franceypanties

Ummmm ... hi ....

I'm at work ... wheee ... stoned ... uh huh ...

So I thought I would share a recent e-mail I wrote to a friend of mine. I think its pretty damn funny ... mostly cause its true!!!!

I start today's e-mail with a lesson ... how to fill your box in five easy steps. I am referring to your hotmail in-box of course ... it is actually far easier to fill other types of boxes .. usually just one step is required. Ask someone to fill your box and they are usually happy to oblige .. or so I've discovered. Hee hee .....

Step 1 ... Join an on-line forum or two or three or four and be sure to post erotic pictures of yourself in your signature. Sit back and watch your friendship request lists pile up.

Step 2 ... Activist organizations love it when you sign their on-line petitions and write angry letters to idiot government types and evil corporations. Donate some money to their cause and you will forever be included on the mailing lists of hundreds of worthwhile charity groups and pissed off activists. Note .. do not use this step unless you enjoy openly weeping at your computer every day about the fucked up state of society and the world in general.

Step 3 ... If you don't have time or can't think of anything to type ... quotes are your friends .. they can be used as the subject line or even the body of the message. Simpsons are always a safe choice and there are hundreds of Simpsons websites containing quotes. Here are some examples to get you started ...

- Homer says: "Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them." (to aliens who abducted Simpson family)

"I have feelings too - like ''My stomach hurts'' or ''I'm going crazy!"

"Don't worry ... getting eaten by an alligator is just like going to sleep ... in a blender"

Step 4 ... Be sure to make a lot of sexually suggestive comments or lewd remarks in your e-mails. Make sure to describe your undergarments in great detail. If you are not wearing any ... this is even better. Make full use of double entendres and sexually charged euphemisms, as in ... "Will you touch my monkey"? Or ... "I like having my box filled every night". People that say they don't appreciate your electronic sexual harrassment may not realize how hot you are .. refer to Step 1.

Step 5 ... Strange links and funny pictures make great conversation pieces ... like these:

http://www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com/about.shtml
http://www.emotioneric.com/
http://www.insultmonger.com/

There you go ... follow these easy steps and then you too can spend hours daily ignoring, deleting, mocking, and cursing the flood of e-mails that arrives in your in-box every damn day. But as a very wise man once said ... "Why would I want to do a thing like that?" Indeed .....