Saturday Oct 15, 2011

0
You're going to need to go on down to City Hall and pick up a friend-zoning permit for that Beta Male you have following you around.

Wednesday Aug 31, 2011

0
Back that ass up gurl, yeah... Ok now cut the wheel to the right, then left while continuing to back that ass up. Now stop. Congrats, you just parallel parked an ass!

Monday Aug 15, 2011

0
The Jerk Store called. It's autonomy, it's sentience, were at once human and terrifying. Brick and mortar given voice. It cried over the line to me until I hung up.

Thursday Jun 23, 2011

0
I have finally completed my machine that will transport my consciousness into The Sims universe. *flips switch* It's amazing in her--oh god, OH GOD! THERE'S PISS EVERYWHERE

Thursday Jun 16, 2011

0
My dog-piloted tour boat business failed. Didn't anticipate that dogs would crash boats into each other whenever they saw another dog boat.

Saturday Jun 11, 2011

0

Wednesday May 25, 2011

0
Thomas the Tank Engine teaches kids a great lesson in fatalism. We cannot set our own course. We cannot go backwards. We are trains.

Sunday May 22, 2011

0
The Jerk Store called, their entire business model is unsustainable and the owner was crying. :'(

Tuesday May 17, 2011

0
Dog parkour is real. Watching dog parkour vids set to throbbing techno all day.

Wednesday May 11, 2011

0
Ladies call me Trampoline because I'm real exciting when you first use me but one day you realize I'm just sitting out in the lawn covered with twigs and snails.

Tuesday May 10, 2011

0
Augusto Pinochet is a ruthless dictator, but can he see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch??