frankmask

I just moved about half of the people on the zombie squad forums from the 'People who will survive the zombie apocalpyse' category to the 'Meals on Wheels' category after reading all six pages of their discussions on melee weapons.

First of all, the fuckers need to learn how to throw a wrap shot. A wrap shot involves swining your sword horizontally over your head in such a way that your wrist flicks and the back of the sword strikes the enemy in the back of the head, temple, neck, shoulder, or upper arm with great speed and force. It's the beard and butter strike for a lot of recreation and sport fighters because it goes around shields and defenses and a really weird angle and if you're good at it you can pull consistent head shots. Performed with a mace or a reasonably heavy sword it's the zombie killing attack to know, in that it both avoids most of the strong parts of the skull and it allows you to make the most use of a lighter weapon.

Secondly they pretty much dismissed pole arms and hammers. Halberds are big axes on six foot poles. War hammers are small, hard hammers on four foot poles, often with small spear points, specifically designed for bunging holes in steel plate. Anyone who is serious about fighting more than one zombie at a time should look into getting something that they can use to hit a zombie from eight feet away. You can also use spear points and hooks to catch and manuever the things so that your mates can get up near them with less risk and score a headshot.

No mention of shields, of course, but eh.

And anyone who passes up a decent claw hammer infavor of a crow bar may as well just shoot themselves now. All metal weapons are always a bad idea. If you miss and strike something solid, or even just get a good blow to a hard part of the body then the entire shock of hte blow is transfered in to your hand which can cause you to drop your weapon and at the least makes lining up the next shot difficult. You'd be far better off with a stout oak rod than a crowbar, if only for that reason. Crowbars are also uneccesarily heavy and unwieldy for a melee weapon.

So, folks, if you look out the window tommorow and a rotting, animated corpse is enthusiastically devouring the Sullivans on your front yard leave the tire iron in the garage and grab a hatchet or a 24+oz. hammer. Leave that 440 stainless Katana on the wall and pull the wooden rod out of your closet. Drop the kitchen knife and get grandpa's cane with the impressive brass eagle on the handle. And always remember to return to guard immediately after you strike. None of this ridiculous wild action hero swinging. Strike, then immediately pull your weapon back into line to defend yourself or make another strike.

Also, wear gloves. Even winter gloves are harder to chew through than skin. Make sure you can still get a good grip on your weapon, but try to have gloves.

Oh, and if you've got one consider taking an Awl with you. Really sharp, hard little spike on an awl. If you find yourself in a really bad spot get a good grip on it and bung it into the zombies temple as hard as you can, again and again and again.

And don't bother with chain flails or anything like that. Too likely to get tangled and taken out of your hands.

And easy on the sledge hammers. You are very vulnerable swining those. If you miss and hit the pavement it will probably take you a few seconds to get the weapon up to strike again and in that time you've become a happy meal for the mortality challenged.

Pliers can punch through a skull in a pinch, too. Remember, temples temples temples.

And wear a leather jacket if you've got on, and your heaviest pair of pants, and a belt. Tie your shoes, wear combat boots if you've got them. Button up the collar on your jacket if you can. Wear a helmet or wrap a few layers of cloth around your head. Try to protect your neck, and keep a layer of cloth or leather between you and the dead. Think about strapping on your kids knee and elbow pads. Remember that zombies aren't that much stronger than a human, and biting through cloth is very difficult.

And no chainsaws. Seriously. I mean, if you've got one you can try it, but they're heavy and if you miss you're likely to take your own leg off.

Bring rubbing alcohol, needle and thread, and gauze. If you really encounter zombies it's going to be anyone's guess how they came about. It's possible that something other than a virus is going on and that biting and scratching will not turn someone into a zombie. Keep an eye on them anyway, but don't start shooting people who have been bitten until you know it is communicated via bites from zombies. If you're observing someone who has been bitten consider loosely hobbling their legs with rope. If they do turn suddenly the zombie is likely to be impeded by the rope, which may give you extra time to deal with it.

In any case your best armor is probably chain maille, and your best weapon is probably a four foot footman's war hammer, followed by a heavy short sword or a hatchet. But I'm betting that most of you only have the hatchet.

Oh, and don't tree yourself. starving is a nasty way to die.

And you might consider getting in the habit of singing as you walk, assuming it doesn't attract zombies. Zombies don't sing and it'll let other humans know you're still breathing.