gala1

there was an ad in the paper the other day. it said this.

DOG BABY SITTING is wanting an animal lover, fun and energetic. Must be reliable and responsible, have a good sense of humour, good phone manner, great people skills, good health and most of all love animals, especially dogs. We are business that looks after dogs and some cats etc. We do walking, grooming, pampering, feeding, training, playing with the animals, and try to make it feel just like home. Parttime positions available.

so i sent them a letter because i thought the job sounded
pretty neat. oooHOOOO! mistake-o-rama! the woman in
charge called me yesterday & we arranged to have an interview
today. she said, "we operate out of our house" which i
thought was fairly unusual, but agreed to go along.

the street their house was on was surrounded by state houses
with rotting vehicle carcasses on the lawn, rusting into
oblivion. i saw their house, number 66[6] & opened the gate.
as i opened the gate, a semi-cross-eyed male with his cheeks
puffed out & full of food started ambling his way towards me.
he had a limp. he walked past me & checked the letterbox.
i delicately asked, "where's the front door?" & he said "unngghhh"
& showed me to it, kind of like Igor would. so i walk in.

the house stinks to the high heavens of cat piss. there are
cats, kittens & inevitably, litter-boxes, all over the place.
Igor leads me into the "living room" which is, quite frankly,
disgusting. 70s wallpaper & multi-coloured vomit-swirl carpet
seems to dictate their decor. there are cats climbing the
moth-eaten curtains. they have one of those big velvet
paintings of two tigers hung up above their fake fireplace.
they have a wrought-iron frame on a table with the picture
that came in it still in it!!! there is paper all over the floor.

wait, wait, i'm not even up to the best part..
the woman i am supposed to be having an interview with
is wearing HER PYJAMAS (they are silky & mis-matched --
the top half says "buffy the vampire slayer" all over them, &
the bottom half is thin crimson/white stripes) & i can see
way more of her cleavage than is really necessary for a "job interview".

did i mention, IT SMELLS REALLY FUCKING RANK?!

so we have this ridiculous pseudo-interview. she tells me
interesting unnecessary details about herself, like for example
she's pregnant to Igor (who looks about 18, & has geyser-esque
pimples all over his dopey face), & she throws up about 12 times
a day. she says they can only pay about $8.50 an hour
initially, which is essentially nothing.

the basic gist of the job is that i sit in their shitty house & look
after animals while they hang around. uhmmm. also, they are
about to be evicted, so would i mind coming out to Henderson to work?
[just by the way, Henderson is in the middle of fucking NOWHERE,
& it would take at least an hour to get there on the bus. i am
not willing to do this for eight dollars fucking fifty per hour.]
oh, well, also.. we're going to get some rooms built out there,
so you know, you could stay over if you wanted.. or you could
board! at this point i am thinking nothing could possibly be
worse, Igor is starting to look lecherous & oh my god.. i explain
that i actually have a boyfriend & a flatmate & a brand new
house we've just rented so i wouldn't be keen to do that.

she writes down her phone number & asks me to come to a training
day next week. i don't think i'll be attending. thanks, anyway.

something that really made this experience noteworthy was the
fact that after i left, i was about to get some food, & i thought, jesus
christ, i might catch something disgusting.. i better soak my hands
in some fucking bleach before putting them anywhere near my mouth.