lol thanks for all the support on the housemate wierdness last post, folks...
i'm in san francisco now... guess why? my sister's wedding is saturday-- yikes'o'licious... i'll be hanging out here with my dad for the days previous... man, this is SUCH a needed change of scenery from sand-blasted pomona... and let me tell you that my first impression, from having flown in a few hours ago, is that it...is...SO...GREEEEN here!!! jeez! i'd forgotten there was enough water in the universe to keep things this green all at once anymore... wow, trees besides palms exist...
i've been stuck and i mean STUCK in pomona the last week... um, i'll get into the details of why later... it's still way traumatizing and i haven't had email connection or a means of transportation... let's just leave it at that... i've been sitting at home crying and drinking tequila with "big willie" and watching bad 80's porn for a few days... actually the willie has been kindof not too bad of a fellow the last few days... true he makes fucked up comments about any chix he sees pop up on the tv screen... and he seems to believe-- oh lord, the wierd delusions of this fellow which i'll surely have to transcribe later because they just get more and more delicious, but they're WAY too much to get into right now--- ... but, well, he's civil when it comes to helping someone deal with traumatic shit...
and while i've had my fill, in my life, of sitting around listening to people who are members of wierd cults and things trying to saturate me with all the bullshitorific dogma that's been crammed into THEM, it's still wierdly.... well... interesting, maybe in a sick way, maybe in a pathetic way... maybe just in a way that comes along when the real world is so nauseatingly rotten that you just want to hear about something else for a while even if it's wack and you know it... anyways, he talks alot about angels and genesis and wierd chapters that weren't included in the bible and have gnostic traditions around them and stuff... like, he's not a christian per se, but he's done alot of studying on the esoteric stuff having to *do* with it... he went on and on for several hours the other day about something called the Urantia... and wierd details about the fall of lucifer that the bible doesn't mention, and details about eve's actually "deciding" to end their time in eden because that "stage" was taking too long... i dunno, listening to him's kinda like reading a comic book, you know?
but enough of this talk of the wierd Willie! i can understand everybody's thinkin i should move out
but really... i'd love to live closer to LA... but i really just can't right now... i'm still trying my damndest to get a job of any sort...
...i may have found one actually; in a spanish bookstore. A friend of mine came up to me and said that the owner of cafe con libros is desparate for a clerk... and it was arrainged that i would show up the following day at 11 am to meet this woman; but when we arrived at the place the next day, the lady wasn't there... place was all dark and locked up... we called, left a message... we waited an hour, she still wasn't there.. i came back to see a few hours later, called again, still nothing. gugh. so i *think* i might have this job.. but i'm not gonna build a golden monument around it just yet... sigh. the deal is the store owner lady's having a horrible gawd-awful pregnancy, and she's only in her first month-- so i'm told-- so that's why she wants someone else in the store to take her place... and that's also probably why she wasn't there when she said she'd be... sigh.. well, i'll be back in town to check again come next monday...
anyways, as i said i can understand people's not seeing why i'm spending time in willie's house in pomona... i'm sure compared to all the neighborhoods in LA it must seem like a giant waste of time... and yeah, from a perspective way out here in the SF of things it does indeed seem like kindofa truckstop's worth of a place... but remember i'm used to small places, that are equally ambivalent about the world outside, as the outside world is to them... and yah, while i do stop and wonder "what am i doing here??" at times... it's kinda like, the rate at which the value of my being in pomona is decreasing.... is the same as that of my being in this whole country at all... if that makes any sense... i guess what i mean is, for every time i sit and look around and think to myself "i'm nowhere-- why am i spending my youth here? what good can possibly come of my hanging around this place?" i also think, later on, "what is this whole bloody-damn country doing for me? am i learning anything here? why haven't i been outside it yet? why am i waiting... to get out of here? not just this town, but this continent..." it's like... yah i've gotta get outta this place... but it's startin to feel like this *place* maybe isn't just about pomona... but then, i've ALWAYS lived *nowhere*, remember? i *come* from a nowhere, i went to school in a nowhere, i've always been nowhere.. i'm only in big important places for brief interludes and visits and i'm still bewildered and stunned every time i go there... i don't even know how to be used to a big place yet... like a city like los angeles or san fran... my brain is still a *nowhere* size and pomona's actually the closest i've gotten yet... it almost seems to me like i've got to take small steps up the ladder-- like closer and closer to centers of the universe, but not just throw myself in... i've tried to throw myself into the middle of sf for a month and just wound up wasting tons of money and being way confused the whole time... and i've even thought, from time to time, that i can understand why it is that none of my friends from porterville have set up shop in big towns and, those that have left the state, have come back... gone to great lengths to come back to p'ville even though they always hated it... it's just hard in mysterious ways, you know? hard to deal with a way different scale... things are astounding, in places like hollywood or downtown sf or ny etc etc... astoundingly big, astoundingly old--- just astounding in every way almost! astoundingly more important, i wanna say...
i'm in san francisco now... guess why? my sister's wedding is saturday-- yikes'o'licious... i'll be hanging out here with my dad for the days previous... man, this is SUCH a needed change of scenery from sand-blasted pomona... and let me tell you that my first impression, from having flown in a few hours ago, is that it...is...SO...GREEEEN here!!! jeez! i'd forgotten there was enough water in the universe to keep things this green all at once anymore... wow, trees besides palms exist...
