it is the allnight show here on radio KALI, 6.6.6 on your IM dial, broadcast to you every night from the DARK SIDE OF THE MOON (yes, i know it's actually the far side, but DARK sounds cooler), and i am your host, frank cotton. glad to have you all here! you just heard SEX AS A WEAPON, PAT BENATAR, SEVEN THE HARD WAY (my favorite number, not lucky, mind, just favorite), THIS AIN'T A SCENE, IT'S AN ARMS RACE, FALLOUT BOY, INFINITY ON HIGH (you know, i don't just play these for entertainment), DOWN IN IT, NINE INCH NAILS, PRETTY HATE MACHINE, and MINE ARE THE EYES OF GOD, by CORROSION OF CONFORMITY, a NORTH CAROLINA band, off their album BLIND. maybe it's just me, but i think the names of some of these bands, the titles of some their albums, and even the titles of some of the songs might mean something. if only to me. the lyrics certainly do. we've some new features on the show tonight, but first up is the word of the day, and that is POWER. it figures prominently in this mornings rant/diatribe/speech/lesson, whatever you prefer to call it. more on that later, now, however, it is recommendation time - not just products anymore, no, we're also going to tell you what books and films frank likes...what, you don't care? well, too bad i'm tellin' ya anyways. just watched TRUE ROMANCE at the bro's house today, you girls might like him, he just left his wife after 18 years, having stayed with her for better then ten of those just for his daughter's sake. she's a beautiful girl, resembles her cousin RACHEL a bit, getting a little too spoiled lately, but that's the wicked witch's fault, and we'll save that for another time. he's not as pretty as frank (well, that's not true), but he is somewhat attractive. he'd not seen it, suprisingly enough. great film, lot's of good ideas to be gleaned from it. we also like KICK-ASS, and DEFENDOR, plenty more good ideas in both of 'em. more like that, please. frank, it's too quiet in here, if you get my drift. some PEARL JAM would do nicely, maybe REAR VIEW MIRROR, off VS, TERRIBLE LIE, NINE INCH NAILS, same as before, NAILBOMB, SUM OF YOUR ACHEIVEMENTS and 24 HOUR BULLSHIT, off POINT BLANK, and whatever else your little black heart desires. ladies, if you will, find the boys something to do, as this is another YOUR EARS ONLY deal. before we get to it, tho, frank needs a smoke, maybe a snack, and something to drink.
and we're back! let's see...BALISONG makes some sweet butterfly knives, seen in KICK-ASS, mentioned previously on the show. and knives brings us back to where we left off on our last 'cast, where we were talking about all you wonderful ladies out there taking over the world. didn't think i'd forgotten, did you? you see, girls, i'm doing all this, the way i'm doing it, for a reason. that being, the guys are going to be very unhappy, especially with frank, when they finally realize what's going on here. at this point, frank is, to most boys and girls, just some dipshit who has actually hit on a brilliant idea that he can use to draw attention to his off-the-wall creativity, that is, using the fake radio show idea to try and sell his stories, and other (story-related) ideas. which is true - frank is broke, living with his mother, and working part-time delivering pizzas in a car she bought for him. we'll get to the whys and wherefores later, but suffice it to say, here and now, frank's life is in ruins. he had a great job five years ago, before he met the demon, troubleshooting mainframe software issues for a major bank. please, stop laughing, this is serious. i really did. forty grand a year, $1000 a month apartment, and a new ride every two years; everything BUT the girl, who, eventually led to my doom. i'll get to her in time. at this time, this is who i am (or at least appear to be) to pretty much any and all. another nut on the internet, mildly amusing, trying to make a buck. might even have some good product, believe it or not. this certainly is quite a story so far, isn't it? so here we are, and frank is telling you how to take over and fix everything. inevitably, someone, somewhere (i'm talking about the guys here, the ones who, essentially, run the world thru governments and financial institutions, and corporations and religions, the REAL oppressors, in the real world), is going to catch on, and start blabbing to the rest of the guys, that frank is up