freakpirate

Things I Learned While Playing a Corpse

Tonight I played a corpse for a government funded public safety campaign. I had to sit in front of a mall in a lawn chair for three hours while people from a local radio station handed out flyers and free mints. Here are some things I learned.

• The hardest part of being dead is not breathing. Closely followed by not blinking. The blinking is actually not bad if you let your eyes lose focus.


• Teenagers can be obnoxious as fuck.


• Even if people reasonably believe that you are, in fact, actually alive they will still avoid getting near you. Just in case.


• Sort of figured out who that Justin Beiber kid is. That kid sucks so god damn bad.


• I am a great dead person.

Things I Heard Used as Metaphors For Sex on the Bad Radio Station

• Crack addiction


• Fast food drive thru menu


• Baseball

Still, in many ways better than delivering pizzas.