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THE 'OH YEAH, MY MISTAKE' ENTRY

Hmmm... Now let me see.

I have had three proper relationships in my life. I have been unceremoniously dumped for someone else in, let me get this straight... two... yes, two of these relationships. I live in a shitty, expensive flat, in a terrible part of the world and have... oh let me think... that's right two close friends... one of whom lives in a permanent fantasy world and the other is about to emigrate to Australia for the rest of his life which means I may never see him again. I do a job I hate for not quite enough money and frequently just feel empty and alone and desperate and in need of something and I don't even know what so much it makes me want to weep... literally.

So bearing all that in mind, if I want to put a positive spin on things do I have a right to? If life hands me lemons should I be allowed to make lemonade? If I should be running a warm bath and breaking the plastic seal from the razors would it be okay if instead I chose to whistle a jaunty tune and pretend like things are okay actually?

Of course not!

How fucking stupid of me to imagine that were I to sound strong and happy and filled with an inexplicable joie de vivre that someone shouldn't come along and hit me in a really dirty way in a really sensitive place. Someone who may be reading this now. Someone who, hereafter, will have to pay for a fucking subscription to read my journal because it's going fucking private.

DISCLAIMER: Unless I preface an entry 'Fresh Onion Soup' you should assume that any positivity upon my part from now on is a thinly veiled attempt to mask a yawning emptiness and depression on my part. In NO WAY should my seeiming to have a shred of self-esteem fool you into the misguided notion that said self-esteem actually fucking exists. After all we wouldn't want anyone else getting the impression that it's okay to put the boot in without any provocation.

I have never been more angry and upset at another human being in my entire life.