to something serious behind their backs, and the shit will hit the fan. this WILL happen. but, for now, it's just you girls, me, and the cat (female). and this is just crazy talk. a show. but what it really is, is what i've been saying from the start; it's a wake up call, that is mainly for the women of the world, because, let's face it, the guys are why everything's all fucked up to begin with. you know this - you've known this, pretty much, all along. the problem is, you've been trying to make your strides, your advancements, out in the open, in their faces. which is why it isn't working. they hate that shit. and they will string you along, give you an inch here, and an inch there, and let you think you are making progress. you are, but not that much. not nearly enough. and you don't know what to do, which is why i'm here, right now. you see, i'm half girl. really. most guys have got at least a touch, or a smudge, or an itty-bitty piece of girl in them, but frank has a full half. he's half everything; half-crazy, half-assed, half good, half bad. he is the mean between the absolutely fixed (extreme good/bad) and the infinitely variable (utter chaos). the reason the world is headed towards disaster is because it's unbalanced, overly male, and i am here to help you wonderful girls to bring it back to EQUILIBRIUM. seen it? it's a great film, and has some very good ideas in it. the thing is, it's wrong. in it's world, there's not enough emotion, and the answer is more. in the real world, there's TOO MUCH emotion, and the answer is LESS. your first impulse is to tell frank to fuck off, and quit listening. please, don't. the entire world is at stake, and we don't have the time for argument. if you will allow me to, i will explain myself and that statement, at length. all you stand to lose is a little of your time. but what you stand to gain is, if you will just listen with an open mind, and seriously consider as truth the things i will tell you, is EVERYTHING. we'll be taking a short SMOKE BREAK at this time, but the show will return directly. i sincerely hope you will see fit to join me.
it's morning in the real world, but here at the outer limits it is always the witching hour. sunday morning, to be exact, frank's day, and frank just told his mom, who's getting ready for church, about the SECRET weapon you girls will be using for your future overthrow of everything. he's hinted around to her about what he's up to, and she thinks he's just being frank, but he finally got a positive reaction from her, today. and that's about as good of a stamp of approval as we're likely to get. frank's mom was a fed for almost forty years (and his outlaw ways were a major irritant), but she worked hard, and was enjoying her retirement right up until i got locked up. bad frank. what a pitiful excuse for a son. i have a lot to make up for. she also was a BIG SISTER, and her once little sister is now a Police Officer. please, DON'T call them pigs. some are, but MOST, are not. she also stayed with her husband, my dad, an alcoholic CHEATER (who, to his credit, never touched her in anger) for eighteen years, mainly for the sake of my brother and me. she finished raising him on her own. we turned out to be a couple of borderline losers, but that was our fault, not hers, and eventually, we both straightened our acts up, which i have to credit to her example. she's, like, the prototype for all of you - she's not afraid to get her hands dirty when necessary. she's 5'2", maybe 110 lbs soaking wet. she was damn good-looking, back in the day, and a sharp dresser. she shot a perfect score with a 9mm handgun when she was sixty-five (she can shoot well with BOTH hands), at her yearly qualification. she used to meet planes at the airport at 4:00 in the morning, all by herself, in the middle of nowhere, as part of her job. she once slapped yours truly across a sidewalk, and up a short flight of stairs. i was way more afraid of her, in my twenties, than i was of my dad, who scared the living shit out of me in my teens. she's tough. which is what you need to be. frank, let's have some music, i'm thinking SPAWN, by SILVERCHAIR/VITRO, from the film's soundtrack, FF=66 by JAWBOX, off FOR YOUR OWN SPECIAL SWEETHEART, maybe some RISE AGAINST, possibly LIFE LESS FRIGHTENING from SIREN SONG OF THE COUNTER-CULTURE, and THE GOOD LEFT UNDONE