i've been stuck and i mean STUCK in pomona the last week... um, i'll get into the details of why later... it's still way traumatizing and i haven't had email connection or a means of transportation... let's just leave it at that... i've been sitting at home crying and drinking tequila with "big willie" and watching bad 80's porn for a few days... actually the willie has been kindof not too bad of a fellow the last few days... true he makes fucked up comments about any chix he sees pop up on the tv screen... and he seems to believe-- oh lord, the wierd delusions of this fellow which i'll surely have to transcribe later because they just get more and more delicious, but they're WAY too much to get into right now--- ... but, well, he's civil when it comes to helping someone deal with traumatic shit...
and while i've had my fill, in my life, of sitting around listening to people who are members of wierd cults and things trying to saturate me with all the bullshitorific dogma that's been crammed into THEM, it's still wierdly.... well... interesting, maybe in a sick way, maybe in a pathetic way... maybe just in a way that comes along when the real world is so nauseatingly rotten that you just want to hear about something else for a while even if it's wack and you know it... anyways, he talks alot about angels and genesis and wierd chapters that weren't included in the bible and have gnostic traditions around them and stuff... like, he's not a christian per se, but he's done alot of studying on the esoteric stuff having to *do* with it... he went on and on for several hours the other day about something called the Urantia... and wierd details about the fall of lucifer that the bible doesn't mention, and details about eve's actually "deciding" to end their time in eden because that "stage" was taking too long... i dunno, listening to him's kinda like reading a comic book, you know?
but enough of this talk of the wierd Willie! i can understand everybody's thinkin i should move out
but really... i'd love to live closer to LA... but i really just can't right now... i'm still trying my damndest to get a job of any sort...
...i may have found one actually; in a spanish bookstore. A friend of mine came up to me and said that the owner of cafe con libros is desparate for a clerk... and it was arrainged that i would show up the following day at 11 am to meet this woman; but when we arrived at the place the next day, the lady wasn't there... place was all dark and locked up... we called, left a message... we waited an hour, she still wasn't there.. i came back to see a few hours later, called again, still nothing. gugh. so i *think* i might have this job.. but i'm not gonna build a golden monument around it just yet... sigh. the deal is the store owner lady's having a horrible gawd-awful pregnancy, and she's only in her first month-- so i'm told-- so that's why she wants someone else in the store to take her place... and that's also probably why she wasn't there when she said she'd be... sigh.. well, i'll be back in town to check again come next monday...
anyways, as i said i can understand people's not seeing why i'm spending time in willie's house in pomona... i'm sure compared to all the neighborhoods in LA it must seem like a giant waste of time... and yeah, from a perspective way out here in the SF of things it does indeed seem like kindofa truckstop's worth of a place... but remember i'm used to small places, that are equally ambivalent about the world outside, as the outside world is to them... and yah, while i do stop and wonder "what am i doing here??" at times... it's kinda like, the rate at which the value of my being in pomona is decreasing.... is the same as that of my being in this whole country at all... if that makes any sense... i guess what i mean is, for every time i sit and look around and think to myself "i'm nowhere-- why am i spending my youth here? what good can possibly come of my hanging around this place?" i also think, later on, "what is this whole bloody-damn country doing for me? am i learning anything here? why haven't i been outside it yet? why am i waiting... to get out of here? not just this town, but this continent..." it's like... yah i've gotta get outta this place... but it's startin to feel like this *place* maybe isn't just about pomona... but then, i've ALWAYS lived *nowhere*, remember? i *come* from a nowhere, i went to school in a nowhere, i've always been nowhere.. i'm only in big important places for brief interludes and visits and i'm still bewildered and stunned every time i go there... i don't even know how to be used to a big place yet... like a city like los angeles or san fran... my brain is still a *nowhere* size
and pomona's actually the closest i've gotten yet... it almost seems to me like i've got to take small steps up the ladder-- like closer and closer to centers of the universe, but not just throw myself in... i've tried to throw myself into the middle of sf for a month and just wound up wasting tons of money and being way confused the whole time... and i've even thought, from time to time, that i can understand why it is that none of my friends from porterville have set up shop in big towns and, those that have left the state, have come back... gone to great lengths to come back to p'ville even though they always hated it... it's just hard in mysterious ways, you know? hard to deal with a way different scale... things are astounding, in places like hollywood or downtown sf or ny etc etc... astoundingly big, astoundingly old--- just astounding in every way almost! astoundingly more important, i wanna say...
And my recommendation is that wherever you go, say fuckitall and move to the largest city you can. If you're looking at city sizes as rungs of a ladder, you'll really be wasting your youth as it were. Big cities have a lot to offer. Feeling a bit lost at times and dealing with the struggles are small prices to pay for cosmopolitan living and diversity and the wealth of life experiences you can score along the way. So there. Again, take that for what you will - I know that ultimately the decision you make will be the right one for you, and that nobody can make it for you.
Thanks on the new wheels. I'm not really a car person, but it's a fun thing to drive.