The second letter I wrote to The Mercury, which was published on July 3rd of 2003:
HEY, PORTLAND MERCURY:
I love you.
I'm not hip, I'm not fashionable, I have a tin ear, and I can't taste the difference between the food at C.H.I.E.R.S. or BlueHour. But! I read your paper every week and--voila! I get dates! In spite of all those things! Cause I know all the awesome things going on that each girl just has to see. DimSum Night at Pix Patisserie? Well, I can't pronounce or spell it, but I know a girl who can. A Lit fashion show? I know an artsy chick! The Haggard is playing at Meow Meow? Time to call that scary chick! And after all these many months of exemplary service, I thought I'd drop y'all a hard-earned thank you note. The Portland Mercury: helping the clueless get chicks. And it really, really works.
HEY, PORTLAND MERCURY:
I love you.
I'm not hip, I'm not fashionable, I have a tin ear, and I can't taste the difference between the food at C.H.I.E.R.S. or BlueHour. But! I read your paper every week and--voila! I get dates! In spite of all those things! Cause I know all the awesome things going on that each girl just has to see. DimSum Night at Pix Patisserie? Well, I can't pronounce or spell it, but I know a girl who can. A Lit fashion show? I know an artsy chick! The Haggard is playing at Meow Meow? Time to call that scary chick! And after all these many months of exemplary service, I thought I'd drop y'all a hard-earned thank you note. The Portland Mercury: helping the clueless get chicks. And it really, really works.