you didn't, really, believe that, did you?
and we are back, coming at you, live, as always, from our station, currently, riding the edge of the EVENT HORIZON of the BLACK HOLE SUN, where it's, as always, always midnite. this is the LOST HIGHWAY, with your host, the angel of death himself, the REVEREND frank cotton, on IM 6.6.6, radio K-A-L-I. and we are glad to be back! folks, what can i tell you, it's been real busy here in hell, and frank, that's me, has been on assignment, on location, in the fields, and on the front line, since our last broadcast. much ado, i tell you, and i WILL tell you, all about it, directly. but first, an apology, to the ANGELS of the world, the girls, you know who you are, for our, or rather, my, diatribe of, uh whatever the hell day it was, after my rotten fucking fiftieth birthday. i'm sorry, ladies, but i held that back for many years, and it was going to break out at one point or another, regardless, and while that doesn't excuse it, i hope it will help to explain it. i am truly sorry, and i ask you, on my knees, and from the bottom of my heart, to forgive me. i will not let slip from these lips another derogatory comment, or spiteful word, against thee, any or all, again. i sincerely hope that, i have not endangered your trust, or your faith in me, to continue to do what's right. i will endeavor, to do my best, to make up to you, any loss of trust, faith, and hope, that i may have, and probably did, cause you to lose. as soon as we get some tunes on, we'll skip the usual hodge podge of features, and get right down to business. FRANK! no, not you, the other one...load up REPTILE, NINE INCH NAILS, THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL, MY MICHELE, GUNS N' ROSES, APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION, TAINTED LOVE, MARILYN MANSON, LEST WE FORGET, PLAYING YOUR SONG, HOLE, CELEBRITY SKIN, and, a triple play, of GARBAGE, THE TRICK IS TO KEEP BREATHING, and MEDICATION, off VERSION 2.0, finishing with, STUPID GIRL, off of, dammit, GARBAGE. hell, let's just burn thru the features, all rapido. first, tonight's WORD, is, REPERCUSIONS. you'll understand why, soon enough. tonight's THOUGHT, is, 'we all need each other, just not, all of the time'. that's one of mine, i am not ashamed to say. what we RECOMMEND, is, SWISS+TECH. they make a really cool little multi-tool, that kind of, TRANSFORMER-like, folds up into a, aw fuck, just go to RADIO SHACK and look at the damn thing. it's cool, what the hell else you need to know? and, no, they didn't pay me jack to say this, i stole mine. onward - in addition to tonite's RAVE, i will be posting, shortly, a copy of the letter i sent to 'maureen dowd', after she took it upon her, elitist, over-paid, under-qualified, what-the-fuck-has-she-ever,-actually-done, self, to lambast BOB DYLAN, for having the gall to, make a buck or two off of his own work (ain't all that simple, just look it up, dumbass). ripped her a couple o' new ones, i did. you'll see. and, additionally, at no extra charge to you, the listener, i will throw in the letter i wrote to my former, that's right, frank got fired again, employer (after it clears legal), 'papa john's pizza'. more on that, in mere moments. first, i need to take a leak. much better. let me bring ya'll (don't you just HATE that?), up to speed on current events, in what you, mistakenly, call the, 'real' world. well, since, the last you heard of my, day-to-day, rather pointless existence, which was, i believe, something about, apologizing, and i still don't see why i should, for, um, 'alledgedly', suggesting that, good, decent people should, seriously, band together and burn down every known crack house in their own, particular neck of the woods. or, some words, to that effect. why is it, that, 'crack', seems to figure prominently in every one of my, 'incidents'? fate, i suppose. anyhoo, since then, Amy, who i, may have mentioned, in my REPORT of, what was that frank, the date? well, look it up shithead, i don't, like, not pay you for, you know, nothing! in my REPORT of 02/23/2011, Amy, once again, plays lead in this, tonites's, more or less, tragic story. first, the set-up. and, you know, it sure felt like one, too. on or about two weeks ago, frank, this one, not one of those, other, two, asswipes, pulls into his local gas-and-go, and, surprise, surprise, kinda like, DURAN, DURAN, what do i see but, Amy, in her car, but, not, however, in the driver's seat, amidst a group of, shall we say, oh, fuck it all, CRACKHEADS! i, know the ENEMY, and, his/her VICTIMS, when i see them, ok? i found out, after this, and before that, that she had been dropped from her EMT class for FAILING A DRUG TEST (that would be, like a warning, a really big one, and all, red and, all, like flashing like). so. RADAR is picking up a big bogey, and me, frank, whatever, has to act/decide, do i, a) go along with all the, other, gutless, pussy-boy types, and, essentially, pretend i ain't seen it, or, do i, b) do, well, SOMETHING about