I feel bad for going out. I dont feel like laying in bed and crying all day. But I feel like I should be. Likes its wrong for me to have a smile on my face. I go back to work monday. I have a trip to florida with moo moo to look forward to a like in general. A huge part of my life is gone but my life isnt over. I dont understand what im feeling. I feel like going out then feel bad for going out. I dont get it. Am I wrong to go out and have a good time? Am I wrong to want to not "get on with my life" but just keep living in general?
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grieving is done in different ways and at different times. when you want to go out, go out... don't feel guilty about it. the same with smiling and moving on with your life. i imagine that he would have stopped at nothing to keep you from feeling the way you feel right now, return the favor and lighten up on yourself. don't think of it as just moving on with "your" life; there are things that the two of you never got around to doing... now you've got to do them for him. trust me, you'll feel better when you do. personally, it worked better for me if i did it alone, that way it was still "ours"... plus, i don't want someone telling me that everything will be fine when i feel like blowing up the planet & i'm crying like a newborn.
i hope this sheds a little light on things, i really do. i wish i could tell you that everything happens for a reason and believe it, but that's not me. i know that it's going to take time, i know that it's going to hurt like a shot to the nuts, but i also KNOW that it will become more tolerable.
so, lean on your friends (they've probably used you for a stable shoulder before, return the favor), heal in your own way and at your own pace. and if anyone tries to talk sunshine and rainbows before you're ready, punch them in the throat.
best wishes darlin', we're all here for ya; whether you want us or not...
i'm easy to find if needed