so i guess im past sad. what is the step past sad, I dont even have any idea. heartbroken is a little old and contrived, so i guess i dont know. is it ok to not know?
when i look at him i see 2 people. lol and in all actuality i wish i saw more, becuase the 2 people i see are the people that hurt me for 5 years. there have been so many lies and so many hateful situations ...i dont know how to respond to certain situations the way i should, ya know? and im scared to be friends with you because the last person i was friends with i got really close to and then bad things.......i need someone who can understand this lame situation where it seems up is down and left is right, but nobody really knows, and i dont know how to verbalize it right. maybe if i get stoned i can...i need to be able to take that angie mask off and be this angie now. i might need your help.
when i look at him i see 2 people. lol and in all actuality i wish i saw more, becuase the 2 people i see are the people that hurt me for 5 years. there have been so many lies and so many hateful situations ...i dont know how to respond to certain situations the way i should, ya know? and im scared to be friends with you because the last person i was friends with i got really close to and then bad things.......i need someone who can understand this lame situation where it seems up is down and left is right, but nobody really knows, and i dont know how to verbalize it right. maybe if i get stoned i can...i need to be able to take that angie mask off and be this angie now. i might need your help.
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I hope this finds you well and good.
Okay, "if you must have a role modle, let it be water." Water contains every paradox, just like anyone who is honest with themselves. It is soft but can be hard, passive yet can rage, gentle yet can errode away mountains. Water is unstopable - eventually, water flows over, around, under, through. It changes it shape to meet its enviornment - that's very important.
Anyway I hope that helps. Sorry about what you are going through - nothing invites the blues like love. It gets better - then something wonderful happens - then it hurts again. Best you can do is try to enjoy the ride. Perception is the bottom line - how you see things is how they are.
Be well, take it light.
- ph
~cheers