Time to expand on stuff i guess. Well simply ive felt like ive going trough a phase of crap luck. It started with daft stuff, Fish dying, the Nintendo ds stopped working, fav fish died, Lap top crashed, few dodgy shifts at work, friends bein idiots. I try to unwind by watchin btcc, but my favourite driver gets smashed out the race and hospitalised. Then i got set upon by a gang of chav's. In the park facing my house.
Long story short- One followed me and daydreamer.After my phone, didnt get it so his mates joined him and i got a punch in there head for there troubles. I wanted to fight back but A) i held back B) as im fighting against myself i felt worried for daydreamer C)as i decided to fight back they ran up the road. A,B,C all happend in space of 5 seconds. I feel usless and stupid. I got beat up badly when i was 17, Got bullied all through school but that kicking was the worst fracture dcollar bone bruises n stuff. And its lodged into my subcoscieous. I feel angwer fear annoyed, angry confused because i dont know them or what there problem is. Went cop shop to report it being 20 seconds walk from my house. Giving a statement sucks. I forgot how bad they are. I felt an idiot and like i was lying. All the questions "which hand did he punch you with?" im not sure he hit me in the head im a little woozy. My favourite one after i said one had a jacket in there arm was "which hand was he carrying his jacket in? what? i had to think about it and i felt like i was lying or something. And i had a crappy head ache for a week.
It gets worse because we had to have the police out again. They followed us home last week. Now they know where we live. now im worried about Daydreamer and the house. And by the time the police arrive there gone.
Also is me.when i got hit then i was prepred to fight back after a small hesitation. Before id curl up in a ball and take a kicking. But i saw red. And daydreamer pulled me to snap out of it but the anger was there. Everytime ive been walked all over ive never properly let it out. i let it harbour inside me. One day i know there gonna be around my house or the park close by and ill snap. They'll attack and i know ill just go for one and just punch and punch. I feel it build up inside me. im not a violent person but i know i cant put up with much more of this crap. Im not going to be a victim in my own home. whats so fucking stupid is everytim ive ever been beaten up its been in broad daylight, close to my house or both. im more safe walkin home from work at 12am ffs. I just dont want this shit and i dont want it to take over my life. But its like when i was 17 agian. anf that was 5 fucking years ago.
Ive found myself getting nervous walking past gangs when on my own. And (new to me) a few times my eyes are starting to play tricks on me. As i walk past some of them i think there about to throw a punch. Its so fucking stupid i flinch or get ready to try and stop a hit. Not like a full on block but i momentrly shake or jump. My head calms me down and i tell myself to not be nervous and get a grip but its those few second are playing hell with me.
So my mate takes me to chester as theres 2 f1 shops there that sell ferrari merchandise, that'll cheer me up. well no they both closed down in the past 2 months between my mate seeing them and getting chance for us to go up.
On top of that my new laptop went in for repair. It crashed and wouldnt work at all. wewll we gwet it back a month later minus a hard drive! Which they now say me or daydreamer took out! I promise you on my pathetic life i didn't i just want a working god damn lap top. Worst thing is it means the work i had on there for Azines has gone too. there was loads of stuff id written on it. So now weve gone to head office with them (it was from comet) saying why the hell would we take the hard drive out? We got accident insurance for it and were not going to take a hard drive out trying to get it replaced when we know they wouldn'y. Funny thing is we have it back minus the hard drive and the original problem we sent it with is gone. it boots up now and goes past the acer screen which it never did before to say "no operating drive present" So whoever took it out is stupid to fix it in the first place. so were waitng on head office to do an investigation.great.
But i fight on.
Im back on the desktop pc. Im writing more stuff for azines.com and burying myself in tha which i enjoy. im not sure how sucessful it is but hell im trying my bestt. this weekend im going to doningtonpark for world series by renauly (motorsport) Marilyn Manson is in the uk so is within temptation again, im gonna go. Im gonna enjoy it im gonna fight off these clouds and im not being beaten by luck chav's my own fears or this world. Ivew been afraid too long. fuck them fuck that. Cant beat me because im better than all that.
ill catch up with you all through this week promise!
Down but Never out...
