fortissimo

So I'm driving home listening to Joy Division's "Closer", loud, and with the windows down, because yes, it has been one of those days.

But let me back up...

I had an interesting IM conversation with an ex today. She lectured me about worrying too much, and how I should take more risks.

So I'm driving home, and Ian Curtis is wailing to the creeping cars all around me, and I start to laugh. Just uncontrollably laugh.

Because, see, here's the thing. *She* was the biggest risk I ever took. I fell for her, hard. I abandoned my usually unshakeable principles and pursued someone already in a relationship. I took the huge risk of hurting not only myself, but everyone involved, opened my heart wider than I had ever thrown it open before, and in the end she savaged me more utterly than anyone ever has.

So it's pretty damn funny, her lecturing me about taking risks.

I'm not sure why I even talk to her anymore, except out of a general conviction that life is too short to be writing perfectly good people out of it.

God, I am such a masochist sometimes.

Which reminds me...I caught part of Leno last night, and they had Maggie Gyllenhaal (sister to the recently-ubiquitous Jake) on, touting a movie called Secretary, which is apparently about a girl who becomes not only a guy's secretary, but his submissive partner in a sub/dom relationship, too. Sounds like potentially intriguing indie-film fare, but it probably won't appear in Austin for another 2 months at least.

But mostly I bring that up just so I can say that Maggie Gyllenhaal is incredibly cute. I'm not normally much of a sucker for celebrities, but I love her voice, and she's endearingly uncomfortable doing a talk show in that not-yet-accustomed-to-celebrity way.

If only children stayed unaccustomed to adulthood and celebrities stayed unaccustomed to celebrity. Wouldn't that be neat?

Right, I'm off to write a saucy e-mail to someone who hasn't heard from me in three months. That should be fun.