it. you know, like i did the last time, when i uh, flushed it all away. back when. yes, of course, i am that stupid, no i did not learn anything last time, and yes, i will, once again, stick my neck out, over the chopping block (it appears that i, forgot to mention in that, prior, REPORT, that, i had, after all was said, and, nothing was done, been told to, quite pointedly, not do anything even remotely like that again, and, especially, dear god please, NOT to/with/and/or/or/over, Amy). which i, after, being warned, by, family, friends, and the rest, well, i did. i wrote her a letter, oh, no, not that, anything but that, a letter in which i described in, painful, explicit detail, what i had done before, that which, had, oddly enough, led directly to my being here, at this particular point in time, for a girl, at the end of her run, rather than, like Amy, at the start of hers, and would, irregardless, do again, for any other girl. for any, other girl, other ANGEL. and, on another, busy friday night, i deliberately, and with full knowledge of the possible consequences thereof, did indeed, personally, open her car door, and placed it, rather prominently, on top of the pile of, whatever crap it was that was in her passenger seat. long to short - she read it, freaked out (why, would you, actually freak out over something like that if it, was not, indeed, actually true? personally, i would have either a) laughed it off, as in, are you fucking kidding me, or b) become all puffed up and offended (which, actually, might or might not be telling), and maybe even threaten to beat the shit out of, the, sorry, offending, letter-writing party), and, demanded to go home. ? i was, of course, accused of having authored said offending letter, and was also, subsequently (nice, big word, that there is), sent home. on returning to work, the following day, early i might add, due to a 27 pizza order, to be ready right at opening time, i was, 'ambushed', so to say, by my new, definitely sissy-fag (his term, not mine), fraidy cat boss. after denying...well, what did you expect? i mean, seriously...any or all involvement in the preceedings of the preceeding night, i was, summarily, dismissed. bad move, on the part of, new boss, and, all those above him, who will be, quite soon, buying me a condo, downtown, overlooking the new ballpark. people, please, a show of hands will suffice, which is of greater value; one's privacy, or one's life? i await your answer with, bated, or, is it baited, breathe. until next time...
and we are back, coming at you, live, as always, from our station, currently, riding the edge of the EVENT HORIZON of the BLACK HOLE SUN, where it's, as always, always midnite. this is the LOST HIGHWAY, with your host, the angel of death himself, the REVEREND frank cotton, on IM 6.6.6, radio K-A-L-I. and we are glad to be back! folks, what can i tell you, it's been real busy here in hell, and frank, that's me, has been on assignment, on location, in the fields, and on the front line, since our last broadcast. much ado, i tell you, and i WILL tell you, all about it, directly. but first, an apology, to the ANGELS of the world, the girls, you know who you are, for our, or rather, my, diatribe of, uh whatever the hell day it was, after my rotten fucking fiftieth birthday. i'm sorry, ladies, but i held that back for many years, and it was going to break out at one point or another, regardless, and while that doesn't excuse it, i hope it will help to explain it. i am truly sorry, and i ask you, on my knees, and from the bottom of my heart, to forgive me. i will not let slip from these lips another derogatory comment, or spiteful word, against thee, any or all, again. i sincerely hope that, i have not endangered your trust, or your faith in me, to continue to do what's right. i will endeavor, to do my best, to make up to you, any loss of trust, faith, and hope, that i may have, and probably did, cause you to lose. as soon as we get some tunes on, we'll skip the usual hodge podge of features, and get right down to business. FRANK! no, not you, the other one...load up REPTILE, NINE INCH NAILS, THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL, MY MICHELE, GUNS N' ROSES, APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION, TAINTED LOVE, MARILYN MANSON, LEST WE FORGET, PLAYING YOUR SONG, HOLE, CELEBRITY SKIN, and, a triple play, of GARBAGE, THE TRICK IS TO KEEP BREATHING, and MEDICATION, off VERSION 2.0, finishing with, STUPID GIRL, off of, dammit, GARBAGE. hell, let's just burn thru the features, all rapido. first, tonight's WORD, is, REPERCUSIONS. you'll understand why, soon enough. tonight's THOUGHT, is, 'we all need each other, just not, all of the time'. that's one of mine, i am not ashamed to say. what we RECOMMEND, is, SWISS+TECH. they make a really cool little multi-tool, that kind of, TRANSFORMER-like, folds up into a, aw fuck, just go to RADIO SHACK and look at the damn thing. it's cool, what the hell else you need to know? and, no, they