followed by PRAYER OF THE REFUGEE off of THE SUFFERER & THE WITNESS. after that, it's your call, just remember to write it all down, for a change. i believe we were talkin' 'bout knives at some point, and i'd like to add a few words on that subject. no female should go ANYWHERE, ever, without some kind of potentially lethal protection. i don't care if she's with her biker/bouncer/half-back boyfriend, or Marine husband, or in a fucking tank; she should have her own, personal and familiar, self-defense accessories. she really ought to have a nice compact 9mm handgun, like a KAHR K9, or a STAR FIRESTAR, something that would fit in a small purse, loaded with hollow-points, giving her enough firepower to take out three, or, maybe even four, miscreants. ever seen MS. .45? if not, maybe you should, real soon. do you know why, guys like handguns? because it's the POWER, of the angel of fucking death, right smack-dab in the palm of their hands, that's why. but, they aren't very lady-like (as if), so for standard operating equipment, we'll be sticking to knives and stabbing weapons. consider handguns a HIGHLY DESIRABLE, maybe a-kind-of a, a, well, a, a-little-bit-further-down-the-road-kind-of option. can't get a knife thru security checkpoints/metal detectors? well, here is where i come in handy. how about a nice, over-sized, solid stainless steel pen, with a teeny-tiny little point? get mine? in prison, they would strip-search you for weapons, and when they were done, give you a big ol' pointed plastic pen. WTF? does that make any sense? yes, it does! it levels out the playing field inside, so everyone has at least SOMETHING they could use in a fight, and thereby, a fighting chance at survival. which is what we're talking about here. the survival of you young ladies individually, and of the human race as a whole. 'cause it is getting damn near close to closing time, if you get my drift. hey! how about one of those big, long, three-sided, hard plastic pens? you could stab the shit out of someone with one of those! sorry about the dead air, there, i had to run outside for a quick smoke, and pick the cigarette butts up, out in the yard, that my sorry, worthless, alter-ego frank pitches out of the windows at night. the NO SMOKING sign stays on permanently, inside the station, so, if you want one, it's either, hang your head out one window or another, or go entirely outside. she makes the rules, folks, i just enforce 'em. back to the show. frank RECOMMENDS: PENTEL writing instruments, as well as CROSS, MONT BLANC, and many other fine manufacturers of quality writing, aw, hell, just get some frickin' pens! who is going to take a pointy, well-made, and very attractive, yet potentially very dangerous pen/weapon away from such a lovely, young, thing as yourself? in the right hands, say, of some macho, asshole, pumped-up steroid-abusing dude, that COULD be a terribly dangerous weapon, but in your dainty little hands, why, who would ever even think such a thing? well, me, for one. and, if you follow me, you, for another. how about NAIL FILES? a nice, razor sharp edge, on one side or the other, could come in handy in case of an emergency! frank would like to interrupt himself now, for a couple more, maybe even several, product, or book, and/or film RECOMMENDATIONS. take it away, frank! hi ladie's, frank cotton here, your host with the most, say, hey, frank, those pills kick in yet? the ones you, oh sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that. yet. books, you say, there, dude? ok, how about THE ILLUMINATUS! TRILOGY: THE EYE IN THE PYRAMID, THE GOLDEN APPLE (hey, shit, this is weird; frank once, a long, long time ago, applied for a dishwashing position at a store called THE GOLDEN fucking APPLE. right here in frank's home town, in our galaxy, not quite so far, far away. this is just too fuckin' weird, man, hey, dude, am i trippin'?), LEVIATHAN, by, hey, frank, i thought you told me you wrote those? well, it says right here on AMAZON.COM that a couple of guys named Robert wrote 'em. right fucking there, frank, you lying son of a - HEY, don't you even THINK about goin' there frank, unless you want some of this! we don't cotton to that kind of expression around these here parts, and you know that, so, just settle the fuck down, frank. please. if you don't mind, sir. thank you. man, i need to take a leak.
