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galen

Member Since 2003

Followers 10 Following 8

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Wednesday Oct 01, 2003

Oct 1, 2003
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So we're born innocent, dependant, and knowledgeless. We have to be fed, cared for and loved, yet we give nothing in return. We quickly figure out that when we cry, we get attention. Sometimes our cries are genuine, sometimes not. Either way, we're thinking and manipulating things in our favor, but we're still innocent to the world and the cruelty of others.

Our parents dread that day. The day that another kid at school will call us a name, push us down or make fun of us. They know we'll come home crushed, not understanding why it happened and how to feel about it. That experience will either crush us or we'll grow from it. Either way, thus begiins the turning of us knowing what WE want to what we THINK we want. Up to this point our parents molded us, taught us right from wrong. Our environment, brothers and sisters factored in heavily on who we've become up to this point too. How overweight we are at this time can contribute to the self-confidence we have around others, etc. We know all this shit right? I seriously don't have to go on and on about what we go through while we grow up, right? Use yer imagination, your own personal experience, whatever. But keep in mind, we didn't just keep evolving and getting better and better. Somewhere along the way we got lost..

We either never grew up and kept smoking pot, livin with our folks. Or we grew up too fast, got a job that led to yet another, higher paying job, or we went to school to end up with that higher paying job, then we got married. Possibly even had kids. That definitely wakes you up quick i bet. Support from the family is cool, yeah, but still, that has to wake you up real quick. If yer on yer own? Even harder i bet. Bittersweet.

Anyway, at what point does life distract us so much that we lose our way and end up realizing that it's us we need to explore again? We don't know what the fuck we want. We did at some point, right? Wrong. Now we doubt everything, start anew, discover shit all the time, cry, pull our hair out, start smoking or start smoking again, whatever the fuck..

I got news for ya. We fucking changed.

In fact we're still changing, constantly. Sleeping next to someone each and every night, inches away, you can change, take different paths, make choices, grow apart and end up miles from one another. Fucking friends who pay the bills, take out the garbage and live in the same house. It's enough for some. Enough so much that when you finally say, "I can't live like this anymore. if i was 75 i could sit with you on the fucking porch, drink lemonade and be your fucking friend, but not right now.... I'm done, i'm out, cashed in..... nothing left." they react like, "what the fuck? Where did that come from? I'm devastated, i had no clue, oh poor me!" Fuckin livin in a tunnel. I see these assholes and bitches every single day i walk the planet. I can pick um out just drivin down the road. Hittin the store for some grub, at work. Doing what they think is right. Life passing them by. Everything else turned off.

Everything changed while you were "distracted". What you want changed, your ideal changed, your spots changed, you crave change. What happened to trigger you to get back in touch with what it might be that you want, who the fuck knows? But it's begun, and you're hungry for it. What is it? Who the fuck knows, but you're somewhere between 27 and 45 and by gawd you want it so bad you can taste it. Is there too much at stake? Kids? Do you sacrifice? Settle? Let it soak in for a while to see if it's just a passing fad/pre-midlife crisis kinda thing?

Tick

Tock

Tick

Tock

VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
neodrunk:
I so want to read this... but need to set aside a solid half hour to do so.

tonguemiao!!
Oct 5, 2003
oldschool:
You said it all pretty good. I don't know what to say.
TYLER DURDEN would retort
"never be complete"
and I would agree.
Oct 6, 2003

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