so i have come to this pathetic comclusion that what i have given my life, friends, money and sooo much time blah blah blah...to is nothing more than a farce, or something along those lines. maybe the subculture i thought i was a part of, this huge movement of a tribe banding together to change the world maybe a bit idealistic but still with 100% good hearts and intentions, maybe that never really was there, maybe those people i thought were leading us towards this movement, that projected this kind of magical "aura" were never who they said they were, never who they played the part of, ya know? this is a fucking slap in the face again and again, where did you all go, what happened? its like the fucking dinosaurs and extinction, what happend to my headdie friends? when did my headdie friends turn into pathetic shells of themselves, contridicting every SINGLE thing they once stood for, being cold hearted, relying on everything that is not good for the earth to now propel you further into a world of disillusionment and just the wrong path that never should have been tread upon. what happened? seriously, can someone try to explain this? why when i go on the boards that contain these "fans " and i use this word LIGHTLY, do i hear them belittling and ripping to shreds every fuckign credential of the uber talented band and members they have given up so much time and money for? why do they devote so much of their time to hate? to making a mochary of everything including themselves? why do girls offer up their "servies" and their "hot bodies" to now get tickets, and why when i say something that is REAL and has much to say that needs to be said i get ripped a new asshole by someone that just wants a hot fucking chick that doesnt care about the music and goes back to their hotel to fuck, what the fuck is going on? i went to these places beause i fit in there/here i went to see poeple i knew and people i knew but never met, ya know? i never thought the people i was trying to avoid and trying to stay away from, the negative hurtful <physically and mentally> people would show up and DOMINATE/TAKE OVER COMPLETELY my scene and everything i loved. they took my love for something and killed it, and for that i hope they burn in hell. for the constant negativity they throw into the scene, the selfishness, the pathetically vain people, i feel sorry for you, you dont know what it is about at all, you shouldnt be here, and one day you wont
im so sick of everybody and their bullshit, who doesnt fuckign bullshit? WHO and where are you, because this is getting pathetic. i cant even deal. i just cant fucking deal.
im so sick of everybody and their bullshit, who doesnt fuckign bullshit? WHO and where are you, because this is getting pathetic. i cant even deal. i just cant fucking deal.
Speaking of negativity. I'm sorry that you feel so much of it that you let it come out of yourself. I know so little about the Dead scene - but let me say this. I had my own scene for a long time - and then ripped myself/was ripped away from it. You will find more places in your life than you could possibly imagine that are incredible and good for you if you get away from the idea that there is ONE place for you. From what I gather - you, of all people, are open-minded. I understand that a lot of what is above is how you feel, and also that you were probably REALLY pissed when you wrote it. But, when you cool down...be sure to be grateful for what you have lived in and the people you know. Things change. It's not easy to live with ideals and morals that are "radical" and entirely different from what the majority of people in this country hold onto as their meaning of life.
Smoke a bowl, chill out, smile. Turn on some crazy live cut with Jerry from back in the day, close your eyes and relax. That's the best advice I have.
(sorry - I am slightly drunk/tired/crazy and in a rambling state - if you didn't notice)
well make our own scene