Last night I translated it into sex.
This morning I realize I'm just lonely. I've been living of a dream with J for 2 years. For 2 years there was virtually no relationship worth mentioning. Just the "stand by your man" thing in my head and a feeling of deep commitment, hope and love. Now that's gone I feel empty. And so SO scared to be hurt. So scared to start something new even though not starting up something new and daring to open up means choosing to be alone. I've been in a continuous line of relationships since I was 18, now I'm 31. I need to be able to give love, it feeds my self worth.
I can be physically alone. These last 2 years have proven that. Actually I have been pretty much mentally alone too. Except for above mentioned hope and commitment. Now it just all feels lost and alone. And I must say, the hours of time spent on the internet every day isn't helping. I am going to need to take a break from here. From SG soon. Get into real life again. Meet people. Or just stay home without this distraction. Get to know me again. Fran. Not this Franpire. Now read properly people, I won't be archiving myself, just taking a short break Or maybe just blogging less for a while. Sometime in the not to distant future. I think.
This morning I realize I'm just lonely. I've been living of a dream with J for 2 years. For 2 years there was virtually no relationship worth mentioning. Just the "stand by your man" thing in my head and a feeling of deep commitment, hope and love. Now that's gone I feel empty. And so SO scared to be hurt. So scared to start something new even though not starting up something new and daring to open up means choosing to be alone. I've been in a continuous line of relationships since I was 18, now I'm 31. I need to be able to give love, it feeds my self worth.
I can be physically alone. These last 2 years have proven that. Actually I have been pretty much mentally alone too. Except for above mentioned hope and commitment. Now it just all feels lost and alone. And I must say, the hours of time spent on the internet every day isn't helping. I am going to need to take a break from here. From SG soon. Get into real life again. Meet people. Or just stay home without this distraction. Get to know me again. Fran. Not this Franpire. Now read properly people, I won't be archiving myself, just taking a short break Or maybe just blogging less for a while. Sometime in the not to distant future. I think.
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Don't let the sound of your wheels drive you crazy.