I biked to and from work. About 5-6 miles in all, 20 minutes each way give or take. Not bad.
On my ride I got to thinking. What I realized was the biggest failure on my part of the relationship was my mindset.
When you first start dating or seeing someone that you have an interest in you want to impress them. You go out of your way a little more than you might other times. You (guys) might hold a door open for their lady friend or pull a chair out. Maybe pay for dinner. Things that you hope will show you like them. Signs that they will interpret as good things. And they are probably doing the same.
This is where flirting comes in as well. You joke back and forth, you get along sooo bloody well because everything you see in them during this time is good. You're winning, everyone is winning, it's a fucking damn good time to be alive.
Then you're a couple. Meh, you get in a few fights but whatever, they are still beautiful and you think so, you really do, and you tell them so. Maybe not as much as when you first met but it's still there.
Times passes and these things fade more.
(Keep in mind this isn't always the case. As with all things there in no set in stone way about it.)
Well where I messed up wasn't in the wooing part. I must have done that bit right. She said "yes" when I asked if she would be my girl. I messed up later. Why? I had a fisherman mentality, not a gamers.
This is was I came up with on my ride home. There are two ways of thinking (with variations of course.) The Fisherman and the Gamer.
Sure I could use old fashioned terms that were more eloquent. But I'm not going to. These are modern times and we are modern people. If any of my peers knows not what a fisherman or gamer is then they dont know much at all.
What's a fisherman do? He fishes. He goes out and catches fish. The sport fisherman does this for fun. The fun is in the catch. When that line is tight and he knows something big and great is on the other end in when this guy is in his element. But as soon as he gets his catch in his boat the fun is over. "Yes! I got it! Time for the next one!" Once that fish is in his boat why the hell should he care what that fish is doing. It can flip and flop till the cows come home and he wont give a damn. He has it, it is his. He can do anything he wants with it anytime he wants.
I think too many men treat their girlfriends as a sport fish. The fun they had was in the catch. Once they have her though, really have her, and know she won't leave. The fun is over. There is no need to be nice now. She isn't leaving. Hell, we could hurt her all we want. She needs us. We won, she's in the 'boat.' It's boring now, who gives a fuck... whatever. That's how I fucked up.
So how is the gamer different? Why do we men want to be gamers with our ladies? Think about it.
Have you ever played an MMORPG? Have you ever played anything with a high score? Chances are yes, yes you have.
What is it we try to do in a game like Everquest or WoW or Tetris. Once you get out of the town in WoW are you content to just go, yes! I did it, I made my guy. I'm set. Fuck no! It's off to kill some bandits, then reach lvl.5. Then we'll kill some wizards, and oh no! I need a new sword! Damn, this sword is awesome, but... I want better!!!
I just beat Tetris in easy and have the hish score. Sweet, time for bed and I think I'll just put my Gameboy in the sock drawer. What?!?! Hell no you wouldn't. It's on to normal, then hard, oh damn it, I have to poo now. Take a break? Wtf? Screw that! I'm bringing this Gameboy with me and not getting off that pot till I beat level 6 on hard! Then I'm going for extreme!
You see the difference? Ok sure you might be thinking, 'I hate video games.' Or 'I never played those games.' But you see what I mean. You get it right?
What if we acted like gamers with our partners? What if we never could do enough for them? What if pulling out that chair was fine for starters. But now we pulled out thier chair and kissed their cheek and said how much we loved her in her ear. What if we acted this way? Wouldn't that be much better?
Why don't we? Why didn't I...
On my ride I got to thinking. What I realized was the biggest failure on my part of the relationship was my mindset.
When you first start dating or seeing someone that you have an interest in you want to impress them. You go out of your way a little more than you might other times. You (guys) might hold a door open for their lady friend or pull a chair out. Maybe pay for dinner. Things that you hope will show you like them. Signs that they will interpret as good things. And they are probably doing the same.
This is where flirting comes in as well. You joke back and forth, you get along sooo bloody well because everything you see in them during this time is good. You're winning, everyone is winning, it's a fucking damn good time to be alive.
