The last few days have been among the most confusing I have had in a long time. I found out on Wednesday evening one of my oldest friends died from COVID-19 on Tuesday night. We had been friends since we were about 12 years old. The relationship with my friend had been strained over the past few years. He was moving to the right on the political spectrum and I don't share those views. He decided he couldn't talk to me anymore because it would turn into a debate, so we hadn't spoken in awhile. It sucks we never got to patch things up. I know the pandemic has been politicized in the U.S. and his right leaning views would place him squarely in the COVID denier and anti-vaxxer camps, and I could tell from speaking to his wife he wasn't vaccinated.
Since we had gone from talking daily to not talking at all it is almost like he died in my mind a couple years ago. I haven't shed a tear or anything really since I got the news. When talking to his wife I kept thinking I should be feeling something, but it really was like talking about someone I used to know. People have reached out to me to see how I am doing because we were always together, but it is strange to say I hadn't been in contact with him. I feel like a bad person for not being able to muster more emotions about everything. It is all so confusing.
