Total blog cop out by me. I wrote the following in 2005, it's long. Ian xxx
Chico…."Who are you?"
Groutcho….."I'm fine thanks, who are you?"
The Marx Brothers always have creased me with their subtle and clever humour.
"Who are you", is the type of question that you might find yourself answering when you get caught in the kitchen at a party.
Stuck, with the amateur sociologist who thinks they are being really deep and profound.
And, as you stand there being as tolerant as you can be, giving thanks for small mercies such as the fact that they don't complete every sentence with a Rock 'n' Roll style "Man" at the end of it!
And, once you have escaped with the minimal disclosure possible (because all along you really knew that they just wanted to tell you who they feel they are at the moment) the question remains!
Who am I?
It's the am bit that throws me. Am I? I am Ian. Ian Stuart Best. I am a man. I am Musician. I am alive. I am a human being. I am a brother, son, nephew blah, blah, blah.
The question precipitates other deep question such as what do I stand for, what do I think is right or wrong, what do I want, what would I like my epitaph to be?
(I told you I was ill!)
I think it is the solidity and responsability that I feel in the statement that throws me. The am part seems so definite, such a commitment.
It's the stereotypical thing that a 6' 9' Yorkshireman might say standing at the bar after their nineteenth pint with the commitment of Martin Luther…..
"…I AM………"""""
Am I coming up with answers as I write?
The guy at the party ?
The cocksure Yorkshireman ?
Not me for sure! I don't identify with that type, so that's something I suppose.
The notion that I could be a pain in the arse for somebody at a party or the possibility that I could ever be that rigid and bombastic makes me cringe, I would never be so audacious. But then again my patience is often stretched as I wait for people to get it together the "Ian style", C'mon self-belief, head up, you can do it!!
So am I a contradiction? I hope so. I hope I have many configurations of self.
I hope I have sides of my personality that are incongruent, that don't make sense. What am I? Hmmm. What am I not?
I do not want be a one sided, one dimensional transparent Mr.Obvious.
Who am I?
At the risk of copping out I feel that the more important question is what am I becoming?
Who am I is the current, the status quo and I don't want to be assessed on the story so far because I feel that my potentialities are only just being accessed.
Who am I?
I am me, I am different.
I am a ship but I am also an Orchestra.
I am the sum of all my experiences so far, the living witness of the lessons that I have learnt or ignored, I am a history book, I am a prophet who bases his ministry on the reliable and surprising. I am responding to my memories, I have been alive for 39 years and can look back and can look forward.
I am real.
Yes, That's my fucking answer baby!!!
I am real!!!!!!
And where is this real man going?
I am going to the badge shop first of all.
I am acquiring badges of academic significance.
A diploma badge, a degree badge and maybe even a teaching badge.
Finally, I might get my hands on industry standard acceptance.
Badges that affect salary, progression and that can even hold powers of the Masonic secret handshake level, badges that say to others "I know the crack, I know the score man, I'm one of us"
It's only when you have been outside of the employment environment that you can see the flimsy foundations that keep it standing.
People paid fortunes based on academic achievement, people who haven't even been to the bottom of their own garden, no people skills, no common sense, just some badges.
After the badge shop I will be able to play on a more level field and it will be another part of my self-perceived roundedness. I will be come competitive on and in another level.
"Here, wear these badges!"
"Badges?" (manical laughter)
"We don't need no stinking badges!" (The crazy Mexican bandits in the Blazing Saddles movie)
I am going to go as high as possible.
I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said,
"When I die I want be thoroughly worn out, I want to have tasted everything I can, I want to have seen all the views I can, listened to all the music I can, I want to be completely worn out from life!" (sic)
This words form a current mantra for me. I want to take it to the top, I want to self-actualise more than any other before!
I want to never be satisfied or content, never to know my finish line.
To always be hungry never to know the comfy slippers of life!
Never to become the complete article, not like the artist who became redundant when they feel they have composed the "perfect" piece of music, or "painted" the perfect picture or written the "perfect" poem.
I am going to spank the arse of life and proclaim my existence until I am hoarse!
I am never again going to be intimidated or feel inferior, I will never again be an apologist for myself and never bow down because of the school I went to or because I am from a working class background I will never again comply or accept my place in life because I am x, y or z !
