I'm fucking bloody well manic right now. I don't want to be in this miserable fucking existence. There is no point. There is no reason. It just fucking is. I doesn't mean anything, it doesn't go anywhere, it just is, and it is consistently lonely and miserable and painful. Everything good in the world exists in spite of it. Reality is empty fucking vacuum with a few god damned stars in it, and one shithole blue green rock with a few billion creatures that are just smart enough to realize how totally miserably powerless they are. You can't do anything. Nothing you can do means anything. It just washes away. You turn away for a second and your whole life disapears, like it never happened. You can't make the world any better or worse, you can't save anyone and but you can sure as hell damn them. All the good you'll ever do is swallowed up the instant you die but your evil lives on forever. I fucking hate it.,
I don't want to die. I don't want to cease existing, I just want out of this fucking prison. I want away from here. There is no reason to be in this place. Nothing can be accomplished. There is time, here. It fucking destroys everything. It's fucking evil.
God, I am in such a rage right now. I want to fucking destroy. I want to. No. I don't. I don't want to hurt anything or anyone. I just want to build things. You can't build anything here. Time washes it away if people don't get to it first.
All the evil inthe world is stupid. All the hate is stupid. It's so fucking tragic. Everything is just stupid fucking people. Theres no war on terror, It's just a bunch of assholes killing people for no god damned reason that matters, on both sides. Fuck you both, you're all going to die in a hundred years, the fuck does anyone care? It doesn't fucking matter you worthless fucking specs of carbon and lightning. You're nothing. FuckiFuCK FU FFKCF
I want to push on the walls of reality until they break and let me out of here.
Why are you still here? You're going to die. What do you think you're going to accomplish before then? You're going to age, your body will fall apart, your mind will decay, everything that makes you you will disapear and then you corpse will finally give up and cease to function. That's it, that's the light at the end of the tunnel, that's everything.
There is no fucking god. Babys are born without brains. There are three thousand different religions. There is no magic, there is no soul. A neurosurgeon could cut you apart, take away pieces of you. They could cut out Love, and cut out Religion, cut out Sex. It's just fucking programming in your head. Cut out the right bit of flesh and you can't do math, cut out another and you can't see colors. Cut out a third and you can't speak, can't read, can't think. Cut out your memories and who are you? Where is the spark? Stick a god damned eggbeater in your head and turn it on, leave you alive, where is the soul?
Fucking hell. Why hasn't everyone up and fucking killed themselves yet? I don't understand, I don't underfucking stand. This reality is fucking wrong. There should be something and their isn't. Just death, waiting at the end of everything.
I'm angry, I'm really fucking angry at reality.
Fuck, fuck it all. Everyone who reads this will think I'm fucking crazy, everyone will think I'm nuts. This is a metaphor for me destroying my room with a sword. It's a metaphor for cutting into my flesh. It's a metaphor for breaking down the door and buring down the world. I'm writing because it channels my anger out of me without destroying anything. All that shit about this? It's anger and destruction. It's murder and fire and hatred, written instead of acted out with the sword.
Fuck reality. It's overrated. There has to be something else out there.
The worst part, let me tell you, I can't do anything. Nothing matters. Go for a walk? I'm still here, I can't walk away from here. Go for a drive? Where? It's all the same, it's all the same stupid miserable world? Draw? Build? Write? I'm too fucking angry to pen a coherent sentence. Talk? No one I can reach would know what to make of this, and I've never met anyone who can convince me this world isn't a tragic fucking mistake. Break shit? Why. It doesn't change anything. Kill myself? Fuck that, I like existing. It's the scenary I'm sick of. Burn things? Talk about your fucking illusions. Oh the cleansing fire. Fire doesn't change a fucking things. There's nothing to do. There's no where to go. Fucking gravity is oppression. I can't do anything.
Nothing will make this better. I just have to wait until my body can't sustain the chemicals to be angry, or I become distracted.
I can't even fucking sleep. I fucking hate being unable to sleep. I fucking hate it.
I don't want to die. I don't want to cease existing, I just want out of this fucking prison. I want away from here. There is no reason to be in this place. Nothing can be accomplished. There is time, here. It fucking destroys everything. It's fucking evil.
God, I am in such a rage right now. I want to fucking destroy. I want to. No. I don't. I don't want to hurt anything or anyone. I just want to build things. You can't build anything here. Time washes it away if people don't get to it first.
All the evil inthe world is stupid. All the hate is stupid. It's so fucking tragic. Everything is just stupid fucking people. Theres no war on terror, It's just a bunch of assholes killing people for no god damned reason that matters, on both sides. Fuck you both, you're all going to die in a hundred years, the fuck does anyone care? It doesn't fucking matter you worthless fucking specs of carbon and lightning. You're nothing. FuckiFuCK FU FFKCF
I want to push on the walls of reality until they break and let me out of here.
Why are you still here? You're going to die. What do you think you're going to accomplish before then? You're going to age, your body will fall apart, your mind will decay, everything that makes you you will disapear and then you corpse will finally give up and cease to function. That's it, that's the light at the end of the tunnel, that's everything.
There is no fucking god. Babys are born without brains. There are three thousand different religions. There is no magic, there is no soul. A neurosurgeon could cut you apart, take away pieces of you. They could cut out Love, and cut out Religion, cut out Sex. It's just fucking programming in your head. Cut out the right bit of flesh and you can't do math, cut out another and you can't see colors. Cut out a third and you can't speak, can't read, can't think. Cut out your memories and who are you? Where is the spark? Stick a god damned eggbeater in your head and turn it on, leave you alive, where is the soul?
Fucking hell. Why hasn't everyone up and fucking killed themselves yet? I don't understand, I don't underfucking stand. This reality is fucking wrong. There should be something and their isn't. Just death, waiting at the end of everything.
I'm angry, I'm really fucking angry at reality.
Fuck, fuck it all. Everyone who reads this will think I'm fucking crazy, everyone will think I'm nuts. This is a metaphor for me destroying my room with a sword. It's a metaphor for cutting into my flesh. It's a metaphor for breaking down the door and buring down the world. I'm writing because it channels my anger out of me without destroying anything. All that shit about this? It's anger and destruction. It's murder and fire and hatred, written instead of acted out with the sword.
Fuck reality. It's overrated. There has to be something else out there.
The worst part, let me tell you, I can't do anything. Nothing matters. Go for a walk? I'm still here, I can't walk away from here. Go for a drive? Where? It's all the same, it's all the same stupid miserable world? Draw? Build? Write? I'm too fucking angry to pen a coherent sentence. Talk? No one I can reach would know what to make of this, and I've never met anyone who can convince me this world isn't a tragic fucking mistake. Break shit? Why. It doesn't change anything. Kill myself? Fuck that, I like existing. It's the scenary I'm sick of. Burn things? Talk about your fucking illusions. Oh the cleansing fire. Fire doesn't change a fucking things. There's nothing to do. There's no where to go. Fucking gravity is oppression. I can't do anything.
Nothing will make this better. I just have to wait until my body can't sustain the chemicals to be angry, or I become distracted.
I can't even fucking sleep. I fucking hate being unable to sleep. I fucking hate it.