first off...something i wrote today in a state of maudlin irish drunkeness (shut it mike, maudlin and emo-ness are different, you fucking navy bastard! 
)
i cannot understand this. you tell me these things you love and want in life, and when i offer them, you run away. you tell me how much you love being near and with me, yet when i reach for you, you pull away. you tell me you're scared because you haven't felt this way in a long time. and i know i'm scared too, but life's too short not to take the chances you're offered. i know that life beat the flowers and candy and romance out of me a long time ago, but i'm trying. i know you have to leave, but did you have to slam the door on your way out? i wish i could understand.
or maybe i was wrong all along and only heard what i wanted to hear. i know you'll never read this, but i want you to know maybe i've decided i'm tired of being who i had to be, and want to be who i can be with you.
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yeah, so once again, your freindly neighborhood geist has apparently screwed the pooch (and not in a good way, although i think there probably isn't a good way to screw a pooch). somehow, in trying to...well leave my past behind, but that's not the right phrase....and see what else life had to offer, managed to drive away the first person that's made me feel anything in a long time. or maybe i'm just terminally fucked up.
but i begin to wonder whether these always futiles attempts are even worth the effort anymore. nietszche said that some men are born posthumously, and i know he's right. i look into the eyes of people these days, and in maybe one out of a thousand, is there anything i can identify. maybe it'd all just be better for everyone if i'd never been at all.
i think this was probably my last attempt to connect with someone outside of a strictly platonic relationship. it's just not worth the blood and pain anymore. i hate myself enough as it is, without having someone else confirm my correctness in this matter for me. i'm tired of the games and the lies and waking up alone with hope. so hope dies tonight. i'll walk alone from now on.
and the day of the bullet is marked on the calendar now. only two promises left out of those that kept me here. and one of those is over soon enough.
don't mind me....i've only ever been a shadow.
- freier geist/ er, der alleine geht
)
i cannot understand this. you tell me these things you love and want in life, and when i offer them, you run away. you tell me how much you love being near and with me, yet when i reach for you, you pull away. you tell me you're scared because you haven't felt this way in a long time. and i know i'm scared too, but life's too short not to take the chances you're offered. i know that life beat the flowers and candy and romance out of me a long time ago, but i'm trying. i know you have to leave, but did you have to slam the door on your way out? i wish i could understand.
or maybe i was wrong all along and only heard what i wanted to hear. i know you'll never read this, but i want you to know maybe i've decided i'm tired of being who i had to be, and want to be who i can be with you.
-----------------------------------
yeah, so once again, your freindly neighborhood geist has apparently screwed the pooch (and not in a good way, although i think there probably isn't a good way to screw a pooch). somehow, in trying to...well leave my past behind, but that's not the right phrase....and see what else life had to offer, managed to drive away the first person that's made me feel anything in a long time. or maybe i'm just terminally fucked up.
but i begin to wonder whether these always futiles attempts are even worth the effort anymore. nietszche said that some men are born posthumously, and i know he's right. i look into the eyes of people these days, and in maybe one out of a thousand, is there anything i can identify. maybe it'd all just be better for everyone if i'd never been at all.
i think this was probably my last attempt to connect with someone outside of a strictly platonic relationship. it's just not worth the blood and pain anymore. i hate myself enough as it is, without having someone else confirm my correctness in this matter for me. i'm tired of the games and the lies and waking up alone with hope. so hope dies tonight. i'll walk alone from now on.
and the day of the bullet is marked on the calendar now. only two promises left out of those that kept me here. and one of those is over soon enough.
don't mind me....i've only ever been a shadow.
- freier geist/ er, der alleine geht
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
I use it all the time...
I hope things pick up for you.. because there's nowhere to go but up, right? i mean, unless you were to eat something really gross alive.. like a toad or a scorpion.... fear factor style...
you whine and bitch about emo and indie kids bitching and whining. hi pot, this is kettle and we both agree (kettle and i) that you're turning into a fucking hypocrit.. so i guess this is the end, bro, cause all your facades of posi-this and hardcore this, are fucking falling down.