Long story short- One followed me and daydreamer.After my phone, didnt get it so his mates joined him and i got a punch in there head for there troubles. I wanted to fight back but A) i held back B) as im fighting against myself i felt worried for daydreamer C)as i decided to fight back they ran up the road. A,B,C all happend in space of 5 seconds. I feel usless and stupid. I got beat up badly when i was 17, Got bullied all through school but that kicking was the worst fracture dcollar bone bruises n stuff. And its lodged into my subcoscieous. I feel angwer fear annoyed, angry confused because i dont know them or what there problem is. Went cop shop to report it being 20 seconds walk from my house. Giving a statement sucks. I forgot how bad they are. I felt an idiot and like i was lying. All the questions "which hand did he punch you with?" im not sure he hit me in the head im a little woozy. My favourite one after i said one had a jacket in there arm was "which hand was he carrying his jacket in? what? i had to think about it and i felt like i was lying or something. And i had a crappy head ache for a week.
It gets worse because we had to have the police out again. They followed us home last week. Now they know where we live. now im worried about Daydreamer and the house. And by the time the police arrive there gone.
Also is me.when i got hit then i was prepred to fight back after a small hesitation. Before id curl up in a ball and take a kicking. But i saw red. And daydreamer pulled me to snap out of it but the anger was there. Everytime ive been walked all over ive never properly let it out. i let it harbour inside me. One day i know there gonna be around my house or the park close by and ill snap. They'll attack and i know ill just go for one and just punch and punch. I feel it build up inside me. im not a violent person but i know i cant put up with much more of this crap. Im not going to be a victim in my own home. whats so fucking stupid is everytim ive ever been beaten up its been in broad daylight, close to my house or both. im more safe walkin home from work at 12am ffs. I just dont want this shit and i dont want it to take over my life. But its like when i was 17 agian. anf that was 5 fucking years ago.
Ive found myself getting nervous walking past gangs when on my own. And (new to me) a few times my eyes are starting to play tricks on me. As i walk past some of them i think there about to throw a punch. Its so fucking stupid i flinch or get ready to try and stop a hit. Not like a full on block but i momentrly shake or jump. My head calms me down and i tell myself to not be nervous and get a grip but its those few second are playing hell with me.
So my mate takes me to chester as theres 2 f1 shops there that sell ferrari merchandise, that'll cheer me up. well no they both closed down in the past 2 months between my mate seeing them and getting chance for us to go up.
On top of that my new laptop went in for repair. It crashed and wouldnt work at all. wewll we gwet it back a month later minus a hard drive! Which they now say me or daydreamer took out! I promise you on my pathetic life i didn't i just want a working god damn lap top. Worst thing is it means the work i had on there for Azines has gone too. there was loads of stuff id written on it. So now weve gone to head office with them (it was from comet) saying why the hell would we take the hard drive out? We got accident insurance for it and were not going to take a hard drive out trying to get it replaced when we know they wouldn'y. Funny thing is we have it back minus the hard drive and the original problem we sent it with is gone. it boots up now and goes past the acer screen which it never did before to say "no operating drive present" So whoever took it out is stupid to fix it in the first place. so were waitng on head office to do an investigation.great.
But i fight on.
Im back on the desktop pc. Im writing more stuff for azines.com and burying myself in tha which i enjoy. im not sure how sucessful it is but hell im trying my bestt. this weekend im going to doningtonpark for world series by renauly (motorsport) Marilyn Manson is in the uk so is within temptation again, im gonna go. Im gonna enjoy it im gonna fight off these clouds and im not being beaten by luck chav's my own fears or this world. Ivew been afraid too long. fuck them fuck that. Cant beat me because im better than all that.
ill catch up with you all through this week promise!
Down but Never out...
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
Great race, though! Bernie must be thrilled with all the publicity the off-track stuff has draw attention to the series. And to have the championship go down to the last race is a bonus!
Big black eye for F1 this year, in my opinion.
But I wouldn't miss a second of it,
but....i love the fact that there's 3 with a chance in the finale.
between the cyborg, the new prince and the asshole, there could be some kind of craziness.
easy to see alonso doing something off the charts stupid.
we'll see.