here's the first story mentioned on the show. hope you like it...
Let me lay my cards on the table I think I am the devil. Whoa there! Dont go running for a priest just yet, and watch it with that Holy Water! Im not saying that Im evil incarnate, the beast/666, that Im possessed or even that bad a guy. Just bear with me, please.
I would just cut right to the chase, but then this would be a paragraph, not a story, and a story should have at least a tad bit of suspense. A little background info is also in order to assist you in understanding how I might have reached such a conclusion. I will try not to ramble.
As I said, Im not claiming to be the devil in any traditional sense. I have no power or powers. If I did, Id be doing tequila bong hits while banging some cute Goth chick on her 18th (Im not the world-domination type), or something along those lines. Maybe I should have kept that to myself. The upshot is, I am powerless. Otherwise, I surely would not be sitting here in this smelly little apartment with the Rorschach Test carpet, smoking no-name cigarettes and writing this out in longhand.
With that squared away, lets move along to that background crap. I am, to put it bluntly, a loser. Not that I believe I am to blame for it, or at least not totally. To wit: I am pretty smart (although we are NOT talking about common sense here). My IQ tests out a hair shy of instant MENSA, at 128. 130 language, although you would not believe it to talk with me, or if you read one of my first drafts. I write, I draw well, and can build a PC out of parts in a couple of hours. I have been a professional cook, restaurant manager, electricians apprentice (couldnt stand the weather extremes), repo man, sales ASSOCIATE (dont you love that?), professional picture framer, and a computer operator. I can roof, plumb, wire and paint a house. Restore furniture. Lay carpet. I have written 70 songs (only the lyrics), and several short stories. I am working on three novels. I have also drawn thousands of pictures and designed several PC game levels (I would say Im a polymath, but Im not that good with numbers). In addition, I have read everything from physics, through psychology, to philosophy. All of this with only a tenth grade education. And did I mention that I was lazy?
And the point isI live in a smelly little apartment. I dont design to brag. For all I have done or can do, I have never been an actual success at anything. Sure, I have some personality disorders. I have Tourettes. I aint talk real good. Im just a little bit introverted (Ill bet thats a big surprise), which does tend to put some people off, and limit my opportunities somewhat. But there are lots of far more dysfunctional people out there, making it big doing what they do best or, in some cases, half-assed.
Yes, I have considered that I may just be a hack. People, especially friends and relatives, will lie to avoid hurting feelings so, could be. But what it all boils down to is, I have a slight persecution complex. No shit. And that could be where this idea of mine originates. Thought I was getting off-track, didnt you? No, this is all working towards a revelation. This idea first occurred to me in one of my previously frequent periods of self-doubt and loathing. And OK, I might also have been stoned at the time. Which is why I will grant that this theory could be no more than a cumulative, psychological, knee-jerk reaction.
Im getting there. But perhaps Im putting too fine a point on it by saying I am the devil. Its really more like the devil is being me. No help? Youll see what I mean in a moment.
What makes this idea credible, to me, is the fact that it even came up to begin with. It first reared its ugly head a couple years back when, as I said, I was in a slightly less-than-ideal mood. I didnt dwell on it for long - way too much freak-out potential - and pretty much forgot about it. But every now and then it resurfaces and each time it does, the simple fact that it has reinforces its prospective reality.
Take today; too much caffeine and my mind will start to wander. Three cups of Kenya AA at Borders on an empty stomach (they allow one refill but I am kinda a bad boy), on top of an Im-just-going-to-waste attitude and bam, here it comes again.
So what is it? Well, Im almost ready to tell you but Im gonna have to throw a smidgen of Bible Study 101 at you first, sos itll all click. All yall atheists out there, pay attention.
The Bible tells us that in the end, the devil, amongst others (that will probably be you atheists), will be cast into a lake of fire and the smoke of their torment will rise forever and ever; this being his eventual punishment for all the crime, war, mayhem, and general rebelliousness hes been responsible for. For being the Ultimate Asshole. Thats what he is, you know. He does what he does for cheap laughs. Its not like he can even hope to win. Hes a prick and hes got it coming. But tell me doesnt it, in a way, seem like its just not quite enough? Sure, it will bite, but its a mostly physical sort of torment. Cast your mind back over the ages, and see if you can fathom the sum total of mental anguish he has inflicted on the billions whove walked this earth. Misery to the nth power. Shouldnt he have to taste at least some small portion of that? How about all of it? Well, it could be that he will. Could be, he already is.
Were almost home. Can you see it yet? Here it comes The Bible also tells us that, prior to his final sentence he will be kept bound for 1000 years. Its none too specific about where his head will be at for all that time, so what if, in the interests of justice, he had to sample some of the suffering hes dished out? Not just something similar but the actual pain itself. Are you with me? What if, to while away those idle hours, he had to, oh, lets say, live the life of every single one of us that has ever been? In a row. Or at least the more unpleasant lives. Just to see what its like. And what if, in each of these lives, after hes cried out why me? a couple of hundred times, because of the horrible things that he had done to that very person whose life he now leads, this idea pops into his head? This idea that he cant entirely discount, the uncertainty itself being integral to the purpose, that maybe he is, or I am, living out the life of someone I fucked over a long time ago?
So there you have it. This thought that comes at me from time to time, which I can neither prove nor disprove. Insidious, isnt it? For if it is true, to work, the idea would need to come up and the issue remain unresolved.
With God, all things are possible, and He does not reckon time as we do. A day can be as 1000 years and 1000 years as but a day. And if I can have a dream what spans days in the nine minutes it takes until the snooze goes off again, how many lifetimes could God pack into just one second?
