What an incredible day.
Nothing happened in the material world that could really explain or trigger it. Rather, it's like all my experiences, all the things that have occurred in my life came into sharp focus.
For those who don't know, I lost a substantial part of my memory following a nervous breakdown at nineteen, brought on by the simultaneous betrayals of my fiancee, my best friend, and my roommates. Little bits have trickled back to me here and there, triggered by odd things. For instance, eating an apricot for the first time since childhood brought back part of those memories. But today, there was really no trigger. Parts came rushing back that nearly stole the breath from my lungs.
One key part being the heart of my martial training, that indomitable part of ME that would always carry me back to my feet every time I was knocked down. I have carried on in the face of adversity simply because I believed I couldn't give up, that I had no choice. Today, I realized I can give up. But I also realized I never will.
Master Choi, who taught me Tae Kwon Do since I was in elementary school, was like a father figure to me, and Jason, my sparring partner, was like a brother. Jason died when we were both sixteen of a seizure in his sleep. He choked to death. And I quit my training.
Today, however, I'm taking back my honor and my dignity. I'm taking back my pride and my courage. I'm taking back my hope and my faith. And I am embracing myself again, reinventing myself into a more whole, a more happy person. Now when I stand after being knocked down, it will not be because I must. It will be because I will.
For those that I have hurt while I have struggled within my own chaos and lack of definition, I am truly sorry. For those I have come to love, I can finally return it without fear.
I am reborn yet again, to something even beyond Fortysix and Two. I am Jon. I love this world, and the people in it. I love the infinite amount of possibilities that each person represents. I am beyond my pain now. And things will finally be as they should.
Nothing happened in the material world that could really explain or trigger it. Rather, it's like all my experiences, all the things that have occurred in my life came into sharp focus.
For those who don't know, I lost a substantial part of my memory following a nervous breakdown at nineteen, brought on by the simultaneous betrayals of my fiancee, my best friend, and my roommates. Little bits have trickled back to me here and there, triggered by odd things. For instance, eating an apricot for the first time since childhood brought back part of those memories. But today, there was really no trigger. Parts came rushing back that nearly stole the breath from my lungs.
One key part being the heart of my martial training, that indomitable part of ME that would always carry me back to my feet every time I was knocked down. I have carried on in the face of adversity simply because I believed I couldn't give up, that I had no choice. Today, I realized I can give up. But I also realized I never will.
Master Choi, who taught me Tae Kwon Do since I was in elementary school, was like a father figure to me, and Jason, my sparring partner, was like a brother. Jason died when we were both sixteen of a seizure in his sleep. He choked to death. And I quit my training.
Today, however, I'm taking back my honor and my dignity. I'm taking back my pride and my courage. I'm taking back my hope and my faith. And I am embracing myself again, reinventing myself into a more whole, a more happy person. Now when I stand after being knocked down, it will not be because I must. It will be because I will.
For those that I have hurt while I have struggled within my own chaos and lack of definition, I am truly sorry. For those I have come to love, I can finally return it without fear.
I am reborn yet again, to something even beyond Fortysix and Two. I am Jon. I love this world, and the people in it. I love the infinite amount of possibilities that each person represents. I am beyond my pain now. And things will finally be as they should.
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i'm still giggling about it.