fyrestarter

well i know nobody wants to hear someone else complain...but i need a sounding board, so here ya go......

i decided to close my shop. i am going to be open on weekends for a little while, and eventually close down. it would take a small miracle for me to stay open at this point. i don't like to give up, i'm not a quitter.....but i have been struggling so long with this business, and i don't want to reach financial ruin because of it. this is difficult for me because this was one of my dreams. i wanted my own little frame shop, and i want to have my own gallery one day. i had high hopes that the frame shop would lead into my second dream of a gallery since they go hand in hand. i'm so upset. this has been so important to me for so long, it's hard to let go. how do i close without feeling like the bigest loser in the fucking world?? i'm drowning my sorrows as i type....

i wish this was a horrible dream and i can wake up any minute and the truth will be different.

and it's hard for me not to smack people when they just give me a shrug, and say, "oh well." i want to scream at them and ask if they have ever had a dream fail? it's not an "oh, well" feeling. it's a very devastating feeling.

so what the fuck do i do now? be a fucking secretary or waitress somewhere? i thought i was finally past having shit jobs that i hate to make ends meet.

god-dammit!!! i just needed someone to throw me a fucking bone. thats all. i don't want it all, i just want a share.

well, at least one up side to all this is when things are bad for me i produce alot of artwork. so...if anyone would like a painting of abstract naked people, just let me know. thats what always comes out. usually abstracted images of naked women. when i am happy they are dancing, when i am sad they are bound.

thanks for being my sounding board....