galaxy42

• Take a creative writing class.

Once upon a time, I was actually a half-way decent writer. And I enjoyed it. Over the years, I've formed outlines in my head for about 6 or 7 different stories. I'd love to finally put one of them in print. Every time I make an attempt at it, though, I find that my focus is less than stellar and once I recognize that things are going badly, my motivation drops to nigh non-existent levels. I'm hoping that, in a classroom setting, with set assignments, I'll be able to knock the rust off and produce something that I can be proud of. I always worked better under pressure.

Mostly, I want to exorcise all the characters rattling around in my head. They talk to me throughout the day (no, not literally... ) as they evolve and the story changes slightly. Sometimes, I think of my brain in terms of a computer's CPU usage meter. Those stories are chugging along in the background all the time, using up valuable resources that I could be putting to good use on something like inventing something brilliant and becoming independently wealthy from marketing said non-descript-fictional-invention.

Yeah... I just need to clean my internal hard drive. (no sophomoric jokes, please)


• Take a Krav Maga class.

I did a trial class here in Portland a few months ago and loved it. It was intense. If I find a class back in the Columbus area, it'll help keep me fit and build a little confidence. I'm tired of backing down when the threat of things becoming physical presents itself. As the official fighting system of the IDF and law enforcement officials everywhere, I'm sure it's pretty damn effective.


• Finish producing my soon-to-be-former band's first EP.

Oh, ferchrissake... talk about consuming precious loads CPU usage. I hear all of these songs in my head in a very polished and finished form. It's the recording that is a pain in my ass, and the editing/tweaking/mixing takes for freakin' ever. It'll be worth it, though... as my last official act as part of the band, I want to make the EP as good as humanly possible so they have something to shop around to local clubs/bars. It'll take me a while to do it, though... I don't have solid days of nothing but spare time when I get home. There's a shit-ton to do if I want to settle in and get back into the Ohio Groove.


• Get myself into therapy.

Yeah... I need it. Depression... anxiety... the occasional suicidal thought. I know the places we need to start. I've kept a lot bottled up over the years. Almost 28 years at this point. As Peter Gabriel put it, time to go "diggin' in the dirt".


• Start work on the documentary.

Like the fictional stories that keep buzzing through my brain, I've got a few ideas for a little "film" project. For years I dreamt of pulling a Kevin Smith. I wanted to write/direct/produce an independent film. I'm not so sure that's what I should do. A couple of my ideas could probably fall under the therapy category... I think the more in depth I get with some of the topics, the more I'll learn about myself and some of the things that have been holding me back from doing so many of the things in life that I'd like to try. I'll keep you posted on this one.


• Find a new band.

The more I think about this one, the more I think it's mislabeled, maybe. It probably should be "Record More". I have plenty of friends who can play instruments/styles that I can't, so maybe I'll enlist a few of them as session musicians. I think I'm going to Trent Reznor this one (...weird... I think I can hear Ferretbite groaning at the mention of TR already...) I'm slowly building songs of a very personal nature (again, a sort of therapeutic outlet) and I think it's best if I stay firmly at the helm of this. I'm not sure how fond I am of playing real gigs anyway. I always fall apart. I think I'm meant to create it in a studio and be done with it from there.


• Find love.

I've been in two long term relationships in which the other person was very much in love with me, and I loved her back... and I threw them both away. Both are remarried now, and I'm just sort of adrift in a sea of lonely hearts. I have a sense that this issue won't resolve itself until I find myself deeply entrenched in the aforementioned therapy. Ahhh, issues.


• Be happy.

I was a very small child the last time I was truly happy. I hadn't even started school yet. I remember those days. I wonder what happened to them. I want them back before it's too late.


• Take an improv class.

I forgot to include this one on the original list. I have a good friend here in Portland who is a part of an improv group. (Portland Improv Group, or P.I.G. for short) I've been to a few of their shows and it just looks like fun. I remember taking a theater class in college as an elective and feeling like I could probably be halfway decent at acting. We did a few classes on improv and the brief attempt I made at it then was a blast. It might be a good outlet and a way to force myself out of the shell I seem to live in. I'm not outgoing enough. I need someone to force me out from behind the wall.

Again, this should fall under the "therapy" category...

I still think I can probably achieve at least 50% of the items on that list...