gcharles

The Green-Eyed Monster, and boy can it be a monster of a problem. When most think of it, they think of romantic jealousy, but there is also interpersonal jealousy (of friends/acquaintances/unknown people), social jealousy, and cultural jealousy. But to start, let us talk about romantic jealousy. One or both people causing undue stress to the other in ways of fear of losing the relationship or the fidelity in the relationship. The way I see it, there are two possible outcomes for this fear, justified and unjustified. Regardless of the outcome, there are a few possible causes that are occurring, possibly concurrently leading to this undue stress. You or your partner think too low yourselves, one or both of you are cheaters, you or your partner is not doing what they should to keep the other interested in growing with one another (Not saying cheating is okay, possibly you or your partner are unsatisfied with what the other is doing to maintain the relationship), or one or both of you is outright crazy (By the way crazy is a choice, but mental illness isn't, they are not one in the same). If one of you thinks too lowly of yourselves, perhaps you should take a break from relationships to reevaluate your own worth. If one or both of you are cheaters, then perhaps you should seek more open relationships (You may be surprised with polyamory or an open relationship). If you or your partner are not doing what it takes to maintain a relationship, maybe you should have a frank discussion about what can or should be done. You may choose to relax the relationship or even end it, but it would be better than hiding things and having it blow up. You may be surprised at the reasons for the lack of effort or by what the other may be going through, causing them to lack in effort. If one or both of you are crazy, you may not see what you are doing or they may not see what they are doing, but in my experience, when people choose crazy, they do not make for a good partner. Interpersonal jealousy is also a common thing, "I wish I had what he has...", or "I wish I could do what she can...". There are two possible outcomes for wanting the things or skills or relationships another has, either you can gain something similar or you are not capable of it (Don't go after the exact object or relationship they have). If you can attain your goal then go for it, if you need help, ask a friend or acquaintance how they achieved your desired outcome. A Friend is likely to help, freely ask. An acquaintance is not as likely to freely help, but you can try. An unknown person is likely to be fearful of direct contact without previous social protocols being followed as they rightfully should be, but if not the exact person who has the similar thing, skill, or relationship you desire, find someone similar who offers advice and try that path (Don't be a creep). Or you could attempt to turn them into a friend and ask them then. If it is not possible, even with help to achieve your desired goal, then why be jealous or upset, forget it. I know that is easier said than done, but think about it, what good does it do to pine after something/someone you will never be able to have? Get creative too, there may not seem like a logical way to attain your goal, but take the time and learn more, knowledge, after all, is power and creativity is key. I won't go into my thoughts on social or cultural jealousy because I don't feel I have a good enough grasp on them from personal experience and knowledge to even give an opinion. Jealousy causes people to go to extremes to get what they want or avoid losing what they have, try to learn more about yourself and your relationships so that you do not suffer needlessly at the hands of the Green-Eyed Monster, try to think instead of just feeling helpless. Evaluate your own capabilities and limits often, as they may change, like anything, with time. Be honest, knowing that others are not always that way.