fractal

Today turned into a Buckley day, my Mojo Pin Man. It' was over cast, the morning fog took it's time buring off, and it was cold this morning in my bed room when I woke up.

Sometimes it feels like I'm always waiting, and sometimes it feels like I can't stop moving and one thing is passing by even faster than the last.

My lips have been cracked and splitting for almost a month now, my insides are executing a mutiny, they're all working against me, even though I'm being good to them for once. Or at least in theory...A few nights ago I was too drunk to stand, I made myself sick when I got home and woke up early evening the next day wondering what the hell makes me do the things I do when I get lost like that. Empty bottles and articles of clothing litter the floor, and migraines and bright lights make me squint my eyes. Little black cells mutating, trying to take over.

I want to say goodbye to you, I'll never love you, but sometimes it's nice to pretend.

I want to get back in the water, I think I want that more than anything. I want to feel my heart pounding in unison with the tide against the fiberglass, I want to feel the resistance and the serenity, trying to pull me under, and I need to surrender to it again, scream the Hallejulah while I walk on water.

One of these days though, and sometimes it feels like it's going to be one of these days soon...