frank_cotton

hola, amigos! it is i, your host and mentor, your best friend and your worst enemy, frank cotton, here on the allnight show, broadcast live, all night, every night, anywhere, and everywhere, maybe even from your own personal backyard! that's right! or maybe it isn't. and that's right too, because i'm not, that's right, i'm not 'actually' in your backyard, i'm here, where i can always be found at this time of day, at the station! i told you where i really was on some other show, on some other night, right? frank lives at home, with moms, in the newly installed tenth circle of hell. yeah, right down the street from you, the convenience store, just a short drive from WALMART, from whence frank just returned. it is 1:52 in the am, and well, sorry, the show got started a little late tonite. frank needed some smokes and cold medicine. well, actually i just lied. i really didn't need the cigarettes, had a pack right here in the pocket of my favorite shirt, which i got from CAMEL,for smoking umpteen million cigarettes, after i mailed in the required number of coupons from the back of the packs. hold up, just a moment, and we'll throw on some sounds. it's too quiet here at the house, what with mom asleep, and the neighbors, and well, damn near everyone else in this old shithole of a town, WINSTON-SALEM, NORTH CAROLINA. that is correct, frank's a rebel, but he ain't no slave owner or anything like that, he just lives here. like you do, wherever you are at this here moment in time. he lives in the back bedroom, that used to be his room when we all first moved in here. at this time, since frank's supposedly grown up and moved out, it is the cat's room. frank used to live in the basement at the old house on madison avenue, in a nice neighborhood called ARDMORE. the basement was finished, and when frank's dad BOB finally got tired of frank and his younger brother tearing all around in the upstairs rooms, he moved them down into the basement. so, yes, frank is the ORIGINAL, basement-dwelling, emo-loving morlock. not to say that frank likes EMO, HELL NO, he's not into that, he likes METAL, INDUSTRIAL, all that HEAVY music. emo is for sissies and girls, sorry, but it is true, and there is nothing you can do about it! so with that settled, and hey, if i say it is true, it is, let's get that settled right here and now. we're startin' a new feature on the show, and that is the WORD OF THE DAY. today's word is SECRETS! frank knows lot's of secrets. he knows where all the bodies are buried, hey it's true! shut the fuck up donnie, right here on the wall behind frank is a picture he got from NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, where one of his best friends, ART, works, somewhere in the ART department if you can figure that. alright, already, frank will get to the point in his good godamned time, it is his time after all, as all of his long time listeners know, those few who were paying attention while the rest of you were fucking off. and now i've lost my entire train of thought, so we're gonna take a short break here for a word from one of our sponsors. no, it's not a commercial, it's more like a plug, 'cause no one pays me shit to talk about them. BORDERS! frank loves BORDERS, and you lazy, loser slobs, waiting around to watch the world die, are letting BORDERS die! it's your fault, that's right, because you are too scared about the economy to go out and spend any money. we'll get deeper into that at some other time, but for now, suffice it to say, that BORDERS is going under, and you are sitting around doing nothing about it. so. it's your fault. so what are you going to do about it? you want to save the world? to paraphrase TEARS FOR FEARS, let's say EVERYBODY WANTS TO SAVE THE WORLD. so what can you do, personally, to help save the EARTH/WORLD/PLANET on which we all live? go out and spend some money, that's what! it's all about the economy, stupid, so get to work. go out and buy something frivolous, go out and buy something expensive, just go out and buy something! right here, right now! this isn't a joke, the whole global economy is on the brink of collapse, so let's see if we can't fix it. got to start somewhere, right? so go to BORDERS, and BUY SOMETHING! and don't just buy some coffee and walk around looking at stuff; buy a CD, or a DVD, or a poster or something! ANYTHING! do you want the wheels of commerce to grind to a complete halt? do you really want to go back to the garden with nothing to do but sit around and look at the scenery all day? HELL NO! you want the future, you want CDs and DVDs and whatever comes after that! well, here's the bad news, it ain't gonna happen, the future, that is, unless we get the ball rolling again. got no cash? SO FUCKING WHAT? that's what CREDIT is for, to keep things going when times get tough. the whole world is indebted to itself, thru governments and financial institutions, so who cares? everyone's broke, and 2012 is coming up soon, so let's party like it's 1999! why not? if we're all gonna die anyways, why not have a good time first? didn't anyone see THE MATRIX RELOADED? the shit's about to hit the fan, and they decide to have a frickin' rave! sounds like a brilliant idea to me. hey, where's the music? i thought we were going to blast out some tones? so, just shut up and do it, ok? put on ALL FALL TOGETHER by BIG COUNTRY, then OUT OF CONTROL by U2. after that, i'll just plug this MP3 player in somewhere. finally, some noise! so where was i? the point? secrets? THE POSTER! that's it! frank found this picture in an old NATGEO magazine, had it blown up, and made a poster for the wall out of it. this was back in the day, as they say, and back then you couldn't get some sweet one-piece poster, no, you got a poster in nine pieces, three rows of three, kinda like a window. ok, wait, hold on, that's it. what is the point of all this? i'm getting there, just bear with me. the point is, the point is, the point is...