freakqueen

i did a photoshoot with syx. 7 hours... the pictures aren't up yet, but i'm in no rush.

everything from this point on is going to be copy and pasted, because my lil broken heart wants to stew some more on how fucked up i am.

2005/03/24 01:21
fuck.
shit.

i havent slept for 40-something hours now. And i'm waiting on several phone calls. Because i need to know if someone can take my shift tomorrow.

Or, i can keep my phone off the hook. Sleep for 6 hours. Go to UBC and get all the shit i need to get sorted out before going to work.

I don't think i'm capable of making logical decisions right now. But i think i'm ready to get emotionally attached to somebody again. Maybe. I'll deny this as soon as i feel well-rested. But in this moment, at this time, i need someone to take care of me and I need somebody i can trust to take care of me.

There. I said it.




I recently got off the phone with M. And if we could leave for saltspring today, we would. And neither of us had comforting words for each other.

I'm going to attack life with a "fuck it" mentality right now. Because I don't want to give up; I want to kick some ass. I have more than one job, more than one friend.

Im not going to try. I'm not going to put any real effort in. I don't have enough hope to squander it like that.

But i'm willing to put everything else on the line. Sin valor.





2005/03/23 22:17
Today was so horribly messy... I've tried to write about it 5 times now. And have failed, obviously.
syx got me drunk by 1 p.m. When kumquat was trying to converse with me sometime mid-afternoon, i was smashed. But we're leaving for salt spring the week after my birthday.

James did a wonderful make up job on me. We shot for 7 hours. Beautiful pictures. Many pictures.

i peed in the bathtub and drooled all over the leather.

i went to lush and was recognized. As the "Snow Angel" due the picture of me standing on the table in the snow. It was posted in the NA lush forums and Ianastar dubbed me the "snow angel." Because i look like ballerina or something along those lines... Shakah, do you remember that post? Anyway, one of the new S.A.s recognized me and called the other S.A. over and was like, "This girl is a legend on the lush website"

I have never felt like such a worshipped dork in all my life.

Well...maybe once or twice.





2005/03/23 10:21
I'm listening to No Doubt and thinking of kaitee
current song being played is Don't Let Me Down.
I'm leaving to get my pictures taken by syx
Thank God i won't be wearing clothes. Because I don't know what to wear.