Home, just in time to get ready for work tomorrow. We had an excellent weekend. KW and I spent the weekend at our cabin in the Adirondacks. Actually, it's my parents cabin, they just let us use it. We do have some new neighbors. They bought the cabin nearest to us. There is a safe distance between cabins, so it's cool. They are an older hippie couple with 2 boys. They are all very nice and we all get along very well. It was a fun and relaxing weekend.
We got home earlier so that I could take my dad out for dinner and give him his Fathers Day gift. I took him to SukoThai on Lark St and he really enjoyed it. he had never been there before. I gave him his gift there and he nearly shit! I got him tickets to see his all-time favorite artist - Patti Smith. She is playing with Neil Young & Crazy Horse in November. Now he thinks I am the tits!!!! My words, not his. KW and I will be going to the concert as well, so it will be a double date with my parents, lol. Oh yeah, we went to Ben & Jerry's for desert!
Quick boobie break
I am making this a short one today. I am exhausted from travel and dinner. Don't think I forgot about posting some more lame writings!!! I won't let you go that easy. This weeks choice isn't really a poem, it's more of a story. I will call it a tangent! So here goes. I hope you enjoy!
The Rapid Zombification of America
You tune in to Fox News as usual.
The headline at the bottom of the TV screen reads:
AIRBORNE PATHOGENS ARE INFECTING EVERYONE OVERSEAS,
CAUSING THEM TO DEVOLVE INTO RABID ANIMALISTIC KILLING
MACHINES. TERRORISM WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.
The headline scrolls off the screen and a flashing message pops
up, encouraging you and every other patriotic American that is
watching to turn in your clunkers for cash. A Coca-Cola ad
featuring Michael Jackson's "Thriller" plays for several minutes.
You go to the fridge, grab a Coke.
Attempt to look on the bright side.
You consider that these previously famished masses of strangers
have gone from starving daily to never being hungry again and
you completely avoid that the millions of undead now swarming
the other continents on the planet will stop at nothing to eat
the rest of humanity alive.
You and the people you love are still alive at this point,
so being the American patriot that you are, you raise yourself
onto a pedestal of Red, White, and Blue and exclaim
that zombification will never happen in the U.S.A.
1.) Because you live in the best country on the planet, and
your fellow countrymen will protect you.
2.) Large corporations, banks, and our government have
everything under control when it comes to global
issues.
When the commercials finally end, you sit and continue watching
Fox News which is now showing footage of U.S. fighter jets
shooting missiles and dropping bombs into the mammoth crowds
of naked, bloody non-humans as they make a massive rush
toward anything that is still living. As the bombs explode, their
undead bodies burst into rainbows of burnt flesh and you can see
severed limbs and heads scattering like confetti.
It excites you to see the evil scum finally being taken care of.
You sip your Coke and imagine them breaking a world record for
how many undead can dance simultaneously.
The footage changes again. The camera filming the destruction
catches a milestone in Zombiology. The zombified beings,
previously thought to have no critical thinking skills, are caught
purposely falling into a zombie dog pile, hundreds of thousands of
zombies high, to attack the broadcasters.
In a matter of minutes, the undead mountain becomes tall enough
to reach the Fox News helicopter and the zombies at the
top of the pile reach for the cameraman. In a most untimely and
fatal fumble, the cameraman nearly drops the camera as he
himself slips and falls from the helicopter and into the sea of the
living decay below.
As soon as the first putrefying hand grabs his face and squashes
it into mush, he is gone, with no chance of even becoming their
fellow zombie. The unmanned camera catches this footage as it
dangles from a canvas strap while hanging off the foot of the
helicopter only inches above the bloody rabid faces of the undead.
You are shocked! You quickly change the channel. MSNBC
helicopters also catch the incident, but from a few hundred yards
away they have seen the whole thing in a different light. While
you watch Rachel Maddows coverage of the event the scrolling
headline reads: FOX NEWS BROADCASTER FALLS INTO A
MOUNTAIN OF HIS PEERS AND BECOMES ONE WITH THE UNDEAD!
You splatter a mouthful of Coke onto your flat screen and turn it
off. When the screen turns black you notice a strange reflection
standing behind you. You dont move a muscle. It moves in
closer. You know this because the reflection is getting larger on
the screen. A low snarl tickles your eardrums. The foul odor of
decay brushes past your nostrils. You are convinced that its all
in your head.
Nervously, you turn the TV on again, only to see a half-faced
Rachel Maddow in a newly-shredded pant-suit foaming at the
mouth, moaning what sounds likes BRAAAAINNNNNSSS and
charging towards the screen. The snarling gets louder in your ear.
Rachel Maddow is now bashing her head into the camera lens.
Shards of glass are breaking off into the raw and decaying
remainders of her face.
You feel a pain in your neck and the TV mysteriously changes back
to Fox News. Sean Hannitys left eyeball is hanging out of its
socket, only connected by the optic nerve, and he is chewing on
Bill OReilly who is screaming, Zombies are pinheads! as loud as
he can manage before falling onto the bloodied floor of the
newsroom in a spasmodic rage.
Everything begins to fade to grey.