I am going to be the man with the strength to challenge, yet with the neutrality to ask why and the man who will inquire "Is it?"
The man who will simply not accept the words and ways of others and of life simply because this is how it is done !!!!!
I have been taken advantage of, I have been manipulated and I been suppressed by the short comings of others as they have transferred their anxieties to me and I have crumbled as a result.
Now I am either going full circle or I am starting my 73rd full circle.
I am going to limit of mind and the limitations of my perceptions and I am going to smash down the walls that have been built by me or by others over the 1,9972800 minutes of my life.
And the approach of this badge collecting real man is "Who am I."
What can I say or demonstrate as my position to be an authority on life or others, what gives me the right to impose or inflict or influence?
My approach is that of what can your story teach me, what can your experience teach me, can I show you that I will be a worthwhile listener, somebody that will offer you the respect you deserve, somebody who knows humility but at the same time is not simply mild-mannered or non-comittal.
Carl Rogers spoke of not tampering with people and then they become themselves.
The gross influence(s) of today are enough to leave anybody bewildered and directionless, the abundance of experts, the bucketfuls of advice, the tons of direction, and the preaching of the "answers".
I hope the "Who am I" approach is refreshing and invigorating for others, we/I are the subjects of conditioning and social acceptance. The expectations of life and accepted benchmarked normality, that shape our mentalities and personalities ought to be allowed to breathe, particularly in therapy, the cobwebs should be blown off, the inner self should be embraced and the beauty that we can create be unveiled!
The subcultures and the minorities of our communities need to be turned on their heads and the handicapped and the disabled need to be championed and their skills need to observed and learnt from, the sufferers of mental health problems need to be shown acceptance not stigmatised and condemned to the marginalised areas of society, the norm needs to be the un-norm and the usual to become the unusual and vice-versa.
Acceptance of correct ways of living and making the most of life need to become broader more adventurous and simultaneously more sympathetic towards difference!
What does this badge collecting real who am I ethos man need to work on?
I need to work on embracing mind and body more.
I need to see myself more as an instrument not just cognitive processes that are stimulated and activated by challenge and emotion.
I would like to learn more about the holistic nature of being a person, to enrich myself in my wholeness, to feel my body more to like it more and to use it more.
How can one be truly congruent if your body and mind are not lined up, if you are not wholly yourself?
I also want to discover slowness and method not just to thrive on instinct or enthusiasm.
I want to explore yoga and breathing exercises, I want to read mind freeing quotations, I want to be inspired by simplicity and the movement of the circles within circles.
I want to able to manage the ever shifting focuses of my life and to able to move gracefully through my ever nagging demands of stimulation and hunger and boredom and entertainment, to become effortless in the understanding of my picture, the centre focus and the also the background.
I want to achieve flexibility and to become more renewable to see more wonder in life to be amazed more by nature by creation and by the ingenuity of others.
I want to watch birds fly and observe their freedom, to see them soar.
I want to become less possessive of my possessions and I want to or I want to imagine living with less.
I want to become more in tune with the rhythms of life and the differing rhythms of others and to learn how to step outside of my own innate beat.
I want to re-evaluate the shape of my life, I want to be inventive with my future.
I want to be able to embrace the excitement of the unpredictable and to allow my super-ego to run riot.
I want to be generous with my love and my money, I want to be less tied to the so called necessities of life, move beyond them and become part of a different culture where less is more and normal is boring!
I need to work on the bigger picture of my life and to learn daily that I can and would certainly benefit from thinking outside of the box, to aim at reinventing myself, to rework ideas and thoughts that have been trashed because they didn't fit or work at the time.
I need to think bigger and learn to consider my achievements and to not run from being self-congratulatory.
I need to banish those who tap into my insecurities and rise above those who some how know where my buttons are and what sequence to press in order to release that nave little kid.
I need to learn that I don't have to go there and that my choice in the matter is the thing that will empower me and will disarm my tormentors.
I need to learn that silence is powerful and also that silence is full of sound and that silence is the framework or canvas for a musician, I need to learn how to craft my words in more lyrical poetic fashion.
I need to understand my needs more.
I want to be able to change and direct my moods.
I want to be able to access that feeling of driving my car with the windows down as Kenny Kirklands piano solo sends me round the bend and I'm dancing in my seat feeling so alive, feeling so alive!
