free2b

Okay, been having issues getting on this site. I am sitting in my car stealing wifi and it's hot and the sun is roasting me and there is no comfortable position for this damn big laptop. ARGH. I have nothing to say that will impress any of you. I work at a gas station now and it's actually fun, but only part time. i have no desire lately to do anything worth while. thinking about babies just doesn't help either. yeah, my kids would be so impressed with their mom being a complete looser. I can't even take care of my dumb self so what's the point in any of it???? I just am on a not so good point. everything I do is useless and I don't even care if it gets better. I have, on accident gone off my meds because I didn't order them in time. But I'm better than I thought It would be. I don't know if I'll even go back on them. I sure can breathe now that they are out of my system, and I don't even think that my rant above has anything to do with it. I felt like that while on them. i don't know what I want from life, really, and that just blows. and i don't even believe that i'll ever find it. I'm 32 for fuck's sake and I'm just as lost as I was at 16, and just as incapable of much of anything. I would like to think that I mean something, that I am someone, and that I don't even have to be special, just being here would be enough, being ordinary should be enough. I feel that flight feeling coming on, that I just want to run away to distant places that I have never been to just to see them. I'm in debt that I'll never be able to pay off and that prevents me from going to those strange places. and no one can pick me up or tell me what to do with my life. i don't want to groww up and i don't want to get any younger. i want, i don't want i need i don't need. I have no idea how to exist anymore. blah blah blah. Even if I were to try I feel like i will fail, so i don't try. It's just my disposition and I've always been this way. I don't think it will ever change and who cares anyways? I want some pussy bad. It's been a long time.