didn't pay me jack to say this, i stole mine. onward - in addition to tonite's RAVE, i will be posting, shortly, a copy of the letter i sent to 'maureen dowd', after she took it upon her, elitist, over-paid, under-qualified, what-the-fuck-has-she-ever,-actually-done, self, to lambast BOB DYLAN, for having the gall to, make a buck or two off of his own work (ain't all that simple, just look it up, dumbass). ripped her a couple o' new ones, i did. you'll see. and, additionally, at no extra charge to you, the listener, i will throw in the letter i wrote to my former, that's right, frank got fired again, employer (after it clears legal), 'papa john's pizza'. more on that, in mere moments. first, i need to take a leak. much better. let me bring ya'll (don't you just HATE that?), up to speed on current events, in what you, mistakenly, call the, 'real' world. well, since, the last you heard of my, day-to-day, rather pointless existence, which was, i believe, something about, apologizing, and i still don't see why i should, for, um, 'alledgedly', suggesting that, good, decent people should, seriously, band together and burn down every known crack house in their own, particular neck of the woods. or, some words, to that effect. why is it, that, 'crack', seems to figure prominently in every one of my, 'incidents'? fate, i suppose. anyhoo, since then, Amy, who i, may have mentioned, in my REPORT of, what was that frank, the date? well, look it up shithead, i don't, like, not pay you for, you know, nothing! in my REPORT of 02/23/2011, Amy, once again, plays lead in this, tonites's, more or less, tragic story. first, the set-up. and, you know, it sure felt like one, too. on or about two weeks ago, frank, this one, not one of those, other, two, asswipes, pulls into his local gas-and-go, and, surprise, surprise, kinda like, DURAN, DURAN, what do i see but, Amy, in her car, but, not, however, in the driver's seat, amidst a group of, shall we say, oh, fuck it all, CRACKHEADS! i, know the ENEMY, and, his/her VICTIMS, when i see them, ok? i found out, after this, and before that, that she had been dropped from her EMT class for FAILING A DRUG TEST (that would be, like a warning, a really big one, and all, red and, all, like flashing like). so. RADAR is picking up a big bogey, and me, frank, whatever, has to act/decide, do i, a) go along with all the, other, gutless, pussy-boy types, and, essentially, pretend i ain't seen it, or, do i, b) do, well, SOMETHING about it. you know, like i did the last time, when i uh, flushed it all away. back when. yes, of course, i am that stupid, no i did not learn anything last time, and yes, i will, once again, stick my neck out, over the chopping block (it appears that i, forgot to mention in that, prior, REPORT, that, i had, after all was said, and, nothing was done, been told to, quite pointedly, not do anything even remotely like that again, and, especially, dear god please, NOT to/with/and/or/or/over, Amy). which i, after, being warned, by, family, friends, and the rest, well, i did. i wrote her a letter, oh, no, not that, anything but that, a letter in which i described in, painful, explicit detail, what i had done before, that which, had, oddly enough, led directly to my being here, at this particular point in time, for a girl, at the end of her run, rather than, like Amy, at the start of hers, and would, irregardless, do again, for any other girl. for any, other girl, other ANGEL. and, on another, busy friday night, i deliberately, and with full knowledge of the possible consequences thereof, did indeed, personally, open her car door, and placed it, rather prominently, on top of the pile of, whatever crap it was that was in her passenger seat. long to short - she read it, freaked out (why, would you, actually freak out over something like that if it, was not, indeed, actually true? personally, i would have either a) laughed it off, as in, are you fucking kidding me, or b) become all puffed up and offended (which, actually, might or might not be telling), and maybe even threaten to beat the shit out of, the, sorry, offending, letter-writing party), and, demanded to go home. ? i was, of course, accused of having authored said offending letter, and was also, subsequently (nice, big word, that there is), sent home. on returning to work, the following day, early i might add, due to a 27 pizza order, to be ready right at opening time, i was, 'ambushed', so to say, by my new, definitely sissy-fag (his term, not mine), fraidy cat boss. after denying...well, what did you expect? i mean, seriously...any or all involvement in the preceedings of the preceeding night, i was, summarily, dismissed. bad move, on the part of, new boss, and, all those above him, who will be, quite soon, buying me a condo, downtown, overlooking the new ballpark. people, please, a show of hands will suffice, which is of greater value; one's privacy, or one's life? i await your answer with, bated, or, is it baited, breathe. until next time...