Day 2 of the New Job Saga:
I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of my job. I played "sweeper" today in that I was designing pages on my own and editing stories. An editor even commented I was doing well and rockin' it.
Tomorrow is going to be hectic because we put out two publications. We'll see how I do.
But during all of it I made the mistake of sending a text message to RS, saying I had this weekend open if he wanted to hang out. He responded he's going to Sonoma this weekend. My first thought was "You're going out of town without me?" Stupid, I know, but I feel like I've always gone with him unless it was a work thing and now I'm not. It's just one more piece of evidence saying I'm out of his life. What if he's taking a girl with him? I want to see him soon so I know if it's worth holding onto my hope. So many people seem to think we'll end up together again. Yet I don't know. I need answers. What do I do with the primary if RS does want me to come back? Primary knows I love RS and will drop everything to be with him. I don't like having loose ends like this. It just makes me nervous. All day today I fought the urge to drink. I feel like a fucking alcoholic. In reality, all I want is RS to grab me and hold me and tell me he loves me. I want to wake up next to him. I want to hear about his day and about string theory and spooky at a distance effect. I want to plan trips with him. I want to discuss moving in together in the future. I want to marry him.
What's really sad is a little more than a year ago, I said pretty much the same things about the boy (RS's predecessor). Thinking about that leads me to wonder where things with the Primary will lead. I won't discount a possible future, but I don't see it being an ideal situation. With RS, at least in the beginning, I could sort of see it and then it got stronger and stronger. Don't get me wrong, Primary is amazing. A perfect gentleman but I don't get the future vibe with him like I did with RS or the boy.
Boys are the root of all evil. hurumph.
I feel like I'm starting to get the hang of my job. I played "sweeper" today in that I was designing pages on my own and editing stories. An editor even commented I was doing well and rockin' it.
Tomorrow is going to be hectic because we put out two publications. We'll see how I do.
But during all of it I made the mistake of sending a text message to RS, saying I had this weekend open if he wanted to hang out. He responded he's going to Sonoma this weekend. My first thought was "You're going out of town without me?" Stupid, I know, but I feel like I've always gone with him unless it was a work thing and now I'm not. It's just one more piece of evidence saying I'm out of his life. What if he's taking a girl with him? I want to see him soon so I know if it's worth holding onto my hope. So many people seem to think we'll end up together again. Yet I don't know. I need answers. What do I do with the primary if RS does want me to come back? Primary knows I love RS and will drop everything to be with him. I don't like having loose ends like this. It just makes me nervous. All day today I fought the urge to drink. I feel like a fucking alcoholic. In reality, all I want is RS to grab me and hold me and tell me he loves me. I want to wake up next to him. I want to hear about his day and about string theory and spooky at a distance effect. I want to plan trips with him. I want to discuss moving in together in the future. I want to marry him.
What's really sad is a little more than a year ago, I said pretty much the same things about the boy (RS's predecessor). Thinking about that leads me to wonder where things with the Primary will lead. I won't discount a possible future, but I don't see it being an ideal situation. With RS, at least in the beginning, I could sort of see it and then it got stronger and stronger. Don't get me wrong, Primary is amazing. A perfect gentleman but I don't get the future vibe with him like I did with RS or the boy.
Boys are the root of all evil. hurumph.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
And good to hear you're already rocking it at the new gig. No surprise there, really.
As to the rest, I thought it was money, but to each their own, right?