Things are starting to get mundane, to get stale. And I don't know what to do about it. I not quite (but yes, almost) happy about everything. I feel a crossing of the line, a shedding of skin coming on.
I think it's the impending Spring. Things I'd allowed to hibernate and coming back to life. That sounds about right.
Rather than being vague and mysterious, I'll actually mention what I'm talking about.
I'm turning back to the mental/spiritual side of life, rather than the physical. I am less interested in the sex, drink and rock+roll as I have been the past few months. And I am more than a little concerned about a few things because of this. For example, the girl I'm seeing now -- she is a very integrated part of the "s/d/r+r" part of my life; however I do rather like her and am not lookin forward to hurting her... but I am not interested in integrating her into my new life.
Not to say she isn't welcome. It's just that the people that are part of that life come to it naturally, and uninvited. Is this making any sense?
The other part of that is a bit odd is my ex, who I speak to nearly every day now that she is in London. She and I separated because we both realized that if she didn't experience the "grass on the other side," she'd always think it to be greener. She and I met when she was too young for the relationship to be as serious as we knew it was destined to be, and we knew from the beginning we'd be apart for some time before we were ready to be back together.
Thing is, because I know we'll be back together, I feel bad dating, or even talking to most girls, because I feel like it's somehow dishonest. Am I single? Well, yes. Am I available? Well... am I? Who fucking knows?
And now The Girl, she's told me she loves me. Which I expect could mean that she'll be ready to get back together when she's home from London. Yet at this time, I don't feel like I'll be ready. She had some experiences yet to have--but so have I. And I've had some, but I seem to be in a cycle of those experiences, rather than moving on to new ones.
Blah. This is all a bit too highschool... especially considering I'll be 29 in two weeks...
So instead, let's have a pop quiz.
I think it's the impending Spring. Things I'd allowed to hibernate and coming back to life. That sounds about right.
Rather than being vague and mysterious, I'll actually mention what I'm talking about.
I'm turning back to the mental/spiritual side of life, rather than the physical. I am less interested in the sex, drink and rock+roll as I have been the past few months. And I am more than a little concerned about a few things because of this. For example, the girl I'm seeing now -- she is a very integrated part of the "s/d/r+r" part of my life; however I do rather like her and am not lookin forward to hurting her... but I am not interested in integrating her into my new life.
Not to say she isn't welcome. It's just that the people that are part of that life come to it naturally, and uninvited. Is this making any sense?
The other part of that is a bit odd is my ex, who I speak to nearly every day now that she is in London. She and I separated because we both realized that if she didn't experience the "grass on the other side," she'd always think it to be greener. She and I met when she was too young for the relationship to be as serious as we knew it was destined to be, and we knew from the beginning we'd be apart for some time before we were ready to be back together.
Thing is, because I know we'll be back together, I feel bad dating, or even talking to most girls, because I feel like it's somehow dishonest. Am I single? Well, yes. Am I available? Well... am I? Who fucking knows?
And now The Girl, she's told me she loves me. Which I expect could mean that she'll be ready to get back together when she's home from London. Yet at this time, I don't feel like I'll be ready. She had some experiences yet to have--but so have I. And I've had some, but I seem to be in a cycle of those experiences, rather than moving on to new ones.
Blah. This is all a bit too highschool... especially considering I'll be 29 in two weeks...
So instead, let's have a pop quiz.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
if you end up homeless and jobless in europe, something tells me you'll be the happier for it.
oh, i guess i'm out of my league since i've only seen the Neverending Story movies. grew up with them and, for some reason, always like the second one better. i think it's because i liked the boy better. i'll really have to watch them again. both on VHS of course.
did i ever ask you if you've seen Oldboy? korean, but still...