I had a dream where I could travel from place to place by closing my eyes and envisioning the place I wanted to be surrounding me. I could skate across concrete by some mechanic that I do not actually understand... And I think I met someone in my dream...Now isn't that odd. There was a black woman in the mall in my dream who, for some reason, didn't seem like she belonged there, and when I talked to her she actually responded before disapearing. In the dream, at least, I was quite convinced that she was a real person who was able to see me, as opposed to a normal dream person.
I also had a massive red vinyl coat that was just bloody awesome, and got into a couple of sword fights.
It bothers me how simple something like, oh, flying or teleporting from place to place seems in a dream. I can always remember how I did it for a couple of seconds after I wake up but it won't work. It's very distressing to me.
I called four different psych places today. I got three answering machines and one 'Well, we have this very expensive and time consuming test which will allow us to conclusively rule out a lot of things that you probably don't have anyway.'
I am the hate of all.
I am also seriously considering taking vows of poverty, charity, and freeloading and becoming a mendicant monk/swinger.
Seriously, though, there is something wrong with me. I can't write or do research because when I try to do either of those things my mind seizes up harder than a suburban with hole in the oil pan. I can't think, I can't do anything, I get all tense and nervous and shit. It's probably some kind of an anxiety attack.
But the thing is I have no fucking idea what it is. All I know is that I can't work around it on my own and I can't find a single damned person who can diagnose this thing and tell me how to start countering it so I can get through college. I really do want to get through college.
This is very frustrating. I mean, I'm trying to get help for something I can't even give a name to, something that seems to affect only one very very specific aspect of my life, and if I don't figure the fucking thing out soon I'm going to fail another semester of college and then I'll have to start looking into alternate careers, like the FFL.
Seriously, asking for help when you don't know what kind of help you need is no fucking fun at all.
I also had a massive red vinyl coat that was just bloody awesome, and got into a couple of sword fights.
It bothers me how simple something like, oh, flying or teleporting from place to place seems in a dream. I can always remember how I did it for a couple of seconds after I wake up but it won't work. It's very distressing to me.
I called four different psych places today. I got three answering machines and one 'Well, we have this very expensive and time consuming test which will allow us to conclusively rule out a lot of things that you probably don't have anyway.'
I am the hate of all.
I am also seriously considering taking vows of poverty, charity, and freeloading and becoming a mendicant monk/swinger.
Seriously, though, there is something wrong with me. I can't write or do research because when I try to do either of those things my mind seizes up harder than a suburban with hole in the oil pan. I can't think, I can't do anything, I get all tense and nervous and shit. It's probably some kind of an anxiety attack.
But the thing is I have no fucking idea what it is. All I know is that I can't work around it on my own and I can't find a single damned person who can diagnose this thing and tell me how to start countering it so I can get through college. I really do want to get through college.
This is very frustrating. I mean, I'm trying to get help for something I can't even give a name to, something that seems to affect only one very very specific aspect of my life, and if I don't figure the fucking thing out soon I'm going to fail another semester of college and then I'll have to start looking into alternate careers, like the FFL.
Seriously, asking for help when you don't know what kind of help you need is no fucking fun at all.
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Her expert is old childhood psycologist, so it's like a deposition I can't hit on cross.