Chico…."Who are you?"
Groutcho….."I'm fine thanks, who are you?"
The Marx Brothers always have creased me with their subtle and clever humour.
"Who are you", is the type of question that you might find yourself answering when you get caught in the kitchen at a party.
Stuck, with the amateur sociologist who thinks they are being really deep and profound.
And, as you stand there being as tolerant as you can be, giving thanks for small mercies such as the fact that they don't complete every sentence with a Rock 'n' Roll style "Man" at the end of it!
And, once you have escaped with the minimal disclosure possible (because all along you really knew that they just wanted to tell you who they feel they are at the moment) the question remains!
Who am I?
It's the am bit that throws me. Am I? I am Ian. Ian Stuart Best. I am a man. I am Musician. I am alive. I am a human being. I am a brother, son, nephew blah, blah, blah.
The question precipitates other deep question such as what do I stand for, what do I think is right or wrong, what do I want, what would I like my epitaph to be?
(I told you I was ill!)
I think it is the solidity and responsability that I feel in the statement that throws me. The am part seems so definite, such a commitment.
It's the stereotypical thing that a 6' 9' Yorkshireman might say standing at the bar after their nineteenth pint with the commitment of Martin Luther…..
"…I AM………"""""
Am I coming up with answers as I write?
The guy at the party ?
The cocksure Yorkshireman ?
Not me for sure! I don't identify with that type, so that's something I suppose.
The notion that I could be a pain in the arse for somebody at a party or the possibility that I could ever be that rigid and bombastic makes me cringe, I would never be so audacious. But then again my patience is often stretched as I wait for people to get it together the "Ian style", C'mon self-belief, head up, you can do it!!
So am I a contradiction? I hope so. I hope I have many configurations of self.
I hope I have sides of my personality that are incongruent, that don't make sense. What am I? Hmmm. What am I not?
I do not want be a one sided, one dimensional transparent Mr.Obvious.
Who am I?
At the risk of copping out I feel that the more important question is what am I becoming?
Who am I is the current, the status quo and I don't want to be assessed on the story so far because I feel that my potentialities are only just being accessed.
Who am I?
I am me, I am different.
I am a ship but I am also an Orchestra.
I am the sum of all my experiences so far, the living witness of the lessons that I have learnt or ignored, I am a history book, I am a prophet who bases his ministry on the reliable and surprising. I am responding to my memories, I have been alive for 39 years and can look back and can look forward.
I am real.
Yes, That's my fucking answer baby!!!
I am real!!!!!!
And where is this real man going?
I am going to the badge shop first of all.
I am acquiring badges of academic significance.
A diploma badge, a degree badge and maybe even a teaching badge.
Finally, I might get my hands on industry standard acceptance.
Badges that affect salary, progression and that can even hold powers of the Masonic secret handshake level, badges that say to others "I know the crack, I know the score man, I'm one of us"
It's only when you have been outside of the employment environment that you can see the flimsy foundations that keep it standing.
People paid fortunes based on academic achievement, people who haven't even been to the bottom of their own garden, no people skills, no common sense, just some badges.
After the badge shop I will be able to play on a more level field and it will be another part of my self-perceived roundedness. I will be come competitive on and in another level.
"Here, wear these badges!"
"Badges?" (manical laughter)
"We don't need no stinking badges!" (The crazy Mexican bandits in the Blazing Saddles movie)
I am going to go as high as possible.
I think it was George Bernard Shaw who said,
"When I die I want be thoroughly worn out, I want to have tasted everything I can, I want to have seen all the views I can, listened to all the music I can, I want to be completely worn out from life!" (sic)
This words form a current mantra for me. I want to take it to the top, I want to self-actualise more than any other before!
I want to never be satisfied or content, never to know my finish line.
To always be hungry never to know the comfy slippers of life!
Never to become the complete article, not like the artist who became redundant when they feel they have composed the "perfect" piece of music, or "painted" the perfect picture or written the "perfect" poem.
I am going to spank the arse of life and proclaim my existence until I am hoarse!
I am never again going to be intimidated or feel inferior, I will never again be an apologist for myself and never bow down because of the school I went to or because I am from a working class background I will never again comply or accept my place in life because I am x, y or z !
