gagriot

Yesterday was a really good day for me. I had the house to myself and I was sort of "in the zone." Then Ben and Adrian got home, they were loud and obnoxious, they smelled. I couldn't help but be grumpy. I wanted the chance to relax, be held and kissed and loved. I really wanted to talk to Ben, tell him how my day went but I couldn't. I started to feel better when I got in the bath and Ben joined me. He mentioned going downtown with Adrian to get an Awful Awful. I was kind of okay with it, figured they'd get home around one or even two, Ben might have even brought me one. I mean, I didn't like it and I was kind of angry and sad because I wanted to be with Ben, I wanted to talk to him and he wouldn't let me. So he tucked me into bed, gave me a nice kiss and left. I was really worried something might happen but I fell asleep. Then I woke up with a start around four in the morning, the guys were home and it took a-while for Ben to come into the room. He told me that the place had been closed and they forgot they had transfer tickets so they walked all the way home. I asked if he was going to sleep or stay up the rest of the night and he said he was going to stay up, so I got even more upset. He left and all I could think about was how unfair the whole thing was, how stupid he had been and how badly I wanted to cry. Ben came back into the room after fifteen minutes or so and I just laid there, ignoring him. I felt like shit and I still wanted to crawl under the covers with him but I just made myself go to sleep. I guess since I've woken up I've kind of realized how stupid it was for me to be upset. At the time it seemed like a good idea but now it doesn't. I guess I just really worry about Ben not sleeping, something happening to him while he's out and I'm not with him. I was jealous and bitter because I wanted him to want me.. how stupid is that? I feel like such a bitch. Anyway, I guess that's it. My fave show is on and I'm hungry. Oh well.