gallows

This is all going to be a bunch of jibber jabber complaining and MAYBE a bit more.. sorry

Lately ive been on the "friend" thing again, but i get on the friend rants because i don't get it.
I couldn't care less if you don't like me, there seems to be plenty of people out there for various reasons why they don't and if you don't, ok. Im ok with that. Im not going to argue with you about why you SHOULD like me, because like most beliefs, you have your belief about something ive done and theres not much anyone can do to change that.
Oh. Well.
I dont think i need the people in my life that will blindly follow something they have heard about me, or hey, maybe i have done it and they don't agree. SOME people get insanely defensive when they find out im vegan, if someone is going to trash talk me over something so silly that affects them in no way, so be it, it doesn't change me and i don't need them.

BUT when someone pretends to be my friend, even a close friend, then shit talks me behind my back, thats different. Don't pretend to care about someone, hang out with them on a daily basis, let them tell you their feelings, then go behind their back and shit talk them. HOW LOW CAN YOU GO? I think i put to much trust in people to soon. Im always down for giving some one a second chance or giving them the benefit of the doubt and really, it has NEVER worked out for me.
Whats funny is shit talking someone to other someones that are in a circle of friends with the person you are shit talking. THEN that person knows you are shit talking about someone who you are pretending to be friends with so then they think YOU are the shitty one and shit talk about you to their other friends, who happen to also be friends with the person you are shit talking so those people, if they are real friends with the person you are shit talking, will tell THAT person out of love and worry for that persons feelings, all the while thinking you are shitty for saying such things about someone you are "friends" with.
So its just one huge mean cycle.
Its even better when they don't seem to know why you haven't talked to them or why you don't want to be their friend anymore. Oh please, you fucking know. YOU are the one being a dick, why not own up to it?
But alas, they play the victim, oh poor me.
And then maybe, they will do weird crap, like talking about your boyfriend and how nice of a guy he is when really they dont know anything about him. They have only been around him but will never really know him. Weird things just to try and pick at you..

I dont have very many friends. It could be because im shy about meeting new people or maybe its because i work a 35-40 hour week. I honestly don't think its me and if it is my friends are not doing a good job at telling me, in fact, nobody does, i guess they would like to shit talk me to other people instead.
My best friend just moved 2 hours away, im patiently awaiting the day i get to move closer. I miss her so much. Shyan has been my only true friend in my whole life. Shes always been there for me. My other best friend is incredible but not much of a talker. Im not sure how many dogs are, but nevertheless Holiday fills my life with so much joy, i couldnt ask for anything better. Then Joshua, im dating my best friend. Hes all i could ever hope for and more! But thats a different blog
I don't think im a bad person, ive devoted a huge part of my life and money to helping animals. i am closer with a lot of my family then most people are, i do everything that is humanly possible for my boyfriend and real friends, I can at least TRY at this life thing. What would i think if i met myself? Well, we would have a lot in common.

Does it bother me that i don't have many friends? Yes and No. I wouldn't care to have more GOOD friends, but at the same time i don't have them for a reason. If someone is talking bad about me but pretending to be my friend then i don't need them as one at all. Plus i have what little real friends i do and they love me and thats it. I still have an incredible life and am very happy.

I guess what im saying is, please for the love of all the animals in the world, DONT pretend to be a very good close friend then tell everyone all the things that you hate about me or whatever it is you bitch about. If you don't like me, don't be my friend, If you don't want to "deal with coming to my place" then don't. Stay home. Simply try not lying or better yet, face your problems and let people know what you don't like instead if acting like an 11 year old and talking behind their back, its easy and I can live without your drama filled life just fine.

P.S.
I <3 all my SG and internet buddies <3