I am going to be the man with the strength to challenge, yet with the neutrality to ask why and the man who will inquire "Is it?"
The man who will simply not accept the words and ways of others and of life simply because this is how it is done !!!!!
I have been taken advantage of, I have been manipulated and I been suppressed by the short comings of others as they have transferred their anxieties to me and I have crumbled as a result.
Now I am either going full circle or I am starting my 73rd full circle.
I am going to limit of mind and the limitations of my perceptions and I am going to smash down the walls that have been built by me or by others over the 1,9972800 minutes of my life.
And the approach of this badge collecting real man is "Who am I."
What can I say or demonstrate as my position to be an authority on life or others, what gives me the right to impose or inflict or influence?
My approach is that of what can your story teach me, what can your experience teach me, can I show you that I will be a worthwhile listener, somebody that will offer you the respect you deserve, somebody who knows humility but at the same time is not simply mild-mannered or non-comittal.
Carl Rogers spoke of not tampering with people and then they become themselves.
The gross influence(s) of today are enough to leave anybody bewildered and directionless, the abundance of experts, the bucketfuls of advice, the tons of direction, and the preaching of the "answers".
I hope the "Who am I" approach is refreshing and invigorating for others, we/I are the subjects of conditioning and social acceptance. The expectations of life and accepted benchmarked normality, that shape our mentalities and personalities ought to be allowed to breathe, particularly in therapy, the cobwebs should be blown off, the inner self should be embraced and the beauty that we can create be unveiled!
The subcultures and the minorities of our communities need to be turned on their heads and the handicapped and the disabled need to be championed and their skills need to observed and learnt from, the sufferers of mental health problems need to be shown acceptance not stigmatised and condemned to the marginalised areas of society, the norm needs to be the un-norm and the usual to become the unusual and vice-versa.
Acceptance of correct ways of living and making the most of life need to become broader more adventurous and simultaneously more sympathetic towards difference!
What does this badge collecting real who am I ethos man need to work on?
I need to work on embracing mind and body more.
I need to see myself more as an instrument not just cognitive processes that are stimulated and activated by challenge and emotion.
I would like to learn more about the holistic nature of being a person, to enrich myself in my wholeness, to feel my body more to like it more and to use it more.
How can one be truly congruent if your body and mind are not lined up, if you are not wholly yourself?
I also want to discover slowness and method not just to thrive on instinct or enthusiasm.
I want to explore yoga and breathing exercises, I want to read mind freeing quotations, I want to be inspired by simplicity and the movement of the circles within circles.
I want to able to manage the ever shifting focuses of my life and to able to move gracefully through my ever nagging demands of stimulation and hunger and boredom and entertainment, to become effortless in the understanding of my picture, the centre focus and the also the background.
I want to achieve flexibility and to become more renewable to see more wonder in life to be amazed more by nature by creation and by the ingenuity of others.
I want to watch birds fly and observe their freedom, to see them soar.
I want to become less possessive of my possessions and I want to or I want to imagine living with less.
I want to become more in tune with the rhythms of life and the differing rhythms of others and to learn how to step outside of my own innate beat.
I want to re-evaluate the shape of my life, I want to be inventive with my future.
I want to be able to embrace the excitement of the unpredictable and to allow my super-ego to run riot.
I want to be generous with my love and my money, I want to be less tied to the so called necessities of life, move beyond them and become part of a different culture where less is more and normal is boring!
I need to work on the bigger picture of my life and to learn daily that I can and would certainly benefit from thinking outside of the box, to aim at reinventing myself, to rework ideas and thoughts that have been trashed because they didn't fit or work at the time.
I need to think bigger and learn to consider my achievements and to not run from being self-congratulatory.
I need to banish those who tap into my insecurities and rise above those who some how know where my buttons are and what sequence to press in order to release that nave little kid.
I need to learn that I don't have to go there and that my choice in the matter is the thing that will empower me and will disarm my tormentors.
I need to learn that silence is powerful and also that silence is full of sound and that silence is the framework or canvas for a musician, I need to learn how to craft my words in more lyrical poetic fashion.
I need to understand my needs more.
I want to be able to change and direct my moods.
I want to be able to access that feeling of driving my car with the windows down as Kenny Kirklands piano solo sends me round the bend and I'm dancing in my seat feeling so alive, feeling so alive!