gahz

Sorry I had to disappear on all of you again for a while. Need less to say the holidays were extremely tough.

I had an extreme bout with depression around Xmas. I just kept sitting there thinking about how if me and my ex were still together I would have been proposing to her. I fell asleep drunk and crying on Xmas eve hoping that I just wouldn't wake up the next day. On top of that my family was basically cold and clueless about how I was feeling and giving me the I don't know what to do with you look. Even more insulting is that for a gift my parents decided to run behind me and clean up a mess I couldn't handle instead of letting me take care of it and getting me something I actually wanted. I also had to work the night before so I could not go visit family out town for dinner which is usually the highlight of the holiday for me. Maybe it was better this way so that I didn't have to explain to my relatives about what would actually drive me to a looney bin so few months prior.

New years was definately interesting. I tried something I never thought I would have and I don't think I will ever again. When my good friends told me that coke was something not to be taken lightly they were serious. The party that I went to was fun but at the same time too all too depressing. I spent most of my time at the party with these two girls I work with that are very cute and very attached to their significant others. To make things worse they also have just about told me that if they were single I wouldn't be. Life is crushing in the worst ways.

New years day was a good day however. I finally got around to finishing the tattoo on my leg and when I can get a hold of my room mates digital I will have to share pics. It turned out very impressive and it has already gotten me several more victims, errr volunteers to go under the needle. I am still trying to figure out a good way to get an apprenticeship in town. Somehow I don't think that will happen. I just don't know how to find an artist that is willing to teach me without getting into the macho bravado of having someone they don't know wanting to learn to tattoo. I have only even found one shop around Oly with someone that was even willing to chit chat with me. Most others just immediately see me as a leech. Not sure what to do about it.

So in short I am still here floating in the sea of mass commmerce and hating evey minute of it.

Oh and now I have to start worrying about paying back my college loans I can't afford next month. Between the two loan payments that I am supposed to make I might as well be making a mortgage payment. We will see what happens when they find out just how much money I make when they come knockin.

Oooh also last side project. I am trying to convince my work to start donating the food we throw away at the end of the night to an organization that distributes it to homeless people. On my drive home from work I see so many people living on the streets driving through down town that I am sure during this time of year would just appreciate a hot meal. The main obstacle in my plan however is the health department. We shall see....

Until next time super kids!

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