franksgirl

i'm so afraid i'm going to turn into my mother. i am. i'm just like her. i can't stand it. i thought if worked really hard to drive her out like a demon i could become something else. something better. but i find myself talking to my husband like my mother would talk to hers (any of the 3) and i crusify him with my judgement. i sound just like her. the worst part i realy don't agree with any of it. it falls out of my face and i imediately dissagree with it. i don't feel that way, she does. and i feel the exact opposite of that way because of how she feels!! she's like radiation. i need to get far away from her because she's making me sick. not just with what she is. but what i do to try not to be like that, AND because i can't stop thinking about her.

but i love her.

i've hacked away so hard at my relationship i don't recognize it anymore. i keep trying fix things before they break. now i've mutalated it. i don't know how to just leave it alone. i'm a scab picker. i pick scabs. scabs. scabby.

i love my husband. i have to get away from my mother so i can be closer to my husband.

and i need therapy. and a beer. beer therapy.

X X

pncurl

oh yeah!!!

tonight is like prom night. it's like first date night. it's like your favorite pair of panties night. it's battlestar galactica night.

could i ask for anything more?