geist81

is it worrisome that i am far more nervous about returning to civilian life than i was about coming in the military?

civilians are weird man. dunno if i can take being around you lot (volkov excluded) all the time.

no offense of course.

-josh

dear army,

is my asshole not stretched large enough for you yet, from the constant ravages of bohica? must you inform people with less time in service, the unit and out here that they will be going home earlier right in front of me? and then tell me i'm not, despite the fact i was supposed to start terminal leave in fucking november?

you suck....
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that's right ladies and gentlemen...today i achieved a quarter century of low grade hate and high octane contempt for most of the world. happy fucking birthday to me.



-josh

so yeah...friday i turn 25. once again, a birthday in the desert, where i've spent three of the last five of them. and once again single (although this hasn't bothered me since i got divorced nearly as much as it used to to), and far the fuck away from all my freinds (that'd be you lot). but soon, if not quite soon enough, i'll be...
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just a few points....

-more than three months since i've had a cigarette. yay me.
-hopefully two more months and my ass is no longer owned by uncle sam.
-bad sign when you constantly contemplate homocide, and have the ability to sign out an assault rifle and ammunition. but also pleasing.
-ordered by software and controller keyboard, now all i need is a bass amp...
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Rubicon, by VNV Nation

Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.
I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.

I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplesness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent...
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but in the end, it's all for nothing.

---Pot Committed by Bane---
Will not back down now
I've got no place else to run and hide to
Have come too far to buckle now
Can't lay this one down to the likes of you

And I don't say that with some bullshit sense of pride
I need you to know that I'm not done screaming
About whether or not your foot has the...
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When I die I shall be content to vanish into nothingness.... No show, however good, could conceivably be good forever.... I do not believe in immortality, and have no desire for it. ~H.L. Mencken
-----------------------

fuck it. it's all over now, nothing left. it's all broken and never getting fixed. i should just go.

::fin::

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
sorry about that guys, just had to vent. that...
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"You have come into a hard world. I know of only one easy place in it, and that is the grave." Henry Ward Beecher

::message ends::