and we're back! let's see...BALISONG makes some sweet butterfly knives, seen in KICK-ASS, mentioned previously on the show. and knives brings us back to where we left off on our last 'cast, where we were talking about all you wonderful ladies out there taking over the world. didn't think i'd forgotten, did you? you see, girls, i'm doing all this, the way i'm doing it, for a reason. that being, the guys are going to be very unhappy, especially with frank, when they finally realize what's going on here. at this point, frank is, to most boys and girls, just some dipshit who has actually hit on a brilliant idea that he can use to draw attention to his off-the-wall creativity, that is, using the fake radio show idea to try and sell his stories, and other (story-related) ideas. which is true - frank is broke, living with his mother, and working part-time delivering pizzas in a car she bought for him. we'll get to the whys and wherefores later, but suffice it to say, here and now, frank's life is in ruins. he had a great job five years ago, before he met the demon, troubleshooting mainframe software issues for a major bank. please, stop laughing, this is serious. i really did. forty grand a year, $1000 a month apartment, and a new ride every two years; everything BUT the girl, who, eventually led to my doom. i'll get to her in time. at this time, this is who i am (or at least appear to be) to pretty much any and all. another nut on the internet, mildly amusing, trying to make a buck. might even have some good product, believe it or not. this certainly is quite a story so far, isn't it? so here we are, and frank is telling you how to take over and fix everything. inevitably, someone, somewhere (i'm talking about the guys here, the ones who, essentially, run the world thru governments and financial institutions, and corporations and religions, the REAL oppressors, in the real world), is going to catch on, and start blabbing to the rest of the guys, that frank is up to something serious behind their backs, and the shit will hit the fan. this WILL happen. but, for now, it's just you girls, me, and the cat (female). and this is just crazy talk. a show. but what it really is, is what i've been saying from the start; it's a wake up call, that is mainly for the women of the world, because, let's face it, the guys are why everything's all fucked up to begin with. you know this - you've known this, pretty much, all along. the problem is, you've been trying to make your strides, your advancements, out in the open, in their faces. which is why it isn't working. they hate that shit. and they will string you along, give you an inch here, and an inch there, and let you think you are making progress. you are, but not that much. not nearly enough. and you don't know what to do, which is why i'm here, right now. you see, i'm half girl. really. most guys have got at least a touch, or a smudge, or an itty-bitty piece of girl in them, but frank has a full half. he's half everything; half-crazy, half-assed, half good, half bad. he is the mean between the absolutely fixed (extreme good/bad) and the infinitely variable (utter chaos). the reason the world is headed towards disaster is because it's unbalanced, overly male, and i am here to help you wonderful girls to bring it back to EQUILIBRIUM. seen it? it's a great film, and has some very good ideas in it. the thing is, it's wrong. in it's world, there's not enough emotion, and the answer is more. in the real world, there's TOO MUCH emotion, and the answer is LESS. your first impulse is to tell frank to fuck off, and quit listening. please, don't. the entire world is at stake, and we don't have the time for argument. if you will allow me to, i will explain myself and that statement, at length. all you stand to lose is a little of your time. but what you stand to gain is, if you will just listen with an open mind, and seriously consider as truth the things i will tell you, is EVERYTHING. we'll be taking a short SMOKE BREAK at this time, but the show will return directly. i sincerely hope you will see fit to join me.
it's morning in the real world, but here at the outer limits it is always the witching hour. sunday morning, to be exact, frank's day, and frank just told his mom, who's getting ready for church, about the SECRET weapon you girls will be using for your future overthrow of everything. he's hinted around to her about what he's up to, and she thinks he's just being frank, but he finally got a positive reaction from her, today. and that's about as good of a stamp of approval as we're likely to get. frank's mom was a fed for almost forty years (and his outlaw ways were a major irritant), but she worked hard, and was enjoying her retirement right up until i got locked up. bad frank. what a pitiful excuse for a son. i have a lot to make up for. she also was a BIG SISTER, and her once little sister is now a Police Officer. please, DON'T call them pigs. some are, but MOST, are not. she also stayed with her husband, my dad, an alcoholic CHEATER (who, to his credit, never touched her in anger) for eighteen years, mainly for the sake of my brother and me. she finished raising him on her own. we turned out to be a couple of borderline losers, but that was our fault, not hers, and eventually, we both straightened our acts up, which i have to credit to