Life feels weird lately. Katie and I were talking the other day. She said instead of just talking about things I intend to do, I should do some of them. She said she doesn't even know if I am capable of doing anything, to which I had to reply that I don't know if I am, either. Making up the MTSU Student Film Festival is really the only thing I have actually done that is witnessable. I never did homework, I never did projects. I only ever think and read, and upon occasion talk. I seriously sometimes doubt my own existence. Maybe I am just a figment of the imagination of the people I think are friends?
I mean really, all I have to go on is, 'Je pense, donc je suis.' But maybe I am not, and you only imagine that I think. I only think crazy things anyway... maybe it is easier for you to imagine that I think these things so you can feel safe knowing it is not you that has these crazy thoughts...
Lately, you imagine that I have been reading Kierkegaard, and it is great. The man positions depression so artfully that it inspires depression. As in: "O, were I to be possessed by a humour that could inspire such poetry." That kind of inspiration.
Some examples of his writing:
"I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to ride, the motion is too violent; I can't be bothered to walk, it's strenuous; I can't be bothered to lie down, for either I'd have to stay lying down and that I can't be bothered with, or I'd have to get up again, and I can't be bothered with that, either. In short: I just can't be bothered."
"Besides my other numerous circle of acquaintances I have one more intimate confidant -- my melancholy. In the midst of my joy, in the midst of my work, he waves to me, calls me to one side, even though physically I stay put. My melancholy is one of the most faithful mistresses I have known; what wonder, then, that I love her in return."
"My soul is so heavy that no longer can any thought sustain it, no wingbeat lift it up into the ether. If it moves, it only sweeps along the ground like the low flight of birds when a thunderstorm is brewing."
This is a nice mood to be in.
Other darknesses: I watched The Machinist an other day, and it was terrific. Hitchcock was reborn, and made that movie. Christian Bale is amazing... especially to consider that he followed that up with Batman Begins!? Two amazing movies, two amazing roles, and he lost 60lbs for The Machinist, and gained it back for Batman. After watching that, Mark imagined that I went to Blockbuster and told him to watch Barton Fink, which is another great, dark movie. He enjoyed it.
I love it for the mosquito scene, and for John Goodman, and it is odd that the soundtrack for BF and Fargo are together on one disc.
I want to read Lolita again.
I mean really, all I have to go on is, 'Je pense, donc je suis.' But maybe I am not, and you only imagine that I think. I only think crazy things anyway... maybe it is easier for you to imagine that I think these things so you can feel safe knowing it is not you that has these crazy thoughts...
Lately, you imagine that I have been reading Kierkegaard, and it is great. The man positions depression so artfully that it inspires depression. As in: "O, were I to be possessed by a humour that could inspire such poetry." That kind of inspiration.
Some examples of his writing:
"I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered to ride, the motion is too violent; I can't be bothered to walk, it's strenuous; I can't be bothered to lie down, for either I'd have to stay lying down and that I can't be bothered with, or I'd have to get up again, and I can't be bothered with that, either. In short: I just can't be bothered."
"Besides my other numerous circle of acquaintances I have one more intimate confidant -- my melancholy. In the midst of my joy, in the midst of my work, he waves to me, calls me to one side, even though physically I stay put. My melancholy is one of the most faithful mistresses I have known; what wonder, then, that I love her in return."
"My soul is so heavy that no longer can any thought sustain it, no wingbeat lift it up into the ether. If it moves, it only sweeps along the ground like the low flight of birds when a thunderstorm is brewing."
This is a nice mood to be in.
Other darknesses: I watched The Machinist an other day, and it was terrific. Hitchcock was reborn, and made that movie. Christian Bale is amazing... especially to consider that he followed that up with Batman Begins!? Two amazing movies, two amazing roles, and he lost 60lbs for The Machinist, and gained it back for Batman. After watching that, Mark imagined that I went to Blockbuster and told him to watch Barton Fink, which is another great, dark movie. He enjoyed it.
I love it for the mosquito scene, and for John Goodman, and it is odd that the soundtrack for BF and Fargo are together on one disc.
I want to read Lolita again.
The film festival sounds fun!