Your last shadowy vision in the TV screen is of the zombie in your
living room breaking off the top of your skull with brute force,
pulling out your brain, and sucking it down like a Slurpee.
We got home earlier so that I could take my dad out for dinner and give him his Fathers Day gift. I took him to SukoThai on Lark St and he really enjoyed it. he had never been there before. I gave him his gift there and he nearly shit! I got him tickets to see his all-time favorite artist - Patti Smith. She is playing with Neil Young & Crazy Horse in November. Now he thinks I am the tits!!!! My words, not his. KW and I will be going to the concert as well, so it will be a double date with my parents, lol. Oh yeah, we went to Ben & Jerry's for desert!
Quick boobie break
I am making this a short one today. I am exhausted from travel and dinner. Don't think I forgot about posting some more lame writings!!! I won't let you go that easy. This weeks choice isn't really a poem, it's more of a story. I will call it a tangent! So here goes. I hope you enjoy!
The Rapid Zombification of America
You tune in to Fox News as usual.
The headline at the bottom of the TV screen reads:
AIRBORNE PATHOGENS ARE INFECTING EVERYONE OVERSEAS,
CAUSING THEM TO DEVOLVE INTO RABID ANIMALISTIC KILLING
MACHINES. TERRORISM WILL NOT BE TOLERATED.
The headline scrolls off the screen and a flashing message pops
up, encouraging you and every other patriotic American that is
watching to turn in your clunkers for cash. A Coca-Cola ad
featuring Michael Jackson's "Thriller" plays for several minutes.
You go to the fridge, grab a Coke.
Attempt to look on the bright side.
You consider that these previously famished masses of strangers
have gone from starving daily to never being hungry again and
you completely avoid that the millions of undead now swarming
the other continents on the planet will stop at nothing to eat
the rest of humanity alive.
You and the people you love are still alive at this point,
so being the American patriot that you are, you raise yourself
onto a pedestal of Red, White, and Blue and exclaim
that zombification will never happen in the U.S.A.
1.) Because you live in the best country on the planet, and
your fellow countrymen will protect you.
2.) Large corporations, banks, and our government have
everything under control when it comes to global
issues.
When the commercials finally end, you sit and continue watching
Fox News which is now showing footage of U.S. fighter jets
shooting missiles and dropping bombs into the mammoth crowds
of naked, bloody non-humans as they make a massive rush
toward anything that is still living. As the bombs explode, their
undead bodies burst into rainbows of burnt flesh and you can see
severed limbs and heads scattering like confetti.
It excites you to see the evil scum finally being taken care of.
You sip your Coke and imagine them breaking a world record for
how many undead can dance simultaneously.
The footage changes again. The camera filming the destruction
catches a milestone in Zombiology. The zombified beings,
previously thought to have no critical thinking skills, are caught
purposely falling into a zombie dog pile, hundreds of thousands of
zombies high, to attack the broadcasters.
In a matter of minutes, the undead mountain becomes tall enough
to reach the Fox News helicopter and the zombies at the
top of the pile reach for the cameraman. In a most untimely and
fatal fumble, the cameraman nearly drops the camera as he
himself slips and falls from the helicopter and into the sea of the
living decay below.
As soon as the first putrefying hand grabs his face and squashes
it into mush, he is gone, with no chance of even becoming their
fellow zombie. The unmanned camera catches this footage as it
dangles from a canvas strap while hanging off the foot of the
helicopter only inches above the bloody rabid faces of the undead.
You are shocked! You quickly change the channel. MSNBC
helicopters also catch the incident, but from a few hundred yards
away they have seen the whole thing in a different light. While
you watch Rachel Maddows coverage of the event the scrolling
headline reads: FOX NEWS BROADCASTER FALLS INTO A
MOUNTAIN OF HIS PEERS AND BECOMES ONE WITH THE UNDEAD!
You splatter a mouthful of Coke onto your flat screen and turn it
off. When the screen turns black you notice a strange reflection
standing behind you. You dont move a muscle. It moves in
closer. You know this because the reflection is getting larger on
the screen. A low snarl tickles your eardrums. The foul odor of
decay brushes past your nostrils. You are convinced that its all
in your head.
Nervously, you turn the TV on again, only to see a half-faced
Rachel Maddow in a newly-shredded pant-suit foaming at the
mouth, moaning what sounds likes BRAAAAINNNNNSSS and
charging towards the screen. The snarling gets louder in your ear.
Rachel Maddow is now bashing her head into the camera lens.
Shards of glass are breaking off into the raw and decaying
remainders of her face.
You feel a pain in your neck and the TV mysteriously changes back
to Fox News. Sean Hannitys left eyeball is hanging out of its
socket, only connected by the optic nerve, and he is chewing on
Bill OReilly who is screaming, Zombies are pinheads! as loud as
he can manage before falling onto the bloodied floor of the
newsroom in a spasmodic rage.
Everything begins to fade to grey.
Your last shadowy vision in the TV screen is of the zombie in your
living room breaking off the top of your skull with brute force,
pulling out your brain, and sucking it down like a Slurpee.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
I hate to agree with Bill O'Reilly, but zombies kinda are pinheads
Oh - and magnificent boobs, too!