This is the poem that I told you about this weekend. It was written by a friend of mine. When I read it I cried. To give you just a little background about her, without revealing too much. She grew up in the corn belt. I met her several years ago at college and we have remained friends ever since. I have let her read my poetry, the stuff I have posted here, and others that are very private to me. She has let me read some of hers too. When she handed me this one I was floored. I never knew what she went through as a teen. I came out when I was 16 and went through some changes in friends, but nothing close to what my friend did. I will not say her name here just in case anyone who knows me reads this. She did give me permission to post this as long as I kept her identity private. I just wish things were different for her growing up. I guess things that I take for granted, being from New York, are not considered acceptable in other regions of the country.
Well, before I go off and start spouting my idealistic beliefs and make a fool of myself, here is the poem. I do hope you feel her emotion in it. It comes straight from her heart and soul.
~ Why I Hate Being Me ~
I am beginning to hate facebook and the memories it brings.
I talked to a friend last nightI was horrified to hear what she had to say.
Now, you need to know I came out gay at a young age
I told my close friends I was a lesbian at 14
High school was a living nightmare from that day forward.
Never did I think my sexuality would have hurt my friends as much as it did.
People said I was strong, and brave.
They told me to keep my head held high and never lose sight of who I was.
But they never knew how much I was dying inside.
In school it didn't matter what was said, or done
YOU were guilty by association.
My friends were the target of harassment.
And if you couldn't beat them, join them.
They let the rumors get the best of them
And now they resent me for making their lives hell too.
They resent me for pulling them down.
I took you out of an abusive home, put food in your stomach and a roof over your head
I would have given my left leg to make sure you were safe.
To be turned around, to be told I had an ulterior motive
To have the nerve to say I did it all out of sexual attraction.
I never touched you.
And I will no longer speak to you from this day forward.
A stab in the back was not what I was looking for.
They couldn't handle the accusations by being seen as my friend.
So they threw daggers in my direction along with the rest of the school.
I didn't let you kill me.
I didn't let you drag me down.
I was happy with who I was.
10 years has gone by and you have yet to forget every detail of how my being gay ruined your life.
You had 10 years to learn to hate me.
Thank god you can't see my face, or hear my voice right now
The screen hides my tears.
The screen hides the sound of my heart breaking.
I had a small circle of friends, ones I loved dearly.
I always thought they loved me too.
Only to find, they hated my muff diving ass.
They didn't know the half of what I went through
They didn't know the bullets I took to the chest for them.
They didn't know how much I adored them all.
I walked away from them, for they didn't know how much THEY were hurting me.
I dropped out fo school.
I remained the bad guy and took the blame for everything that fell apart.
And that was ok, cuz I wasn't around to defend myself.
It was a battle I would NEVER win.
I never showed my face in that school again and my friends had a wonderful grad
WITHOUT ME.
I saw prom pictures, jealous I couldn't be there
Pissed off the school wouldn't let me go.
I realize now, it was for the better.
I thought I had moved past that part of my life.
Then someone introduced me to facebook.
And I saw all my friends.
I missed them so much.
So I clicked friend request.
And the cycle of high school drama begins again.
10 against 1
It was my entire fault
Thanks for tearing that scar open
Thanks for making me bleed.
I couldn't say sorry enough, but I never knew what I was saying sorry for.
Striving to find words to get them to see me, not the rumors, not my sexuality.
I found the delete button in a hurry
And once again I walked away from who I thought were my friends.
But this time I know, this isn't MY problem.
It's THEIRS!
Goodbye for good guys.
Well, before I go off and start spouting my idealistic beliefs and make a fool of myself, here is the poem. I do hope you feel her emotion in it. It comes straight from her heart and soul.
~ Why I Hate Being Me ~
I am beginning to hate facebook and the memories it brings.
I talked to a friend last nightI was horrified to hear what she had to say.
Now, you need to know I came out gay at a young age
I told my close friends I was a lesbian at 14
High school was a living nightmare from that day forward.
Never did I think my sexuality would have hurt my friends as much as it did.
People said I was strong, and brave.
They told me to keep my head held high and never lose sight of who I was.
But they never knew how much I was dying inside.
In school it didn't matter what was said, or done
YOU were guilty by association.
My friends were the target of harassment.
And if you couldn't beat them, join them.
They let the rumors get the best of them
And now they resent me for making their lives hell too.
They resent me for pulling them down.
I took you out of an abusive home, put food in your stomach and a roof over your head
I would have given my left leg to make sure you were safe.
To be turned around, to be told I had an ulterior motive
To have the nerve to say I did it all out of sexual attraction.
I never touched you.
And I will no longer speak to you from this day forward.
A stab in the back was not what I was looking for.
They couldn't handle the accusations by being seen as my friend.
So they threw daggers in my direction along with the rest of the school.
I didn't let you kill me.
I didn't let you drag me down.
I was happy with who I was.
10 years has gone by and you have yet to forget every detail of how my being gay ruined your life.
You had 10 years to learn to hate me.
Thank god you can't see my face, or hear my voice right now
The screen hides my tears.
The screen hides the sound of my heart breaking.
I had a small circle of friends, ones I loved dearly.
I always thought they loved me too.
Only to find, they hated my muff diving ass.
They didn't know the half of what I went through
They didn't know the bullets I took to the chest for them.
They didn't know how much I adored them all.
I walked away from them, for they didn't know how much THEY were hurting me.
I dropped out fo school.
I remained the bad guy and took the blame for everything that fell apart.
And that was ok, cuz I wasn't around to defend myself.
It was a battle I would NEVER win.
I never showed my face in that school again and my friends had a wonderful grad
WITHOUT ME.
I saw prom pictures, jealous I couldn't be there
Pissed off the school wouldn't let me go.
I realize now, it was for the better.
I thought I had moved past that part of my life.
Then someone introduced me to facebook.
And I saw all my friends.
I missed them so much.
So I clicked friend request.
And the cycle of high school drama begins again.
10 against 1
It was my entire fault
Thanks for tearing that scar open
Thanks for making me bleed.
I couldn't say sorry enough, but I never knew what I was saying sorry for.
Striving to find words to get them to see me, not the rumors, not my sexuality.
I found the delete button in a hurry
And once again I walked away from who I thought were my friends.
But this time I know, this isn't MY problem.
It's THEIRS!
Goodbye for good guys.
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
You're a lot braver than me.