Well okay.
I had a fun weekend, which is basically over now. Friday I hung out with my brother, and Saturday Janie and I stayed up until morning talking. I got honest about the age difference, and she pointed out that if I don't want kids and don't want to support someone, I might not want a woman at all. And I really might not.
Not that I would say no to someone who liked to come over and hang out three or four times a week, but I'm not ready for the big committments people seem to be making at around my age. There are alot of reasons for that, but partly it is because my ambitions are not for a family, and they never have been.
And I suppose there is no reason to be cynical about it, but most people don't want out of life what I want out of it. I won't be satisfied until I write a really great book, and I plan to spend a lot of time working on that. I don't want a family. I like self-possessed people who know what they want, and who have creative and intellectual ambitions. I'm a workaholic, but I will never make much money.
So, I've decided that my quest for a companion in this shit is perhaps going to be futile, because I'm so set in my ways. Janie and I are as close as I've ever been to anyone, but we don't have sex. She has tried to hook me up with her friend, but her friend is definitely not going to fit into my plan of the future.
If I wasn't so sure about what I wanted, I wouldn't try to make these kind of sacrifices. However, except for burning loins, I really like being a bachelor. So maybe celibacy and me are going to have to learn to get along.
Its too bad Janie isn't my age or even 32. There would be a chance for us to be something else I think. I fear that both of us will move on at some point. I don't think this kind of closeness can last forever without some kind of commitment. Generally, I find that friendship goes in phases, and I think there will be low tide with Janie just as with anybody. But I do plan to be her friend until she passes on to a better place.
I think that I'm basically happy with the way things are, and I expect that I will be mostly happy when things change.
I'm usually very personal at my journals.
Later,
Tim.
I had a fun weekend, which is basically over now. Friday I hung out with my brother, and Saturday Janie and I stayed up until morning talking. I got honest about the age difference, and she pointed out that if I don't want kids and don't want to support someone, I might not want a woman at all. And I really might not.
Not that I would say no to someone who liked to come over and hang out three or four times a week, but I'm not ready for the big committments people seem to be making at around my age. There are alot of reasons for that, but partly it is because my ambitions are not for a family, and they never have been.
And I suppose there is no reason to be cynical about it, but most people don't want out of life what I want out of it. I won't be satisfied until I write a really great book, and I plan to spend a lot of time working on that. I don't want a family. I like self-possessed people who know what they want, and who have creative and intellectual ambitions. I'm a workaholic, but I will never make much money.
So, I've decided that my quest for a companion in this shit is perhaps going to be futile, because I'm so set in my ways. Janie and I are as close as I've ever been to anyone, but we don't have sex. She has tried to hook me up with her friend, but her friend is definitely not going to fit into my plan of the future.
If I wasn't so sure about what I wanted, I wouldn't try to make these kind of sacrifices. However, except for burning loins, I really like being a bachelor. So maybe celibacy and me are going to have to learn to get along.
Its too bad Janie isn't my age or even 32. There would be a chance for us to be something else I think. I fear that both of us will move on at some point. I don't think this kind of closeness can last forever without some kind of commitment. Generally, I find that friendship goes in phases, and I think there will be low tide with Janie just as with anybody. But I do plan to be her friend until she passes on to a better place.
I think that I'm basically happy with the way things are, and I expect that I will be mostly happy when things change.
I'm usually very personal at my journals.
Later,
Tim.