geekpat

Sometimes facing the things you're scared of or the things you're trying to deal with is a good thing, because it's hard to imagine they'll go away by themselves and if you don't face them, they'll probably haunt you forever. On the other hand, you spend more time thinking about these things, more time dwelling on them, building up mountains of regret and self-hate because you've overanalyse every single mistake you've made, every single bad choice, every weakness, every challenge or difficult thing that you've backed away from and it just drags you down, filling you with sickness and despair and hopelessness. You go over and over them, all the things you've done wrong, and instead of facing and overcoming them, you end up reinforcing them. You shore up the foundations of your own pain and brokenness with every thought, every self-doubt and criticism until it becomes automatic. You never get a break from all the shit that goes on in your head, your thoughts spiral out of control, you can't stop them. Each one doing harm, adding to the weight of the thousands that came before it until you feel so worn out that you can barely move, barely function, barely stay alive.