fuzzyky

Well.... I'm back down-home in Springfield. I'm in the home I grew up in my whole life.

And I'm more calm and at rest than I've felt in a great while.

I always feel peaceful when I'm home visiting... so, its not just that. Its much more..

While driving home today... I stopped in Bardstown Ky and visited the grave site of my best friend and his mother. I said " Hi Rita, and Bill".... and wished them Happy Holidays. I said the same prayer I always say.. and then I just sat there and kept them compamy for a few. Two souls that my life is worse, and more turbulant without..... I didnt feel them "bless me" or anything like that... But the dead have their own way of centering the living. And That I felt.

Then I drove on home.... and here I felt the fullness of my roots telling me something too.

As I drove into town; I noticed all the constructuion and the changes. New bypass being build out by St Catherines.... New Middle school added on to the High school. New gym and library being added on to the the grade school I went to....

I drove by the Fire Dept. I severed on and saw that all the "new" trucks we fought so hard to get..beg, ... steal, or borrow; are now sitting outside in the weather.... along with a couple of much better,bigger, newer ambulances that weren't even here when I left. They've got "better" shit inside. Good for them ! ! ! !

I didn't go in and see what was inside.... because I realized that I didnt know the code to get in the door... and even if I had...no one here would remember me. But ......oddly; I was very O.K. with that. I realized that what we'd fought so hard to get waaaaay back then.. was now an "extra" piece of equipment that the here and now could look at as a "reserve piece." And when its all said and done.... thats pleanty welcome news to me.

I went to the local bar and drank a beer while I scanned the crowd to see if I knew anybody. One guy I knew....And him just to say hello to... then as well as now.

I drove back to Bardstown to see who was at The Talbott Tavern.... A historic resturant and bar that my best friend Bill and his mama Rita (see above) and their family had owned; and some of the the family stiil does.

I Knew Nobody.

Although....The picture-portrate of Bill and a written homage to him, and his vision for the resturant did indeed still stand on the wall. so; I figured.. all is not yet lost.

Feeling horrible disconnected; and yet still knowing that I was home....I drove back towards Springfield. And I decided to even further deepen my adventure.... I drove past the farm where my father had been born and raised. A place that I wholelly hated in my childhood...(proably because my fathers mother was a woman who could suck the last particle of joy out of a funeral; is my strongest memory of the place)

Now; it represents a place where the children; and childrens children have taken over. A place where we enjoy the VERY last bastion of Land-to-run-free-and-careless upon.

I haven't been down there since my Uncle..My fathers brother..died several years back.....But TOMMOROW.. I will go down there. And I will hug my cousin and tell him that I'm sorry that I havent been in touch....But that thats just who I am.. and how I am.. and I'll remind him that I'm always there for them...

And I'll probably ride the 4 wheeler; or drive a tractor or two..... I'll help Mike feed the cows; really about the only active chore this time of year on a Kentucky farm.....and I'll hope and pray that my soul will lag there a great while after I'm gone.....remining the California Lanhams; that the Kentucky Lanhams still love and care for them

And so now I'm Home again.....

Back in the house I grew up in..... My adventures complete. I await the dawn, and the arrival of the next brother to get here. Him, and his Gigantic dogs...bull mastiffs..the one with new surgery on her ear. Surgery that he will be 100% knowledgeble of, and equally able to take care of.......... but my mom, the nurse and me, the EMS guy will totally take over... because .....thats who we are.....

Next will come more brothers, and their wives and kiddos; Friends in town for the holidays will drive around the town and stop in and say "Hi" if they see a car in the driveway that they figure might be yours......

We will be very much missing our beloved sister and her family this Christmas,,,,,, very much missing them. But they are staying "downhome" in their home, in Atlanta...... and rumor has it that Santa has a puppy that will do better being down-the-chimney in Atlanta; than he would if they all packed up, drove to Ky and awaited Santa here. So; we are NOT sad...... we only make the hole in our soul a place of kindness.

Now...having said all that....

I wish to any and all who read this.............

Love; & Saftey. HOPE....& good friends. I wish you Family(like mine; or better). I wish you friends..like the ones I've lost.. and miss so badly; along with the ones I still have.. and cherish. BUT MOST OF ALL.............

I wish you a life that makes you feel warm and itchy from your freakin tip-toes all the way up to the top of your damn head !!!!!

I wish you nothing less than JOY.

God bless & Godspeed to all...........

Merry Christmas.

F