I could be wrong, though, couldnt I?
Let me lay my cards on the table I think I am the devil. Whoa there! Dont go running for a priest just yet, and watch it with that Holy Water! Im not saying that Im evil incarnate, the beast/666, that Im possessed or even that bad a guy. Just bear with me, please.
I would just cut right to the chase, but then this would be a paragraph, not a story, and a story should have at least a tad bit of suspense. A little background info is also in order to assist you in understanding how I might have reached such a conclusion. I will try not to ramble.
As I said, Im not claiming to be the devil in any traditional sense. I have no power or powers. If I did, Id be doing tequila bong hits while banging some cute Goth chick on her 18th (Im not the world-domination type), or something along those lines. Maybe I should have kept that to myself. The upshot is, I am powerless. Otherwise, I surely would not be sitting here in this smelly little apartment with the Rorschach Test carpet, smoking no-name cigarettes and writing this out in longhand.
With that squared away, lets move along to that background crap. I am, to put it bluntly, a loser. Not that I believe I am to blame for it, or at least not totally. To wit: I am pretty smart (although we are NOT talking about common sense here). My IQ tests out a hair shy of instant MENSA, at 128. 130 language, although you would not believe it to talk with me, or if you read one of my first drafts. I write, I draw well, and can build a PC out of parts in a couple of hours. I have been a professional cook, restaurant manager, electricians apprentice (couldnt stand the weather extremes), repo man, sales ASSOCIATE (dont you love that?), professional picture framer, and a computer operator. I can roof, plumb, wire and paint a house. Restore furniture. Lay carpet. I have written 70 songs (only the lyrics), and several short stories. I am working on three novels. I have also drawn thousands of pictures and designed several PC game levels (I would say Im a polymath, but Im not that good with numbers). In addition, I have read everything from physics, through psychology, to philosophy. All of this with only a tenth grade education. And did I mention that I was lazy?
And the point isI live in a smelly little apartment. I dont design to brag. For all I have done or can do, I have never been an actual success at anything. Sure, I have some personality disorders. I have Tourettes. I aint talk real good. Im just a little bit introverted (Ill bet thats a big surprise), which does tend to put some people off, and limit my opportunities somewhat. But there are lots of far more dysfunctional people out there, making it big doing what they do best or, in some cases, half-assed.
Yes, I have considered that I may just be a hack. People, especially friends and relatives, will lie to avoid hurting feelings so, could be. But what it all boils down to is, I have a slight persecution complex. No shit. And that could be where this idea of mine originates. Thought I was getting off-track, didnt you? No, this is all working towards a revelation. This idea first occurred to me in one of my previously frequent periods of self-doubt and loathing. And OK, I might also have been stoned at the time. Which is why I will grant that this theory could be no more than a cumulative, psychological, knee-jerk reaction.
Im getting there. But perhaps Im putting too fine a point on it by saying I am the devil. Its really more like the devil is being me. No help? Youll see what I mean in a moment.
What makes this idea credible, to me, is the fact that it even came up to begin with. It first reared its ugly head a couple years back when, as I said, I was in a slightly less-than-ideal mood. I didnt dwell on it for long - way too much freak-out potential - and pretty much forgot about it. But every now and then it resurfaces and each time it does, the simple fact that it has reinforces its prospective reality.
Take today; too much caffeine and my mind will start to wander. Three cups of Kenya AA at Borders on an empty stomach (they allow one refill but I am kinda a bad boy), on top of an Im-just-going-to-waste attitude and bam, here it comes again.
So what is it? Well, Im almost ready to tell you but Im gonna have to throw a smidgen of Bible Study 101 at you first, sos itll all click. All yall atheists out there, pay attention.
The Bible tells us that in the end, the devil, amongst others (that will probably be you atheists), will be cast into a lake of fire and the smoke of their torment will rise forever and ever; this being his eventual punishment for all the crime, war, mayhem, and general rebelliousness hes been responsible for. For being the Ultimate Asshole. Thats what he is, you know. He does what he does for cheap laughs. Its not like he can even hope to win. Hes a prick and hes got it coming. But tell me doesnt it, in a way, seem like its just not quite enough? Sure, it will bite, but its a mostly physical sort of torment. Cast your mind back over the ages, and see if you can fathom the sum total of mental anguish he has inflicted on the billions whove walked this earth. Misery to the nth power. Shouldnt he have to taste at least some small portion of that? How about all of it? Well, it could be that he will. Could be, he already is.
Were almost home. Can you see it yet? Here it comes The Bible also tells us that, prior to his final sentence he will be kept bound for 1000 years. Its none too specific about where his head will be at for all that time, so what if, in the interests of justice, he had to sample some of the suffering hes dished out? Not just something similar but the actual pain itself. Are you with me? What if, to while away those idle hours, he had to, oh, lets say, live the life of every single one of us that has ever been? In a row. Or at least the more unpleasant lives. Just to see what its like. And what if, in each of these lives, after hes cried out why me? a couple of hundred times, because of the horrible things that he had done to that very person whose life he now leads, this idea pops into his head? This idea that he cant entirely discount, the uncertainty itself being integral to the purpose, that maybe he is, or I am, living out the life of someone I fucked over a long time ago?
So there you have it. This thought that comes at me from time to time, which I can neither prove nor disprove. Insidious, isnt it? For if it is true, to work, the idea would need to come up and the issue remain unresolved.
With God, all things are possible, and He does not reckon time as we do. A day can be as 1000 years and 1000 years as but a day. And if I can have a dream what spans days in the nine minutes it takes until the snooze goes off again, how many lifetimes could God pack into just one second?
I could be wrong, though, couldnt I?