I am to the point where I do not know what to do with myself. I enjoy talking, I enjoy conversing, but every time I speak I end up putting my foot in mouth. all my life I have had a hard time with just plain shutting up. It got me in trouble in school ( expelled, in fact) and it got me in trouble in the Army. ( no one likes a Private that speaks his mind). SO...I will post an old note that I wrote from my Facebook
( BobbyWilliams42):
WORDS OF DESTRUCTION ( Apology)
I am sorry. Every time I speak, every time I utter a thought into existence, all is destroyed. I push myself to anger by eliciting response from other people. I expect results from my own ideas. I expect too much from other people.
I will try my hardest not to speak at all, for it is through my speech that I lose everything.
By speaking roughly, sharply, and in aggressive tone, nothing is accomplished or corrected.
By speaking softly, smoothly, and in a calm tone, nothing is heard or heeded.
Every thought manifested becomes the damning evidence of control.
I am not in control. I am not in control of the world around me. I shall adapt or die.
My home and my mind are the only safe place for me to be, so I do not hurt others or myself. When I enter the world of communication, and solicit conversation, I risk the very ground under my feet.
The more I speak the more I destroy. The more I say the more I kill. There is nothing that I can do to escape this except to learn the discipline of Silence.
I am a dog. When I am hungry I must eat or I will kill. When I am thirsty, I must drink or I will hurt things to get to water. When I am exhausted, I must sleep or I will silence everything around me to enter my slumber. Let this sleeping dog lie.
My hands are weapons. They touch, they feel, they hold, they break and destroy. Though, it is the voice that beckons them, which I have provoked. I am at fault for the things my hands abuse.
I am tempted and I create temptation.
I am jealous and I create jealousy.
I am lustful and I create lust.
My ego creates fantasy and justification.
I desire to protect that which I love or hold dear, but I am compromised by anxiety, depression, and fear.
The idea of control, creates a trauma that perpetuates itself.
And love of brother, love of sister, love of the lover, and love of the parent breeds only more love; true love has nothing to do with neither control nor speech.
Intelligence and survival are the natural instincts that supersede love, hence the conflict of civilization and spirituality. Spirituality does not appear as love. Spirituality is intelligence based upon the threat of death. Christ came not to bring peace, but a sword. The double-edged sword that is the tongue. He came to make mothers and fathers our enemies. To make our family, our enemies. And this was all to divide the house that cannot see the difference nor the similarity between intelligence and love.
In all, SILENCE becomes the only means through which one might ever reach peace on this planet. It is the only way to reach an agreement and it starts with a simple act of not acting. Not pessimism, not sloth, but merely self control of the facial muscles, the voice box, and the hands.
Some of us have so much to say that it is not worth saying. Some of us have such powerful words and thoughts, but it cannot be ruled out that another has not said it once before.
We criticize, we ridicule, we mock, we scoff, and we scream. Every syllable influences someone. I am sorry for telling the truth and I do not regret lying.
-Bobby
( BobbyWilliams42):
WORDS OF DESTRUCTION ( Apology)
I am sorry. Every time I speak, every time I utter a thought into existence, all is destroyed. I push myself to anger by eliciting response from other people. I expect results from my own ideas. I expect too much from other people.
I will try my hardest not to speak at all, for it is through my speech that I lose everything.
By speaking roughly, sharply, and in aggressive tone, nothing is accomplished or corrected.
By speaking softly, smoothly, and in a calm tone, nothing is heard or heeded.
Every thought manifested becomes the damning evidence of control.
I am not in control. I am not in control of the world around me. I shall adapt or die.
My home and my mind are the only safe place for me to be, so I do not hurt others or myself. When I enter the world of communication, and solicit conversation, I risk the very ground under my feet.
The more I speak the more I destroy. The more I say the more I kill. There is nothing that I can do to escape this except to learn the discipline of Silence.
I am a dog. When I am hungry I must eat or I will kill. When I am thirsty, I must drink or I will hurt things to get to water. When I am exhausted, I must sleep or I will silence everything around me to enter my slumber. Let this sleeping dog lie.
My hands are weapons. They touch, they feel, they hold, they break and destroy. Though, it is the voice that beckons them, which I have provoked. I am at fault for the things my hands abuse.
I am tempted and I create temptation.
I am jealous and I create jealousy.
I am lustful and I create lust.
My ego creates fantasy and justification.
I desire to protect that which I love or hold dear, but I am compromised by anxiety, depression, and fear.
The idea of control, creates a trauma that perpetuates itself.
And love of brother, love of sister, love of the lover, and love of the parent breeds only more love; true love has nothing to do with neither control nor speech.
Intelligence and survival are the natural instincts that supersede love, hence the conflict of civilization and spirituality. Spirituality does not appear as love. Spirituality is intelligence based upon the threat of death. Christ came not to bring peace, but a sword. The double-edged sword that is the tongue. He came to make mothers and fathers our enemies. To make our family, our enemies. And this was all to divide the house that cannot see the difference nor the similarity between intelligence and love.
In all, SILENCE becomes the only means through which one might ever reach peace on this planet. It is the only way to reach an agreement and it starts with a simple act of not acting. Not pessimism, not sloth, but merely self control of the facial muscles, the voice box, and the hands.
Some of us have so much to say that it is not worth saying. Some of us have such powerful words and thoughts, but it cannot be ruled out that another has not said it once before.
We criticize, we ridicule, we mock, we scoff, and we scream. Every syllable influences someone. I am sorry for telling the truth and I do not regret lying.
-Bobby