frankie18

8:30 on a sunday night and im all alone. i secretly wish i wasnt but at the same time i dont want to call any of my friends. im in that weird mood. i feel a bit lost. like theres no one i could call who would understand. theres two weeks left of school. im running out of time. theres so many people that ill miss once this semester is gone. people i know i wont keep contact with. i always do this. im a bit shy at the beginning. not shy, just quite. im observent and wary. i dont trust people easily. im always overguarded. and i have i hard time expressing my feelings. i dont like being so vulnerable.

theres a girl in one of my classes that i think is super cool. i had a dream about her the other day. i caught her sleeping with my boyfriend. and when i asked her why she did it she replied, to be near you. then she ran her hands through my hair and kissed me. i rested my forehead on hers and smiled. i realized then, when i awoke, giddy and fluttery, that i have to do something before the semester ends. i got ready, made extra sure i looked cute and jetted to school. i psyched myself up by singing silly love songs in the car but when i got to class she was no where to be found. o well maybe next time i guess.

my best friend called me right now. just like 30 seconds ago. shes moving in two weeks. in with her boyfriend a few hours drive away. its already killing me inside. she asked me if i was going to school on mon or wed, if not could we hang out. i told her i have plans to meet someone. i can see what im doing. anyone can. im pushing her away, trying to hurt her, to make things.... easier? im listening to the saddest songs, trying to get this all outta my mind. but im only making things worse.