Alright, I'll get off it. I'm done. I told you there wasnt much to update on...
Next Day...
I'm sittinghere at work thinkin aabout all the shit that i constantly drive myself nutts over. I'm thinking that maybe i am so emotional because, well, its that time of the month. But I'm sitting here looking at this Avon book and they have these products that are supposed to firm your breast, get rid of cellulite, and erase stretch marks. And I'm sitting here about to cry because I know those products dont work and no matter what I buy they'll never work. I'm 23 years "young" and I have flabby skin, stretch marks, wrinkles, and cellulite. So i'm geting all upset over the superficial things in life but, well...i want to be pretty...is that so horrible? To want to be pretty? To want Orman to beem with pride when he walks down the street with me? And of course i would want to think that i am above physicial appearances, but i'm obviously not. So what I'm a superficial fat wrinkly hill damaged 23 year old?
Never mind...its the hormones talking...
This was becoming annoying. So i called him back and told him that I cant go to school on thursday's and he changed the schedule to only Monday's and Tuesday's but the same amount of work has to be completed. Fair 'nough.
Ugh. justin has to go play darts tonight. Why, when he's here, sometimes I wish he were gone, and when i know he has to be away i dont want him to go? What the fuck kind of sick shit is that? Why does my mind like to fuck with itself that way? I guess it likes to play with itself. HA! My brains a masturbator by nature! Or maybe i am just a self abuser. I'm so eternally bored that I fuck with myself for kicks?
I told a friend of mine the other day, my day off, that i wanted to see him and he told me to go drive and pick him up and we would go out for coffee.
I am soooo totally broke right now. I havent been this broke in a LONG LONG LONG time. And i didnt go hang out with him. I'm used to being ok and being able to just go and do something...I am down to like $0.22 not even enough to get 5 sticks of gum in a tiny little cheap ass package! I am so pissed off that i am broke right now and i cant do shit about it! I dont have time to look for a different job or drum up enough business in graphic design, this thing I just spent $26, 000 on, to make it worht a shit. It'll be soooo much to swallow if it is not even a lucrative career. Its been a little hard having that thought...and not letting it take over ALL thoughts! GOD! I hate failing...it is the most fucking horrible thing to me. I hate feeling like no matter how hard I worked...it was for nothing. I see the dregs of humanity making it WAY more comfortably than I am. I'm sick of feeling like I'm doomed from start. What does Lyric have to look forward to? Nothing new ever? Always hand me downs and second best. Nothing nice ever? I guess it would make her appreciate more. But...fuck appreciating more! When I was younger I wasnt appreciating shit!
Alright, I'll get off it. I'm done. I told you there wasnt much to update on...
Next Day...
I'm sittinghere at work thinkin aabout all the shit that i constantly drive myself nutts over. I'm thinking that maybe i am so emotional because, well, its that time of the month. But I'm sitting here looking at this Avon book and they have these products that are supposed to firm your breast, get rid of cellulite, and erase stretch marks. And I'm sitting here about to cry because I know those products dont work and no matter what I buy they'll never work. I'm 23 years "young" and I have flabby skin, stretch marks, wrinkles, and cellulite. So i'm geting all upset over the superficial things in life but, well...i want to be pretty...is that so horrible? To want to be pretty? To want Orman to beem with pride when he walks down the street with me? And of course i would want to think that i am above physicial appearances, but i'm obviously not. So what I'm a superficial fat wrinkly hill damaged 23 year old?
Never mind...its the hormones talking...
VIEW 9 of 9 COMMENTS
just don't forget where yr true self resides and the beauty that it is.
[Edited on Oct 16, 2004 9:49AM]