Then you're a couple. Meh, you get in a few fights but whatever, they are still beautiful and you think so, you really do, and you tell them so. Maybe not as much as when you first met but it's still there.
Times passes and these things fade more.
(Keep in mind this isn't always the case. As with all things there in no set in stone way about it.)
Well where I messed up wasn't in the wooing part. I must have done that bit right. She said "yes" when I asked if she would be my girl. I messed up later. Why? I had a fisherman mentality, not a gamers.
This is was I came up with on my ride home. There are two ways of thinking (with variations of course.) The Fisherman and the Gamer.
Sure I could use old fashioned terms that were more eloquent. But I'm not going to. These are modern times and we are modern people. If any of my peers knows not what a fisherman or gamer is then they dont know much at all.
What's a fisherman do? He fishes. He goes out and catches fish. The sport fisherman does this for fun. The fun is in the catch. When that line is tight and he knows something big and great is on the other end in when this guy is in his element. But as soon as he gets his catch in his boat the fun is over. "Yes! I got it! Time for the next one!" Once that fish is in his boat why the hell should he care what that fish is doing. It can flip and flop till the cows come home and he wont give a damn. He has it, it is his. He can do anything he wants with it anytime he wants.
I think too many men treat their girlfriends as a sport fish. The fun they had was in the catch. Once they have her though, really have her, and know she won't leave. The fun is over. There is no need to be nice now. She isn't leaving. Hell, we could hurt her all we want. She needs us. We won, she's in the 'boat.' It's boring now, who gives a fuck... whatever. That's how I fucked up.
So how is the gamer different? Why do we men want to be gamers with our ladies? Think about it.
Have you ever played an MMORPG? Have you ever played anything with a high score? Chances are yes, yes you have.
What is it we try to do in a game like Everquest or WoW or Tetris. Once you get out of the town in WoW are you content to just go, yes! I did it, I made my guy. I'm set. Fuck no! It's off to kill some bandits, then reach lvl.5. Then we'll kill some wizards, and oh no! I need a new sword! Damn, this sword is awesome, but... I want better!!!
I just beat Tetris in easy and have the hish score. Sweet, time for bed and I think I'll just put my Gameboy in the sock drawer. What?!?! Hell no you wouldn't. It's on to normal, then hard, oh damn it, I have to poo now. Take a break? Wtf? Screw that! I'm bringing this Gameboy with me and not getting off that pot till I beat level 6 on hard! Then I'm going for extreme!
You see the difference? Ok sure you might be thinking, 'I hate video games.' Or 'I never played those games.' But you see what I mean. You get it right?
What if we acted like gamers with our partners? What if we never could do enough for them? What if pulling out that chair was fine for starters. But now we pulled out thier chair and kissed their cheek and said how much we loved her in her ear. What if we acted this way? Wouldn't that be much better?
Why don't we? Why didn't I...
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
As far as the lightening bolts go, LeMorta is a big fan of Marilyn Manson, so when she approached me with the idea to shoot for the set , she said she wanted to pay tribute to Marilyn by appearing as one of the member's of Manson's Military.
A few notes on the lighting-
I surrounded her with those metallic space blankets by hanging a bunch of them on either side of her and even behind the camera and had my lights in between the space blankets. I wanted to flood the area with light so that I could use a high number F-stop, AND a fast shutter speed because LeMorta is a great model and "Self-Poser" so she goes from one great pose to another, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with her.
Last but not least - I read your journal entry, and I can relate but if you will ltake some advice from a guy who's been married to his first and only wife for soon to be 24 years, think about this... Are you surrounding yourself with the people you want to be with in 10. 15, 20 years?
If not, you may want to re-think who you are choosing with friends.
Afterall, isn't the kind of woman and friend, that you want to keep forever, worth your respect, kindness, generousity and undying devotion?
When you leave this earth, what do you want to look back at and say that you have changed for the better?
Just my 2 cents worth.
Best wishes!
Good luck with everything, hang in there it will be ok.