When one door closes, another one opens even wider they say
Is it true? If so, then whats the struggle for? You learn from your mistakes right? People are going to want you, need you, exceed you, take you, love you, hate you, play you, rate you, save you and break you because in the end thats what makes you. Quirky little lines I know, Ive been getting myself by on them. But Im going to be honest here with anyone who wants to read this. No lying its all out on the table; not for you to pity me or expect any kind of change out of me but just because I want it off my chest and I think that if I do maybe I can get on with my life.
Since high school graduation I think Ive seen the hardest of times so far, drama I know, but its really helped me to grow up. Variety of things: my mom with her random new jobs, whats it been 4 in the last year or so now? My own personal changes in jobs a few times, mostly willingly up until this present lay off with Moss Bros. Then school: changing my major from pharmacology to psychology we will see where that goes. Im not taking any classes, but Im sure as hell going to finish that AS degree as soon as I can; Im done having those wasted units stare at me.
In the beginning year or so after high school I was working odd closing shifts at work, I was still shocked I was done with high school and I still was avoiding the truth about how badly I missed being in band, hanging out with Tim too much and going to classes that I didnt really have to pay attention to. Its kind of all a blur now; I just know that I appreciate the friends that were by my side in my time of need. I was fighting through depression, separation anxiety from the world I knew, Im not sure what it really was but they like to give it fancy names because of my family history. Its all in the predisposition; your mother and father, grandpa and uncle were all alcohols, watch what you do or it will get to you to. I believe it, I know its true luckily my problem isnt with alcohol or drugs. Im just emotional, lol, unable to keep to myself. Whats the fun it that? Im just not that type of person, if you know me; you probably know all my shit. Its probably been laid out on a silver platter for you to look at too thats ok. Id rather be real; I think it helps to see it from others perspectives because you can lie to yourself better than they can to you.
Mostly what Im getting at here is that Ive made it this far, I thought it was never going to end, the loneliness. But it did; with the help of Tim by my side, a searching moral inventory of myself, and of course some late night Dennys breakfasts with Edmond I began to find myself, comfortably. Then, as many of you know by now, Tim and I went through our breakup, meaningless? Probably, but the distance helped us outgrow each other and luckily enough I thought I was strong enough to make it through. I dragged him through it all summer nearly we tried to stay friends, make up, and get together, just to break up again. I apologize deeply to him today; I wish it had never had to be that hard. I just wasnt ready and I was selfish, I can admit that.
On to the dating live, yeah right. I see why some people stay single forever. THANK GOD Im only 20, if its still like this by the time Im 30 just shoot me, its not worth it. But anyhow, mostly what Ive learned along this route is that no one knows what they want, can explain how to get it, or knows where to find it. It just happens; so I just let it happen. I meet a decent guy, most of you probably never even saw it happen, but ultimately it ended as well, he wasnt ready. Seems to be an underlining message here no ones ready. Its all about after I get my shit together after I finish college after I buy a house and again I just want to say thank god were still young, lmao I cant believe how many people our age, even from my graduating class are already married. Best of luck to them, I wish them only the best; but wonder how the hell did they do it.
So moving onto my life today, Im unemployed, Im sticking it out for that Pharmacy Tech job *anyone know anywhere hiring*. Im single, sadly but probably for the best *someone should know how to just be alone right?*. And ultimately, I love my friends and family that are there from me. And I apologize to those Ive hurt intentionally or not in the past. Im ready to grow up, get on with my life, maybe not fix all my problems but at least make a more conscious decision in the future about how I act and react to others.
Is it true? If so, then whats the struggle for? You learn from your mistakes right? People are going to want you, need you, exceed you, take you, love you, hate you, play you, rate you, save you and break you because in the end thats what makes you. Quirky little lines I know, Ive been getting myself by on them. But Im going to be honest here with anyone who wants to read this. No lying its all out on the table; not for you to pity me or expect any kind of change out of me but just because I want it off my chest and I think that if I do maybe I can get on with my life.
Since high school graduation I think Ive seen the hardest of times so far, drama I know, but its really helped me to grow up. Variety of things: my mom with her random new jobs, whats it been 4 in the last year or so now? My own personal changes in jobs a few times, mostly willingly up until this present lay off with Moss Bros. Then school: changing my major from pharmacology to psychology we will see where that goes. Im not taking any classes, but Im sure as hell going to finish that AS degree as soon as I can; Im done having those wasted units stare at me.
In the beginning year or so after high school I was working odd closing shifts at work, I was still shocked I was done with high school and I still was avoiding the truth about how badly I missed being in band, hanging out with Tim too much and going to classes that I didnt really have to pay attention to. Its kind of all a blur now; I just know that I appreciate the friends that were by my side in my time of need. I was fighting through depression, separation anxiety from the world I knew, Im not sure what it really was but they like to give it fancy names because of my family history. Its all in the predisposition; your mother and father, grandpa and uncle were all alcohols, watch what you do or it will get to you to. I believe it, I know its true luckily my problem isnt with alcohol or drugs. Im just emotional, lol, unable to keep to myself. Whats the fun it that? Im just not that type of person, if you know me; you probably know all my shit. Its probably been laid out on a silver platter for you to look at too thats ok. Id rather be real; I think it helps to see it from others perspectives because you can lie to yourself better than they can to you.
Mostly what Im getting at here is that Ive made it this far, I thought it was never going to end, the loneliness. But it did; with the help of Tim by my side, a searching moral inventory of myself, and of course some late night Dennys breakfasts with Edmond I began to find myself, comfortably. Then, as many of you know by now, Tim and I went through our breakup, meaningless? Probably, but the distance helped us outgrow each other and luckily enough I thought I was strong enough to make it through. I dragged him through it all summer nearly we tried to stay friends, make up, and get together, just to break up again. I apologize deeply to him today; I wish it had never had to be that hard. I just wasnt ready and I was selfish, I can admit that.
On to the dating live, yeah right. I see why some people stay single forever. THANK GOD Im only 20, if its still like this by the time Im 30 just shoot me, its not worth it. But anyhow, mostly what Ive learned along this route is that no one knows what they want, can explain how to get it, or knows where to find it. It just happens; so I just let it happen. I meet a decent guy, most of you probably never even saw it happen, but ultimately it ended as well, he wasnt ready. Seems to be an underlining message here no ones ready. Its all about after I get my shit together after I finish college after I buy a house and again I just want to say thank god were still young, lmao I cant believe how many people our age, even from my graduating class are already married. Best of luck to them, I wish them only the best; but wonder how the hell did they do it.
So moving onto my life today, Im unemployed, Im sticking it out for that Pharmacy Tech job *anyone know anywhere hiring*. Im single, sadly but probably for the best *someone should know how to just be alone right?*. And ultimately, I love my friends and family that are there from me. And I apologize to those Ive hurt intentionally or not in the past. Im ready to grow up, get on with my life, maybe not fix all my problems but at least make a more conscious decision in the future about how I act and react to others.
The best thing is you know what's up and you're working with that.
You will still have some hills to climb, you always will. And you will probably slip back down a few times too. But the key is having your shit together in way that you can get back out and keep climbing.
And you are doing that now. Now is the time when you work hard, scrap through jobs and school to figure out what works for you. You are laying a foundation and everyone lays it different and some it takes longer than others.
But as long as you don't loose sight of your goals things will pay off and work out.
And there is nothing wrong with being single for awhile. You confidence and security only blossom more when you know that you'll always be fine on your own.
Here's to you!