frankie18

so the other day i was driving down the freeway. twenty miles faster than all the other cars and it was raining. hard. as i approached turns i refused to take my foot off the accelerater. i held onto the wheel a little tighter and felt my back tires slide a little farther. but i wasnt scared. im never scared, when its raining. i play this little game with the rain. i let it fall. i watch it cover me. completely. untill i cant see, anything. i dont use my wipers, i dont try to stop it, i just wait. i like it when i cant see anything. and i try to see how long i can last until i start to feel a bit panicky. i like watching as all the lights turn into blurs. as the lines in the road dissappear, and all the other cars too. then its just you. out there all alone. in the rain.

the other day it was one of my dear friend's bdays. my friend abbie and i went shopping early in the morning. we bought groceries, party supplies, and gifts all in the rain. it was funny to drive home in a car full of helium balloons. we couldnt see a thing. we cleaned up my house a bit, decorated it with streamers and things, and i even baked a cake. after she left to go back to work i went shopping again. a bit for myself a bit for all the others. i bought 7 books, 6 cds, a bamboo good luck plant, and a video game. the bookstore was my favorite stop. i could spend days in there. that night we went out to eat at claim jumper then as a surprise we all went and got our palms read. it was quite entertaining. especially at 11:30 at night and in the rain.

im a skeptic by nature. i dont mean to be, i swear. its just a part of me. i dont believe in ghosts, i dont believe in psychics, and as far as the subject of god, lets just say its touchy. so i was doing this just cause everyone else was. after the first two of my girlfriends came out i was still skeptical. but after seeing the look in abbies face, i was just a bit ntrigued. i was the last to go. she looked at my lifeline and told me that it was long (all my relatives live to their 100s). but that i abuse it because i dont want to live long (true). she told me that three years ago i had to make a choice and i chose my dad (my parents got divorced. i chose my dad). even though i didnt like him when i was younger our relationship has since bloomed (true). she said i made the right choice. to stay with him because hes the level headed of my parents. she said that seven years ago i made a move of sorts and i havnt had a true best friend since (i changed schools. true.) she said that ive been following the same cycle with people since. letting them into my life for periods of only 6 monthes (true. im famous for it). she told me that i havent known my current friends for very long but they have. that weve grown tremendously in the last 6 monthes (theyre all childhood friends. true). she said that ive never been in love. never had a truely significant other (true.) she said that im lonely (true. this bothered me a bit.) she said that i wont fall in love for a long time and lack of love will cause me to become career driven. she said that ive been writing alot lately (true). she said yesterday i was contemplating change and all the things i want to do and be. that i wrote it all down (true. thats the day of my last entry). she said this is all good. that i need change. she said she saw a decision ill have to make. wiether to stay here with my friends, who arnt going anywhere, or move away all by myself. she said ill chose to move to the east coast (i want to). my career will florish there and ill have a gallery showing or exhibit of some sort (hmm i am an art major. this would be quite ideal). she said that ill have to make a choice far into my future between career and love. chose love she said. ill be my first and itll be real. hell have a background or association with education (oh the suspence). she said that recently ive toughened myself up (t). that theres alot i dont tell people even my closest friends (t). she said that soon ill meet a guy. someone who travels alot and lives a flashy lifestyle. she said well be friends and i have alot to learn from him (hmmm do i know anyone like that?). and a girl i know will come back into my life. that ill learn alot from her too (could it be my recent attemp to restore my lost friendship?).

i was in there the longest of all my friends. she was also the most descriptive with me. maybe my appearance gave out clues. maybe im drawing to conclusions a bit. or maybe she was just likely. either way she was absolutly true about everything. sorry this entries a bit long but ive been quite unnerved lately. thanks for all the well wishes and advise. i need all the advise i can get. you guys rock.

love
frankie