her example. she's, like, the prototype for all of you - she's not afraid to get her hands dirty when necessary. she's 5'2", maybe 110 lbs soaking wet. she was damn good-looking, back in the day, and a sharp dresser. she shot a perfect score with a 9mm handgun when she was sixty-five (she can shoot well with BOTH hands), at her yearly qualification. she used to meet planes at the airport at 4:00 in the morning, all by herself, in the middle of nowhere, as part of her job. she once slapped yours truly across a sidewalk, and up a short flight of stairs. i was way more afraid of her, in my twenties, than i was of my dad, who scared the living shit out of me in my teens. she's tough. which is what you need to be. frank, let's have some music, i'm thinking SPAWN, by SILVERCHAIR/VITRO, from the film's soundtrack, FF=66 by JAWBOX, off FOR YOUR OWN SPECIAL SWEETHEART, maybe some RISE AGAINST, possibly LIFE LESS FRIGHTENING from SIREN SONG OF THE COUNTER-CULTURE, and THE GOOD LEFT UNDONE followed by PRAYER OF THE REFUGEE off of THE SUFFERER & THE WITNESS. after that, it's your call, just remember to write it all down, for a change. i believe we were talkin' 'bout knives at some point, and i'd like to add a few words on that subject. no female should go ANYWHERE, ever, without some kind of potentially lethal protection. i don't care if she's with her biker/bouncer/half-back boyfriend, or Marine husband, or in a fucking tank; she should have her own, personal and familiar, self-defense accessories. she really ought to have a nice compact 9mm handgun, like a KAHR K9, or a STAR FIRESTAR, something that would fit in a small purse, loaded with hollow-points, giving her enough firepower to take out three, or, maybe even four, miscreants. ever seen MS. .45? if not, maybe you should, real soon. do you know why, guys like handguns? because it's the POWER, of the angel of fucking death, right smack-dab in the palm of their hands, that's why. but, they aren't very lady-like (as if), so for standard operating equipment, we'll be sticking to knives and stabbing weapons. consider handguns a HIGHLY DESIRABLE, maybe a-kind-of a, a, well, a, a-little-bit-further-down-the-road-kind-of option. can't get a knife thru security checkpoints/metal detectors? well, here is where i come in handy. how about a nice, over-sized, solid stainless steel pen, with a teeny-tiny little point? get mine? in prison, they would strip-search you for weapons, and when they were done, give you a big ol' pointed plastic pen. WTF? does that make any sense? yes, it does! it levels out the playing field inside, so everyone has at least SOMETHING they could use in a fight, and thereby, a fighting chance at survival. which is what we're talking about here. the survival of you young ladies individually, and of the human race as a whole. 'cause it is getting damn near close to closing time, if you get my drift. hey! how about one of those big, long, three-sided, hard plastic pens? you could stab the shit out of someone with one of those! sorry about the dead air, there, i had to run outside for a quick smoke, and pick the cigarette butts up, out in the yard, that my sorry, worthless, alter-ego frank pitches out of the windows at night. the NO SMOKING sign stays on permanently, inside the station, so, if you want one, it's either, hang your head out one window or another, or go entirely outside. she makes the rules, folks, i just enforce 'em. back to the show. frank RECOMMENDS: PENTEL writing instruments, as well as CROSS, MONT BLANC, and many other fine manufacturers of quality writing, aw, hell, just get some frickin' pens! who is going to take a pointy, well-made, and very attractive, yet potentially very dangerous pen/weapon away from such a lovely, young, thing as yourself? in the right hands, say, of some macho, asshole, pumped-up steroid-abusing dude, that COULD be a terribly dangerous weapon, but in your dainty little hands, why, who would ever even think such a thing? well, me, for one. and, if you follow me, you, for another. how about NAIL FILES? a nice, razor sharp edge, on one side or the other, could come in handy in case of an emergency! frank would like to interrupt himself now, for a couple more, maybe even several, product, or book, and/or film RECOMMENDATIONS. take it away, frank! hi ladie's, frank cotton here, your host with the most, say, hey, frank, those pills kick in yet? the ones you, oh sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that. yet. books, you say, there, dude? ok, how about THE ILLUMINATUS! TRILOGY: THE EYE IN THE PYRAMID, THE GOLDEN APPLE (hey, shit, this is weird; frank once, a long, long time ago, applied for a dishwashing position at a store called THE GOLDEN fucking APPLE. right here in frank's home town, in our galaxy, not quite so far, far away. this is just too fuckin' weird, man, hey, dude, am i trippin'?), LEVIATHAN, by, hey, frank, i thought you told me you wrote those? well, it says right here on AMAZON.COM that a couple of guys named Robert wrote 'em. right fucking there, frank, you lying son of a - HEY, don't you even THINK about goin' there frank, unless you want some of this! we don't cotton to that kind of expression around these here parts, and you know that, so, just settle the fuck down, frank. please. if you don't mind, sir. thank you. man, i need to take a leak.